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tonythehuman.bsky.social
Just for fun so No Hate, No Racism, No Maga, No Porn, No Paypal, No DM's, Yes Horror, Yes Comedy, Yes Sci Fi, Yes Art, Yes Nerd, Yes Puns, Yes Books, Yes Laughter, Yes dance off, Yes Weird, Yes Safe Place, Yes Toon, Yes Eddie Howe, be kind, Socialist, IFB
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Its not that I didn't know how to juggle, I just didn't have the balls too

My wife said she will divorce me if I keep using the kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

My wife told me "Sex is better on holiday." Not the best postcard to receive

When I was younger, Instagram meant a really fast drug dealer

I've just taken out a loan to pay for an exorcism. I'm now worried that If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.

Happy Friday lovely phone family. It's -5° here. Shelter estimates in December were 345k homeless folk in England alone. The average age of death for rough sleepers is 45 for men and 43 for women. If you're worried about anyone, please report through www.streetlink.org.uk ❤️ #HaveCourageAndBeKind

I've just sent my first wife a large delivery of food, Fedex

my first job was drilling holes for water – it was well boring

I just found out that if you get chased by a bunch of taxidermists, you don’t play dead!

A few potential words of the day: Joblijock: a disturber of domestic peace (small children, cantankerous uncles, etc). Yule-hole: the furthest notch in your belt that you need to resort to at Christmas. Confelicity: joy in other people’s happiness. Merry Christmas.

Mrs Claus had to help deliver some presents. When asked how she got on the elves replied "She sleighed it"

Last week I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition. I won hands down

Just in case someone needs to see this.

🌿☕ A snollygoster is an unprincipled politician who does or says things for their own personal advancement C19th possibly from snallygaster: A beast that preys on chickens & children or from German, schnelle geeschter meaning quick spirit Pictured below the Seven Virtues, Uffizi Gallery, Firenze🎨🌿

I was going to sail around the globe in the worlds smallest ship, but when it came to going, I bottled it.