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Pink Floyd voice So So you think you can tell Kenan from Kel…

submitted 22 hours ago • 27 comments

A watched pot never boils. So what, you’re just gonna leave the room, come back later? I need that boiling water now. Don’t ask why.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Five miles in under 50:00. #progress

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Your outtie is very good at Tecmo Bowl III Your outtie likes both black and green olives Your outtie loves the Police Academy movies Damn, this is getting depressing, you want me to keep going? Ok, your outtie has seen every episode of Saved by the Bell, including the College Years #severance

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

So, these fancy olives at the Tapas place, we just throw the pits on the floor like a peanut shell at a Texas Roadhouse?

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

“We’ll be having people perform in order of height, Paul Simon and Sabrina Carpenter, you’re up first,” - Lorne Michaels #snl50

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

“Cuz there’s you, and me and all other people”- Lifehouse Yep. That covers all the bases, doesn’t it?

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

It’s a well known fact that #JasonDerulo was hated by the executives at #Shazam because no one ever needed help identifying which songs were his.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Spoiler alert: if you have white boomer relatives, they dub this the "Worst Halftime Show Ever".

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I think Brad Pitt just fixed America.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

This new #draftkings feature of live betting movies you’re watching is awesome. Right now I’m watching some #Davidlynch What do you think of this betting line? Two female characters are on screen together. Will they kiss? Yes -1000 No +10000

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

With all this #Luka talk…..it’s kinda wild that the song from the 80’s “Luka” is about abuse (and not subtly) but it’s also kind of a jam so you kind of bop along to it.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Sweet vermouth, rocks with a twist.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

When people label their kids as ages, such as, “Took 8 and 6 to the park today”, if you can do math you’re halfway to figuring out their password for literally everything.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Magic school bus? When I was a kid we just had a surly driver we called Evil Steve. You did not want to cross Evil Steve. But dammit if he didn’t get us to school on time like clockwork.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Kids grow up so fast. One day they’re watching #Bluey and the next day they’re watching #Eraserhead Which is really on me. I should not have left the #criterionchannel app open on the tv.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

History repeats itself? No, no, that just can’t be. (Opens a history book) Oh dear.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

For months and months and months I thought the line was "It don't need Jack Daniels kind of history", meaning, it could be a cheap whiskey, nothing fancy just get me a shot. Which makes sense. But, sure, I guess the actual line is fine too Shaboozey.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Had jury duty Left my water bottle there Justice was not served

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Whenever I hear Alphaville’s “Forever Young” I always expect Jay-Z to bust in with “So we livin’ life like a video…”. But if he does or doesn’t I’m not disappointed.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

It’s not often that Mitch McConnell and I agree on something.

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Pretty sure you could say, “Oh, there’s a Jersey Mike’s in (insert town/city name here) now and be right over 80% of the time. #jerseymikes

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

If Notre Dame wins tonight there is one and only one person I will be happy for, and that is Jed Bartlett. #notredame #westwing

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I see they’ve got the Mall all decorated for the #inauguration

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

(Said coyly) It’s always……………snowy in Philadelphia. Get it? Like the show.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Teenagers when all goes according to plan and Zuck buys Tik-Tok and Trump gets the credit.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

I find it hard to believe the Lion would still be sleeping between all the weem a weays and the shrill A-Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee heeheeheehee wee um um away.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

With the passing of #BobEuker it’s a good time to admit that I always thought the opening to the #MrBelvedere theme song started with “Streets off of China” instead of “Streaks on the China”. I didn’t know what it meant I just thought it was some cool adult slang.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

#Landman come for the Tour-De-Force performance of Billy Bob Thornton. Stay to be lectured about the perils of green energy and how solar panels don't work when it's cloudy.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Is it too early to start the “Selma” is a Martin Luther King Jr. Day movie discourse?

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Back to the Future 4: Marty’s kid is enlisted by Doc Brown to go back to the early 2000’s to ensure that Tom from MySpace wins the Social Media wars.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Bot followers are like my girlfriend from summer camp when I was younger. Are they real people? No. Will I still brag about them to my friends? Absolutely.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Missed opportunity: not making a parody of John Mayer’s “Your Body is a Wonderland” titled “Your brother’s in the Taliban”.

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

“Hold the Mayo,” the cheeky headline writer for the Boston Globe said with an air of confidence as he put the final touches on tomorrow’s Sports Page. He then gave himself a little chuckle knowing this would be his crowning achievement. #Patriots #Mayo

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Citizens United may have strengthened the power of companies but it was the lesser known Kids Incorporated decision which paved the way.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

I got a gift subscription to the Atlantic for Christmas. Do I have to, like, host dinner parties and shit now?

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Squid Game was good. But it’s a missed opportunity to not have the guards sing the Oompa Loompa song when cleaning up corpses.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

If this score holds and #Oregon loses, then the curse of two Steve Prefontaine movies coming out within a year lives on and keeps dreams of a title out of the Beaver State yet again.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 56 days ago • 1 comment

“Perfect Days” Come for the stellar needle drops and existential thoughts on aging and existing. Stay for the tips on getting your toilets squeaky clean. #perfectdays

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

(1983) Bono: Ok, we did it, I've finished writing the perfect New Year's Eve song! They'll be singing it for decades to come as the definitive New Year's Eve anthem! The Edge: But, ummm, it's January 1st. Bono: Just changed Eve to Day. Problem solved. Robert Burns: That was a close one.

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

#EvilDoesNotExist Come for the beautifully haunting score. Stay for the Japanese residents with extremely knowledgable foresight on the environmental impact of septic locations.

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

This whole #diehard is a Christmas movie thing has jumped the shark. Now the episode of #happydays where #fonzie jumped the shark? That was a Christmas movie!

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments