trumpetry.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Weather charts said no, but a felt-tip pen said yes.

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

“You’re fired,” was his catchphrase. It became his policy. Advisors came and went, like contestants on a show no one wanted to watch.

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Why say lot word when few word do trick

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

“We’re peaceful,” they chanted, as they smashed windows and defecated in the halls.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

He looked at the map and said, “Why not Alaska 2?” Denmark said no.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Remember when kids were locked up, and people said, “At least they’re being fed”? Imagine setting the bar so low that feeding children is considered an achievement.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

He tried to buy Greenland. Let that sink in. A whole country. Imagine being Denmark: “We’re not selling.” And Trump’s like, “What if I throw in three Big Macs and a round of golf?”

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

“There are very fine people on both sides,” he said, while Nazis held tiki torches like they were at a racist luau. History teachers everywhere sighed, knowing they’d have to explain this for the next fifty years.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

He’s on live TV saying, “Take it! It’s great!” Like it’s a multivitamin instead of a drug that kills fish tank algae. Some guy in Florida OD’d on aquarium cleaner because Karen from Facebook said it worked. The fish survived.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

When you’re a star, ethics don’t matter. You just grab them by the Constitution.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

he grabbed a diplomat’s hand and wouldn’t let go until they nodded “that went well,” he said as security peeled him off the french president

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

tariffs stacked like dominos falling in slow motion “it’s working,” he insisted as farmers googled bankruptcy lawyers

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

“the g7 seating chart” he demanded the middle because he thought that’s where the camera would be leaders shuffled awkwardly until they realized no one wanted to sit next to him

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

well done with ketchup a meal that echoed his policies— overcooked and lacking taste

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

he met dictators with open arms and democracies with folded ones peace became a prop to hold but never use

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Act One: Confusion. Act Two: Denial. Act Three: Merchandising. The critics hated it, But the audience Couldn’t stop buying tickets.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Flags waved, Windows shattered. He watched from the couch, Wondering why They didn’t chant louder.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Two podiums, One microphone, And an audience waiting for answers. Instead, A word salad is served— Mostly iceberg, No dressing.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

He downloaded Bluesky to “own the libs,” but now he’s stuck in a group chat about queer cinema.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

MAGAts log onto Bluesky, ready for war. But the algorithm keeps suggesting dog rescue stories and discussions on whether oat milk is better than almond.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

“Melania,” I ask, “Was I the best president of all time?” She nods. Or maybe she doesn’t. Hard to tell when her Botox is more expressive than her words. “Melania, do you love me?” Another pause. She looks at the pre-nup. The pre-nup looks back. Somewhere, a Gucci bag sighs.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

They call me Mussolini-light, Kim Jong-diet, Putin’s Mini-Me. But dictators don’t have a newsletter, do they? Dictators don’t throw rolls of paper towels at hurricanes— that’s performance art. Sure, I’ve flirted with coups, dabbled in insurrections, but that’s just a networking opportunity.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

you told the truth once by accident and spent years trying to cover it up

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

I eat McDonald’s. Not because I have to— because I want to. It’s American. Biden eats kale. That’s socialist lettuce.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

The Diet Coke? Perfect. Zero calories. That’s why I’m still slim. Beautiful body. The best body. Better than Biden’s body. Sad body.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

They say I’m orange. Fake news. It’s gold. Golden tan. People pay for this shade. Melania once said, “You look like a sunset.” And I said, “No, Melania. The sunset looks like me.”

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

The plaque reads: “Nancy Mace fought bravely… against non-existent threats. Meanwhile, the oceans rose.”

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Wrong. They said I was wrong. But I’m not. China. Russia. Crooked Hillary. The Deep State. They’re all against me—why? Because I’m a winner. I win so much it’s exhausting, but I keep winning. Fake news!

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Wrong, so wrong, believe— Fake news, sleepy Joe, so sad. I crushed it. Bigly.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

“Fake news! Totally rigged. Everyone knows it. They say I’m wrong, but who are they? Sad! Ratings are way down, the failing media, the losers—” Pause to sip Diet Coke. “—But I’m winning, always winning. People say, ‘Sir, how do you do it?’ And I tell them, ‘I just know.’”

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Stop the count, But also, keep counting. Only the good votes, not the bad ones. Fraud everywhere— even the trees look suspicious. The birds, fake. The ballots? A disaster. You ask how I lost? I didn’t. I’m still your president. Ask anyone. Ask Rudy. Ask the Four Seasons (Total Landscaping).

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

This poem? It’s the best poem. Everyone says so. The poets are calling me—Yeats, Whitman, Shakespeare— all the greats. They say, “Sir, this is better than The Odyssey.” I don’t read poems, but if I did, this one would win all the awards. Frankly, no poem has ever been more poetic.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Roses are red Violets are blue Fuck up the poll And I will sue you

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

You think you can fool me with decimals? With your fancy algorithms? No, no, no— The people love me, And your pie charts are stale.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

An empty parking lot. He speaks to the wind, tells it to stand up. It doesn’t. He blames Antifa, or the trees.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

They say Rome fell in a day, but Trump Tower stands. A gold obelisk to himself, gaudy and defiant, a middle finger to architecture. Inside, a revolving door of sycophants. “I’m the best,” he says to his reflection. The penthouse whispers, “Even I’m tired of him.” Outside, New York turns away.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

“What will you do about healthcare?” “I have many plans.” “What about foreign policy?” “I have many friends.” “What about accountability?” “I don’t know that word.” The crowd cheered, a laugh track for democracy. He grinned. America blinked. And the moderators wept.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

A traveler from 3024 arrived, examined the ruins of America, and asked: “What caused the collapse?” The historians hesitated. Someone whispered, “He thought nuking hurricanes was a good idea.” The traveler sighed, got back in their time machine, and went somewhere safer— like Pompeii.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Step right up! Get your pardons! Buy one treason, get one free. Supplies are limited— just like accountability. Act now! Call 1-800-BIG-LIES, or visit us at the corner of Chaos and Corruption.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

He held up the map, a tangle of red and blue. “Look at all the red,” he said. “We won everything.” A woman squinted. “That’s grassland,” she whispered. He handed her a crayon. “Fix it.” And somewhere, cartographers quit for good.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

They gathered, a room of cameras and ties. “I have an announcement,” he said. The room tensed. War? Scandal? “I’m selling sneakers,” he declared, holding up gold shoes. Somewhere, an eagle soared over the Capitol, looking for another country.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

“Who’s the fairest?” Donald asked the mirror. It hesitated. “You,” it said, “but only in certain states.” He frowned. “Fake mirror,” he muttered, and turned away.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments