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votedna.bsky.social
My 1st Comedy Album is out early April on Punchline Records. I’ve produced over 5000 music & comedy community events & 16 festivals (most of them free)
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A MAGA plaque at a library - this guys a hero

submitted 57 minutes ago • 0 comments

“Jim? Uhm, look at this. The wave flux is stable. Jim? We did it! We invented a Time Machine!!” - deep inside the basement of the Pentagon. “The Tardis has landed. Burn America to the ground.” - Musk

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Get ready for a James Bond that looks, exactly, like Bezos.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm trying to get any traction here I can. Meet Akbash.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

When Trump opens Fort Knox, he has to get Geraldo to do it. Fingers crossed.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Church is like Cost-Co. It takes too long, you pay more than you want, the whole time you blame the jews and in the basement is the body of Jesus.

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

Red States went from “We’re number one!” To “We’re numb,” Pretty damn quick

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

Elon’s List 1. Fire everyone. 2. Hire, whomever. 3. Show how much I’ve saved. 4. Pocket the rest. 5. Make NASA build better rocket. 6. Tesla only car in America!! 7. Remember. I am beautiful. 8. 9. Double K 10. Change name to Major Tom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 11. Chili pepper in Donny diaper.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

Bring back the dancing Doomsday Clocks

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

QQ: what about my Forever Stamps?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I ended up in the timeline where Superman is a fictional character, again? Back to the Way Back Machine, Sherman.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

One cool thing is if the Constitution doesn’t exist anymore, California can secede. Let’s go…

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

100% (and everyone does dishes)

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

A movie about a mallard who ingests a drug that transports him to a world where he writes sci-fi movies - Philip K Duck

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Forget Crypto - all the money is going to be in Crutches. #PolioJoke

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

DC isn’t even a state. Make NJ the nations capital.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

“Bro. Radical honesty? Everything you do is punching down. What happened to little Joey? Fighting the good fight?” - The Mushroom talking to Rogan.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

MICRODOSE HOPE

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

"And let's go back to Jim, with the weather. Jim? Jim??"

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

this. . . even in the most popular of bookstores, loyal customers still turn to Amazon.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Are they mailing a wax statue of Trump around the country for photo ops?

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Nobody considers that if you replace everyone in an office, only Jeff knows how to work the coffee maker.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

“What if the supply chain collapses? Stores are empty? Mass unemployment?“ - me “I’ll be fine as long as I can get my cigarettes.” - mom “Uh.” - me

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

“Just got some intel that C4 has been placed inside the White House taco bar. How do I proceed?” Bond “Fuck ‘em.” Q

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

What do Chris Evans Captain America, and America, have in common? They’re both dead.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

“You’re not a 3000 year old time traveler. You’re not. Stop saying that.” What shrooms say to Musk

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The #1 thing that Musk and Napoleon have common? Gonorrhea.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Crick was high on LSD when he discovered DNA. If he was high on Molly he would have discovered Velour.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

sometimes I am

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Angus has beef

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

“This would be a good time to invade.” Every country

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

A reboot of Dreamscape, but it’s me fighting Musk inside Dennis Quaids head.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

“I just got back from the Wellness Farm.” “You look healthy.” “The color of my skin?” “Yeah. Healthy.” “No. I mean the color of my skin is white. That’s the reason I was allowed to return from the Wellness Farm.” - Before they found out I’m a Jew.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

“So if an orange buffoon told you to jump off the roof, you would?” - USA “Yes.” - FBI, CIA, DOJ, NBC, ETC. . .

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

“Hey. When you say, ‘They might not hear one of us. But they'll hear all of us,’ can you turn to the camera more?” - Kevin Smith offscreen.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I’ll do stand-up comedy anywhere. For me it’s like going to the gym. A gym where everyone hates you.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Realizing that Canada was the cooler country all along is quite the M. Night twist to 2025.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

“A white South African who becomes the richest man in the world off blood emeralds, mainlines a cocktail of drugs that causes him to dismantle reality”. Rejected Philip K. Dick script.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

A Richie Rich reboot - but instead of being the world’s saddest little rich boy, he’s a fucking Nazi.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I got it logged at 10:21 am

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

The Best Thing on Sale for Presidents Day? - America

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Everytime I look at my phone, I feel like horse in The NeverEnding Story.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

My dog is barking so much, I'm beginning to understand Berkowitz.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

These 1%ers!!!!

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments