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wildethingy.bsky.social
1,346 posts 6,108 followers 484 following
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Posts 34 Comments 16

Well I know this won't come back to haunt me, I gloat, standing over the bleeding corpse of Casper The Friendly.

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

I've started manufacturing a general-purpose paste in my bathtub and carrying some of it around in a shopping bag so I can apply paste to things or people that I believe would benefit from having paste applied to them

submitted 11 hours ago • 9 comments

It would make me so happy to be an unfeeling psychopath.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

"I want my inheritance now", Little Red Riding Hood tells her lover. "But your grandmother?" asks The Wolf. Red smiles. She has a plan.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Being odd is really normal.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Conversations with me have been described as difficult, tedious, meandering

submitted 3 days ago • 22 comments

forget pillows let’s build a fort out of sandwiches

submitted 2 days ago • 11 comments

A chain wallet but for my pocket burrito

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

They say swans mate for life but I bet if I gave a swan enough tequila I could totally get it to cheat.

submitted 17 days ago • 4 comments

I have a joke about Sisyphus, but it’s a bit repetitive.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

accidentally getting my gremlins wet, except it’s just my cats and they’re not wet (they’re just being total assholes)

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

I have a joke about Dorian Gray. It never gets old.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Actually this *is* my first rodeo when do we eat the horses

submitted 610 days ago • 2 comments

One time, I tried to beat the philosophy out of a philosophy student. "But why?", he screamed. That only made me punch him harder.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Yes, I do sometimes fake an orgasm. It helps pass the time on the train.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

For sale, self-respect, never used.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

I'm scared the world isn't about to end.

submitted 5 days ago • 6 comments

It's nice that even in these bleak, tumultuous times we can still have a laugh. Ha.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

Never trust any man that makes a sweeping generalisation about his own gender.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Bluesky is not the place for sarcasm, I claim sarcastically

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

ME: i will not rest until i find out Owl Man’s secret identity FRIEND: who? ME: *narrows eyes*

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

If I was a deer I would probably say “Oh deer” when things went wrong a lot. Then my animal friends would laugh at my puns.

submitted 12 days ago • 6 comments

[trial] Lawyer "Could a murderer do THIS?" *points to defendant doing cool tap dance* "I remind the jury that only guilty feet have got no rhythm."

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

I taught a man to fish and he made lemonade. Ungrateful bastard.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

The best way to enjoy a sandwich is to bite down hard then start violently thrashing about like an alligator

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

funniest thing happened at work today: turns out my unorthodox methods, once considered dangerous and heretical, are the only strategies that can save us from an enemy whose tactics are, some might say, as unconventional as my own

submitted 11 days ago • 20 comments

I’ve decided to stop showering, dressing, eating, and getting out of bed. Total waste of time.

submitted 12 days ago • 3 comments

It's amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

The Internet is the greatest repository of human stupidity in all of history.

submitted 13 days ago • 6 comments

Don't bring a knife to a gun fight and don't bring hummus to a barbecue, unless you want it to turn into a knife fight. In which case, I'll bring a gun.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I try to be humble, which is easy for me because I’m good at everything I try. Also, I’m very pretty.

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

They say swans mate for life but I bet if I gave a swan enough tequila I could totally get it to cheat.

submitted 17 days ago • 4 comments

Given the vastness of the universe, it's actually highly unlikely heaven is a place on Earth, Belinda.

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

I'm perfectly fine voting for the lesser of two evils if it means we get less evil.

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment