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yumdirt.bsky.social
Turn right around and honk it
61 posts 44 followers 102 following
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News anchor: "what would the asteroid do if it hit me? Would my children be orphans?" Neil Degrasse Tyson: "shouldn't call it an asteroid, you sound stupid. It'd be a meteorite. And now, the very tissue of you, all the bonds holding your cells together, would unravel so fast you turn to a fine mist"

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Mozart didn't do any of that

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

space jam. Michael jorden.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

just saw things happening in reverse

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

not today Satan. Does tomorrow work? It not, no worries

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

once did this an I nearly vombited

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

One time on a field trip a dairy farmer told us that Thomas Edison needed to drink 12 cups of milk a day to invent and our teacher was like yep that’s true

submitted 15 days ago • 3 comments

not once, not twice, but thrice on my morning walk I discovered three porcine sucklings building homes out of ridiculous materials. I blew them into fucking smithereens with my big fucking gun.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

(In my high pitched voice) what have you brought me today

submitted 299 days ago • 0 comments

The pigeon I trained to hunt other pigeons seems sad

submitted 606 days ago • 5 comments

Tits, I mean tuts. Ach! I mea- hey how do you light this cigar? it's rainin' all over the damn thing! Listen now, won't ya- I will do cartoonish medical conundrums again. Head spin, steam from ears, VERY deep jacket pocket, bulgin' eyes, flattened by a slammed door. Don't you worry your little heart

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

whenever I tell a joke, there is a long list of citations in my mind. MLA, etc. hey- you name it! Well. I save you all the trouble you see. That's what makes my jokes so streamlined. My jokes don't waste any time trying to endear you to a plight, plot, or setup. One day you'll realize that. Please.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

If that's your girl, then why's she perched hauntingly on a corner of my Abbey? Oh she's not? Oh dear. Then what's that then??

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

You should be injuring yourself at least twice a year as a stark reminder of your own frailty and inevitable demise

submitted 17 days ago • 7 comments

some people take the poop. I am a slave to the poop, beholden to squat down and offer up what I cannot spare. Time and time again, this ritualistic theft of my soul. Do not group me with those better off than me.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

thinking about this amazing image again this evening

submitted 22 days ago • 3 comments

fender reveal. It's my car. My sweet poor car. They've obliterated my car

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

starting dry January now! Wish me luck!

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

god has arrived. and has shown me JPEGs to test the mettle of my very soul. I exert myself each time I see a JPEG

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

A thousand dodger dogs barking at once, call to me, in the night.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Karl Rossman would have loved Rainforest Cafe

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

theres many things to love about this cave painting but one of my favorite things is the little preliminary sketch in the lower left where the painter went "okay i think i got it

submitted 29 days ago • 6 comments

submitted 86 days ago • 15 comments

she churnin me Tillamook

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

history 🐑

submitted 27 days ago • 29 comments

please enjoy your beverage

submitted 28 days ago • 2 comments

I'm like if zoltar told his friends to drink with him every single day

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

on my knees begging pleading crying snot flying spit shooting across the chess board you see I'm the fan that won a game with Magnus Karlsen but I cannot cannot cannot stand losing how could he do this to me that's not fair he's way better than me he has to go easy

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

brian wilson (psychologically shattered): it's so fun eating your vegables

submitted 348 days ago • 6 comments

I will shine a light so powerful onto an orchid that it catches fire. it must be seen so brightly

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

they're after my tenure for how much protein I put away

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Art by • Frank Frazetta

submitted 37 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 37 days ago • 27 comments

I love this ethnic hot dog. I'm really into ethnic food lately

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

what kind of fluids you been into lately?

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

people are always asking me "emma im gonna kill u" and i dont get how that's a question

submitted 95 days ago • 12 comments

last week.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

This video got pulled off of youtube but it's on the internet archive.

submitted 41 days ago • 2 comments

submitted 41 days ago • 25 comments

Dr. Poop knew the end was coming and left tiktok years back. He was our harbinger

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

make your own lines and then color outside of them

submitted 57 days ago • 1 comment

let me draw myself up to my full height, for there i may assuredly intimidate you. Scoundrel. Hold on, let me get up. Don't help- don't touch me!

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

maladaptive? More like bien adaptive

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

(waves hand) please. Come in. Step into my slim Jim.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

if I was a CEO I'd invite all to hunt me. Every day is a new day.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Turns out there IS a mountain high enough. As I turn around to go back home, I see I'm at the mouth of a valley, more than low enough. I am trapped and defeated and I will die here

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

Oh God! I'm m gabout to tweet! Cover your eyes

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments