Lawyer: And if you could, Mr. Novak, read the Bluesky post that says you'd betray your own country to join the Canadian resistance against American imperial aggression.
Me: Okay, but it's written in the form of a hypothetical courtroom.
Lawyer: Yes, but this is a real courtroom.
Me: Well, not yet.
Me: Okay, but it's written in the form of a hypothetical courtroom.
Lawyer: Yes, but this is a real courtroom.
Me: Well, not yet.
Comments
https://bsky.jazco.dev/cleanup
"Such as?"
"Let me read into the record this excerpt from [pause] Archive of Our Own, tagged [pause] 'dead dove, do not eat'."
Mr. Novak: It's spelled "skibidi".
Um, I mean eh?
Me: Which one?
Lawyer: It starts "And if you could, Mr. Novak..."
Me: 'Lawyer: And if you could...'
Judge: Counsel, approach the bench.
Lawyer: Your honor?
Judge: Are you sure you want him attributing words to you in the court record?
Lawyer: I'm a doo-doo head.
Stenographer: 'Lawyer: I'm a doo-doo head.'
Lawyer: To be clear, I didn't say that in real life.
Judge: But the record says you did.
Lawyer: This doesn't make any sense.
Judge: It will when we're real.
Me: When will that be, your honor?
Judge: Sometimes I pee myself.
Judge: that's not how courts work but ok what's your question
Matt: does attorney-client privilege extend to courtroom hypotheticals
Judge: (muttering) I swear to god
Judge: Yeah, sometimes when I'm just sitting up here in my stupid robe having this stupid fucking haircut I just pee myself.
Lawyer: Your honor, I think they're reading this in real life now.
Judge: Don't worry, nobody can tell. I just start peeing.
Lawyer: Why?
Me: Because I gave blood that evening and then was drinking heavily that night.
Lawyer: Wait, does that work?
Me: Yeah, you become a super cheap date. Drunk as a skunk.
Judge: Wait is this now or then?
Me: I don't know anymore.
Me: Did you guys hear Dril is on Bluesky?
Judge: No shit? I heard it's better than Twitter.
Lawyer: With due respect, your honor, disparaging Mr Musk's business is illegal now.
Judge: Why'd you say now?
Lawyer: To communicate this is the future.
Lawyer: Now.
Judge: But when they read these posts out in open court, is that the future or is this the future?
Lawyer: We need to define "this" your honor.
Judge: This is now.
Me: So horny.
Lawyer: El oh el.
Judge: I don't get it.
Lawyer: You will when it's read out loud.
Fuck, I’m down!
'That's it, get him out of here, we're too many layers deep, now'