sign me up to filibuster and i will go deep into my headcanon lore and theories about the kids show The Octonauts. my speech will last approximately 29.75 hours.
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to be fair, calico jack never set out to be a fraud. his children disowned him when he got a boyfriend when kwazii was little and to explain to kwazii why he suddenly wasn’t around, his parents panicked and said “oh… hes a pirate now! pirating around!” and calico jack was already a one earring gay.
and he knew how much kwazii looked up to him, so whenever he met people on his gay travels he made them take an oath to keep up the story. then when his partner left him, he went to live in seclusion in the amazon. which WAS working until kwazii found half of a stupid tourist coin and thought it
was a map and went to the amazon. then calico jack had to pretend he was “searching” for that lost city for YEARS to keep up the story. but he knew where it was all along (because duh). then he had to pretend to leave on more adventures but returned to his home once the octonauts left.
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he also is in the closet and is compensating too hard (kwazii, not calico jack. calico jack hasn’t been in the closet since 1978).