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aikiwomannc.bsky.social
I'm not here to be the savior you long for only the one you don't. Part time cryptid Another ADHD fueled hyperfixation will be arriving shortly. Behold my skeets. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:r7wqaf3fczlnenogrqggrzyr/feed/aaajhzktmzatm
2,400 posts 8,880 followers 753 following
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Lab partner: How did you manage to set a glass beaker on fire? Me: It's not science if the fire truck doesn't show up. Lab partner: Your hair is smoking. Me: Thanks. Lab partner: Literally. Me: Science.

submitted 290 days ago • 3 comments

We go together like unprotected eyes and a lab accident.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

We go together like unprotected eyes and a lab accident.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

Soup is great if you're feeling hungry but also way too lazy to chew

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

An employment orientated networking app for heavily tattooed professionals called Inkedin

submitted 23 hours ago • 4 comments

i saw a dumpster on fire today and i thought of you

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Why does Amazon only deliver last night's drunk purchases at 4:00 AM? I don't need these trashy nipple hooks until Friday.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

welcome to sweaty boobs sunday it’s like sweaty boobs saturday only holier

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

my son’s friend was arguing with me about having an ai gf and said “what’s wrong with wanting someone who always makes you feel good?” and i said what’s right about wanting someone who you never have to make feel good?

submitted 1 day ago • 14 comments

i don’t want to see your nudes i want you to solve the riemann hypothesis

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

I’ve updated my resume by adding existential dread as a skill.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

ME: someone brought their infant to work, ugh. That's unsanitary, unproductive, and pandering for compliments ALSO ME: someone brought their dog to work, omg! Who's a good boy? Someone needs all the pets, yes they do

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

You don't follow me because you only follow people whose posts you like or whom you interact with? Okay, sounds transactional.

submitted 21 hours ago • 3 comments

I’m going to be an adult about this, I said, setting fire to another My Little Pony.

submitted 506 days ago • 0 comments

If you love something set it to music.

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

People who ramble for hours then say ‘Well, I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is...’ are just hoping you’ll buy a point they’re still trying to figure out themselves.

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

This day in history. 958. Archbishop of Canterbury Oda the Good died; succeeded by Ælfsige the Somewhat Less Than Satisfactory But What Are You Gonna Do.

submitted 366 days ago • 4 comments

My boss just set a meeting for July 2028 and a little piece of me died.

submitted 70 days ago • 22 comments

me: *winking* want to fool around? wife: sure I guess, why not me: *filling a paper bag with dog poop* awesome! put this on next door’s porch, set it on fire, then ring the doorbell and run away wife: I want a divorce

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

wife: *winking* the kids are out all evening, are you thinking what I’m thinking? me: *already setting up the Risk gameboard* I’m way ahead of you babe

submitted 248 days ago • 4 comments

In 1978, after a particularly revelatory evening of self-exploration, Tom Carvel introduced the ice cream magnate’s most controversial and least popular flavor ever.

submitted 1 day ago • 39 comments

"Morning, Jim!" "Hey, Tom."

submitted 1 day ago • 282 comments

he lived before the age of Lubricus

submitted 22 hours ago • 39 comments

stopped to pee at a McDonner’s

submitted 14 hours ago • 73 comments

Yes, by all means, autocorrect. Let’s describe me as a “long distance ruiner.”

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Alien enthusiasts with dyscalculia are always trying to sneak into Area 15.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

One day you’re young and the next thing you know you’re setting your phone font size to “billboard”.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Her: What’s your fantasy? Me: Well…it involves donuts and games… Her: Tell me more Me: Have you ever played ring toss?

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Pride Parade 2025

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It’s more efficient to set the others on fire instead.

submitted 21 hours ago • 2 comments

🎵My grimoire brings all the spirits to my yard And they're like, it's better than yours Dark rites, that'll give you sores I can leech you, but I'd have to charge🎵

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

*dinner date* Me: What are the specials again? Him: (an ophthalmologist) Steak? Or trout? 1 or 2? Me: Hm..trout. Him: Good. Which is better? Mixed veggies? Or mashed potatoes?

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Northern Lights over Salida, Colorado at 1:39am June 1, 2025 📷Lars Leber Photography .

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

once during a company all-hands, our out-of-touch CMO said "LGBD" and to this day I wonder what he thinks the D stands for anyway, happy Pride 💖

submitted 2 days ago • 51 comments

Her: Are those... Me, arranging my books between two dildos: Charles Dickends? Yes.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

🎵My grimoire brings all the spirits to my yard And they're like, it's better than yours Dark rites, that'll give you sores I can leech you, but I'd have to charge🎵

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

*dinner date* Me: What are the specials again? Him: (an ophthalmologist) Steak? Or trout? 1 or 2? Me: Hm..trout. Him: Good. Which is better? Mixed veggies? Or mashed potatoes?

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Patient: I don't think it's working. Doctor: Have you stayed on the dosage schedule? Patient: I've made it to the battle with Alduin but my skin isn't any better. Doctor: *Pinches bridge of nose* I prescribed Skyrizi. Not Skyrim. Patient: Oh. Well that explains a lot.

submitted 21 days ago • 7 comments

I often stand naked in front of a full-length mirror, studying myself to better come to terms with my imperfections. It’s not an easy thing to do though, and quite frankly I feel IKEA security could be a little more supportive.

submitted 537 days ago • 16 comments

She makes me want to be a better business bureau.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

After the rain 📷🪷

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

I could be eating caviar with foie gras if I had all my ducks in a roe.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Tina: You're simply the best. Me: What do you mean by that? Tina: Better than all the rest. Me: Oh! Thanks for the clarification.

submitted 101 days ago • 5 comments

“Everyone say cheese!” “Cheese!” “Cheese!” “Cheese!” “Cheese!” “Fuck you, Theresa.”

submitted 3 days ago • 34 comments

when you and your sibling have to pretend to like each other long enough for mom to take the picture

submitted 2 days ago • 33 comments

I've worn out better welcomes than yours.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

This day in history. 1995. US senator Bob Dole accused Time Warner of "the marketing of evil" but really The Smurfs and ABBA were just a little creepy.

submitted 368 days ago • 3 comments

If I was really tiny I’d ride a chicken like a horse, no questions asked.

submitted 9 days ago • 12 comments