Profile avatar
benfranklin4real.bsky.social
Writer, scientist, inventor, statesman, diplomat, printer, publisher, political philosopher, one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, drafter and signer of the Declaration of Independence, the First Postmaster General and a damn good lay.
115 posts 59 followers 45 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
Posts 23 Comments 27

A racist colostomy pouch is going to send my former Massachusetts Militia to brutalize and kidnap American citizens? Speaking from experience, while our militia spanked those stiff British like stepchildren, they don't stand a chance against 18 million irate Los Angelinos.

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

I long and vociferously argued that the pillory was a medieval form of punishment that had no place in a civilized society. Yet I wistfully recall the time I heaved a rotten cabbage fifty yards and splattered Hamfast Greene right in his lying gob. Let's bring it back for this low jockey 👇

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

81 years ago today, Eisenhower flouted my advice to invade Madagascar instead of Normandy. Granted, his strategy ended the war faster. But I still contend my approach would have resulted in zero deaths and just a scant few lemur bites. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normand...

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

This reminds me of the time my colic-ridden horse threw me into Prussia and I spent three delightful weeks at the Konigsberg School for Wayward Women as a "political refugee". www.reddit.com/r/KidsAreFuc...

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Buh boh, I do believe Lindsey is neck deep in the caca he is so "full of", this time around. Republican males simply cannot resist the siren song of a smoking hot blonde. Just have a gander at all their media liasons and spokespeople. youtu.be/J8wMNLaSNW4?...

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Before I located my bifocals, I thought this was security footage of myself getting the munchies during yesterday's air bath stroll. www.bbc.com/news/videos/...

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

This time around, The Night of Long Knives will happen on social media.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

The Free Press died in this country with the rise of cable television and 24 hour news stations. When you MUST retain viewers of a specific demographic to deliver on an advertising buy for your business model to work, you also now must adhere to ideology, rather than fact.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I despise this. But also, anyone who was in that very first admin had to sign a pledge not to stare at or mention the row of ghastly tombstones that Washington called teeth. www.newsweek.com/trump-admini...

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I'm from a time when the streets were constantly teeming with fecal matter. It does this old, American heart good to see the citizens of San Diego coming together to clear the dogshit out of their neighborhood.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

This is the type of irresponsible yapping that the Executive-in-Chief just cannot do to the public. I'm not saying this is the case with Biden, but swapping has happened way more than anyone might guess. Go compare the mustaches between Grover Cleveland I and II, I'll wait.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

This is the first bit of 21st Century technology that has truly won me over. I am cackling with glee watching moving pictures straight from Ukrainian drones as they decimate Russian Aviation. www.reddit.com/r/UkraineWar...

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Eh, we didn't "arrest" that much, back then. The Boston Baked Beans method was very effective. Simmering for 24 hours in a cauldron with molasses and salt pork wouldn't kill you, but knowing after that your fellow citizens were dying to devour you kept the rates of recidivism at a minimum.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I've followed the news about Taylor Swift buying back her catalog of music with great interest. I am engaged in a similar legal battle. If I can win back the rights to bifocals, you hooligans are going to have to pay me until I'm jumping into gold like that Disney Scottish waterfowl.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

This will NOT end well. Darwin and I tried this exact experiment in 1839, to our utter ruin. The puffins mate with the decoys and you get zombie puffin-decoy hybrids. After they devour your entire crew, you'll have to burn your ship and escape with Chuck in a rowboat.

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Sweet Lord in Heaven, my mouth is watering at the memory of these little jambon chariots. Though when I was first in France, it was just a man, a cart and his fiddle, and good luck getting served. Picture an ice cream truck constantly surrounded by forty slavering hounds.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Watching Loretta Swit's "Hot Lips" Houlihan was always akin to being in the presence of the original baddie, Florence Nightingale (minus the RP accent). Bravo.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

If you haven't visited Utah yet, now would be the time. This destructive railroad is going right up their Buttes.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Having braved the lawless and maniacal boulevards of Constantinople myself, I shudder to think what the aisle of a Turkish Airlines Boeing 787 looks like immediately upon landing.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

I will take a moment to remind my fellow countrymen that up North, if you make a nuisance of yourself, they stick you on an ice floe and wave goodbye as you drift away.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Every daily air bath since, hath been in memory of him.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

I stumbled and fell into the Thames once during a night of drunken revelry in 1802, and I am STILL finding bits of lemon peel on my person. I want my cut of this fine. www.bbc.com/news/article...

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

What a preposterous assertion. Every single major event in the recorded history of Russia can be summed up as either REALLY BAD or downright GRUESOME.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments