briesmith.xyz
The Internet's foremost Rory Gilmore hater. Still the Ray Kroc Professor of Cheeseburger Sciences, Hamburger University. Kentucky Colonel. She/her. #bbn
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Signal:@quietude38.04
56,804 posts
3,083 followers
824 following
Getting Started
Active Commenter
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Come do mine next
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Junior has Amy dressing him
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If it's not $Texas I might buy one
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I gotta try this
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Uncrustables: They're Smucking delicious!
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Impartiality means "you can't criticize Republicans"
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Yeah, the bed was only for sleeping at night. Naps were in the floor, the bed was not for sitting or playing on
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All furniture. Couches, chairs, ottomans, beds
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I’m kind of honored by everyone’s reaction to this because I really thought this was kind of normal
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We’re all going to die someday, Joe
Congress sucks ass
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I am proud of the fact that I have never once done that to any of my children and look at how they've turned out: able to aggravate my parents at the drop of a hat for not minding
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bsky.app/profile/brie...
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yeah
yeah
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I've never actually seen plastic-covered furniture
This was just regular couches and chairs
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I only recall getting the belt twice, and only once when I was old enough to have some idea of what I did to earn it
As I recall, I was playing with my sister's Happy Meal toy when it broke and I was insufficiently forthcoming about the circumstances of the event for my father's liking
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Doing it again after you were told not to is a level of disobedience I can't comprehend
Did your dad not own a belt to threaten you with or something?
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As the person who asked this, call me weird if you need to
JFC my childhood was so much more fucked up than I realized
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I cannot even imagine being permitted to make that kind of noise or do anything that wild.
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I did finally get a beanbag chair for Christmas when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, but even then I had to drag it to my spot on the floor
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I mean, this did start before my sister, the "save the marriage" baby, so maybe that does have something to do with it?
Anyway, yeah, turns out it's weird that I wasn't allowed on the couch or chairs. I guess I did have a pillow thing to sit on if I asked for permission
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I'm seriously re-evaluating some shit over here
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If I'd tried that at one grandmother's house, she'd have gotten the paddleball paddle out of the broom closet to whip me with
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Well, except for one chair at my mother's house that the front legs collapsed out from under once while one of them was sitting in it
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Well, yes, but truthfully until about a half-hour ago I kind of assumed this had just been a common experience, at least for people my age
For the record, to be clear, my children have never been forbidden from a piece of furniture in their lives
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Jumping on or off the furniture? Absolutely not
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Oh, you didn't go in there after they were asleep unless you were actively sick
Like, there was one time we were staying at someone's house and I threw up on my blanket in the middle of the night and just lay there because I couldn't get up without making a mess and I was afraid to try
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This has been every meal I've ever eaten at my grandparents' house
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Pallets were for naps and not for just sitting in the floor.
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No no, this is still the case today, you just know where you're supposed to sit. I'm on the side next to the wall, toward the south end of the table. My sister is opposite me, with our cousin to her right and my grandmother next to her. My grandfather is at one end, my dad is at the other.
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Next you’re going to tell me you didn’t have assigned seats at your grandmother’s kitchen table
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I can remember when my sister and I were allowed to have opposite ends of the couch but that was definitely once she was in school
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Feel free to judge, Lord knows I’m starting to
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No I mean this was the rule at home
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No?
Like, my sister and I had specific spots in the living room floor that we had to sit in, and you weren’t allowed on the furniture unless you were sick, basically, and even then maybe not
Also had to nap on the floor because the bed was only for sleeping at bedtime
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You weren’t required to sit in your specific spot in the floor?
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Yeah, there are a couple that are firm but most are debatable for me
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Adley
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The real takeaway here is that Barry Bonds was absolutely ridiculously talented and the steroids weren’t even necessary
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Yeah, there’s a video of Jennie Finch throwing to Barry Bonds where he’s amazed by how her “curveball” is really a hard slider
Then he stands in and just taps every pitch she throws like he’s taking bunt practice
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Jared Lorenzen would show up in the intramural basketball courts in college and just blow past guys who thought that he’d be easy to guard
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That’s why I love this so much: youtu.be/gm9iZnqGMvY?...
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Wait is that not Ricky Starks
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I had really close box seats at Comerica once and yeah, I could neither throw nor hit a major league changeup, much less a four-seam fastball
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If only CNN had a second channel that could focus on such “headline news”