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bryan.town
retired sock model he/him 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️
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I feel an unreasonable amount of pride when I write a skeet so strange that my phone’s autocomplete doesn’t guess a single word

submitted 3 minutes ago • 0 comments

in the nursing home railing a line of joint medication off the ada-compliant shower seat

submitted 4 minutes ago • 0 comments

what kind of surveillance network did willy wonka have for the oompa loompas to have songs already prepared about the negative patterns in each child’s life?

submitted 19 minutes ago • 0 comments

they call it a barbecute when I’m holding the tongs

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

I wonder if they smashed any other gourds or vegetables before settling on pumpkins

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

public transit would be more popular if they let you chase after a missed train on horseback

submitted 20 hours ago • 3 comments

dorian gray but instead of a portrait it’s your phone’s front-facing camera view

submitted 16 hours ago • 3 comments

me: why does sisyphus keep pushing that rock up the hill? he never gets anywhere me living through 2025: oh, okay

submitted 127 days ago • 1 comment

I think period blood must be a delicacy for vampires, right?

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

me: sorry guys, my wife said no judge: once again, that doesn’t clear you of any charges

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

POLL: is it time to create a new Taco Bell menu item in America that actually represents the 80% of ingredients in the middle?

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

it’s pride month, have you made a gay friend “skdjdjddkfjkd” today?

submitted 3 days ago • 8 comments

I have an idea for a podcast where I review media for parents, and every review will only address the first 30 minutes of the show/movie. my reviews will say things like “too stressful to watch” and “there’s no way she wore that out with a three-year-old”

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

taking out my brain and giving it a stern talking to while pointing my finger so it knows I mean business

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

they better let me keep one leg out when they cryogenically freeze me or i’ll never be able to sleep

submitted 2 days ago • 16 comments

I wish my brain had a hard reset like holding down the computer power button

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

there’s two kinds of people in this world

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

got up early today to get some stuff done* *scroll my phone longer before getting out of bed

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

“and this is my manic pixie dream gill” “don’t you mean girl?” *opens the flap on my next to reveal glittery pink folds of flesh*

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

happy pride, everyone! i love pride because seeing people live the best and most authentic version of their lives makes me happy and also inspires me to do the same

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

there’s no saved drafts on bluesky, just the delete button

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

people today are always asking “is it worth it?” and not “can you put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it?”

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

lofi beats to slow cook your brisket to

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

this but it’s one (1) notification

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

men love ska because their epigenetic memories of The Bronze Age make them transfixed by all that gleaming brass

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

there’s no one so full of rage as a three year old when you help them after they specifically ask for help

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I forgot the word for toiletries so I called them “shower condiments” and people don’t like that at all

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

there’s no one so full of rage as a three year old when you help them after they specifically ask for help

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

The Animorphs goes the hardest out of all the children’s books about PTSD, moral ambiguity, and the horrors of war

submitted 687 days ago • 3 comments