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caitlintake2.bsky.social
A man with a raccoon face led me here.
289 posts 202 followers 137 following
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Posts 45 Comments 3

it's sunday night. devil those eggs

submitted 16 hours ago • 26 comments

If I were a bus driver I would 100% make the doors chomp on people and be like “oh my gosh I’m so sorry he’s just really hungry right now” and then chomp on them again and then get fired

submitted 3 hours ago • 12 comments

before people were invented dandelions ruled the suburbs

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

I feel like I need to rinse my brain and maybe wring it out a little

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Man, I love abandoning an online cart. The repeated texts and emails and pop-ups that follow like, "Did you leave something behind?" and "Tonite bestie?" and "Would this coupon tempt you queen?" really make me feel wanted and special

submitted 1 day ago • 20 comments

The music of Seinfeld, divorced from the show itself, is nothing short of disgusting. Imagine if the show didn’t exist but the music somehow did. Hearing it, your face would twist in angry revulsion

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

you have to laugh at what you can’t control (which is why I can’t stop laughing)

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

brushing my teeth extra messy in the bathroom mirror for everyone watching just in case i’m being truman show-ed

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

my hair falls out one follicle at a time and i wonder do i love me or do i love me not

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Me: Hello! Co-worker: Hey, how are you? Me: Not bad, how about you? Co-worker: Oh, I'm here. Me: Yeah. The horror of knowing this is my daily work exchange for at minimum the next 30 years.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

You can tell which one went to Juilliard

submitted 2 days ago • 14 comments

[yelling over club music] I said grief is a rain that falls on everything

submitted 2 days ago • 10 comments

Drinking so much water that I will build up a tolerance to it and won’t need to drink it anymore.

submitted 2 days ago • 9 comments

If you blow helium up Your ass do your farts sound cuter

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

I should never go into the liquor store high, I almost asked the owner if he's cool with poisoning the community.

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

my internet is down so I designed a mascot for Denny’s

submitted 2 days ago • 9 comments

People say I’m a joke. But jokes make people laugh—I make people uncomfortable with my clammy energy.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I'm not asking for happiness...just a little less sadness would be nice.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

The White Stripes are cool but it’s sad that you can’t listen to them after Labor Day.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

I feel like I never really finish pooping, I just take breaks.

submitted 3 days ago • 30 comments

What if Bob Saget’s last name started with an F? Like instead of Bob Saget he was Bob Franklin

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments

I always carry a bottle of Selsun Blue in my pocket, to drink if a fight is about to break out, because nobody is gonna fight a guy who drinks Selsun Blue.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

As kids my brothers and I played a lot of board games, and by that I mean we stood in the yard and hit each other with boards.

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

If 10,000 hours makes a master, why do I still stare blankly at the chip aisle struggling to choose a flavor?

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

My grandfather accurately summed me up when I was 7, when I overheard him gripe to grams, “I don’t care what you say, the boy is goddamned weird.”

submitted 6 days ago • 2 comments

not a hollaback girl, but not yet a hollaback woman

submitted 6 days ago • 15 comments

It's probably fine that my watch notifies me that today was a high-stress day literally every single day

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

jc penney. thats a poverty mindset. should have been named jc one million dollars

submitted 6 days ago • 12 comments

In Hell, you just turn the roll of tape around and around, but there’s no beginning. There’s never a beginning.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Its swimsuit season, I whisper, eating another swimsuit

submitted 20 days ago • 29 comments

I just flew in from Qatar, and boy are my arms for sale

submitted 7 days ago • 10 comments

We’re rapidly approaching the moment when Smells Like Teen Spirit will be featured in a pharmaceutical commercial for arthritis medication.

submitted 6 days ago • 5 comments

in the UK they call sprinkles “pudding chum chimleys”

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

I put smoked salmon in some marinara sauce last night and let me tell you what, don’t do that.

submitted 6 days ago • 18 comments

Hope is a beautiful delusion.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

La Croix is the only sparkling water endorsed by Jesus.

submitted 6 days ago • 6 comments

Finally emptied the overflowing bathroom garbage only to have someone immediately fill it up with the plastic from a six pack of TP *drives into lake*

submitted 6 days ago • 6 comments

mechanics parking attendants 🤝 working on a lot of cars

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

me watching weekend at bernies: man I wish I was dead

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

his greed sickens me

submitted 8 days ago • 8 comments

Someone told me to get over it today and I politely pointed out to them that I don’t do that.

submitted 118 days ago • 1 comment

You know they make the blenders loud so you can't hear the fruit screaming.

submitted 168 days ago • 50 comments

Sorry I keep referring to maple syrup as an elixir, I'm just deeply dissatisfied with life.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

The people, they yearn for ABBA.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments