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captainmax.bsky.social
Writer who's constantly giving himself titles he made up. Like cobbling fantasy and jokes. He/him pronouns and gender identity and such. 31. https://www.maxdweckwriting.com
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Okay, this is my newest very very favorite meme.

Simpsons S17E8: "The Italian Bob" Lisa: Dad, don't act like Mussolini. Homer: I thought I was doing Donald Trump. It's unfortunate how well that joke aged.

Ending to the dream I just woke up from: Undulating Mass of Energy: I'm unstoppable! I've overcome all my weaknesses thanks to the Chaos Emeralds and Dr. Frasier Crane! Sonic the Hedgehog: *One-shots the energy mass* Energy Mass: No! How can this be!? Sonic: Ha-ha! Frasier isn't real, dumbass!

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there.

I've gotten to the point where I'm so used to balding that older pictures of me with a full head of hair are strange and unfamiliar to me. Like who is this fucking freak of nature, honestly.

Encyclopædia Britannica will continue to use ‘Gulf of Mexico’ for a few reasons: -We serve an international audience, a majority of which is outside the U.S. -The Gulf of Mexico is an international body of water, and the U.S.’s authority to rename it is ambiguous. 🧵⬇️

everybody always wants to send me to the hospital just cause i figured out a really fast way to get down the stairs

"Facism is the act of self-deception in service of making your own life more painful, solely for the payoff of making life more painful for people you dislike."

Just had one of the most beautiful conversations of my life: “Can I get the meatball parm hero and the garlic bread?” “Do you want the meatball parm hero ON the garlic bread?” The world is full of magic, guys.

I’m today’s New York Times flashback history quiz. Resist, baby!

Tonight I did my first stand-up comedy set ever and frankly, I killed it. Excited to get out there and do more of it.

[playing poker] FRIEND: I’m all in ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too FRIEND: um, a pair of kings ME: you bet we are

Last night of Chanukah is bittersweet. A full menorah with all the candles lit is very satisfying, but knowing it’s the end of the holiday brings down my mood. Still, I like how the ending this year lined up with the New Year. I feel really ready to move into whatever comes next.

Thing worth celebrating: Earlier today I was at the coffee shop and secured their last croissant of the year. Bye-bye, 2024.

I would graciously like to thank Marvel What-If for bringing the maximum amount of Kirby Krackle possible into the MCU.

New terrible discovery on the dating apps: Someone rapping poorly on the "Proof I have musical talent" audio prompt on Hinge. There's so many extra levels of cringe.

Does anyone else ever go through word phases, where you just find yourself using a particular word a lot for a period of time that you don't usually use as much, or even at all? Lately I've been saying "homie" a lot. This shit just happens to me sometimes and I have no idea why.

It’s weird that there’s so many guys named James, yet I’ve never seen a singular Jame.

Is this goin' around now? Most of my brainspace is dedicated to opinions on DC characters. Gimme whoever you got, and don't be afraid to make 'em obscure.

Oh no, my Reddit account is 16 years old. I've been a Redditor for over half my life now. Someone fucking end me.

Ordinarily I’d never buy these but @hbomberguy.bsky.social got me curious with his new Patreon video so let’s give it a whirl!

*hacker voice* I’m in.

Outfucking standing photo choice

You know why parents send their kids to Hebrew school? To get an edjewcation.

You hear about why the coast guard has been training sea mammals to perform first aid in the ocean? For medical porpoises.

There’s no emotional whiplash quite like the one between “aw, what a cute baby” and “oh god it has pierced ears”.