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damnitjanet.bsky.social
Elegant couch ornament. Standing up just complicates matters Scottish and Queer | she/her My shitshow: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:t3dajzevhocfddfzczceizlp/feed/aaaoojl75k4ve
8,709 posts 14,527 followers 1,450 following
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Posts 44 Comments 5

Baklava, the most delicious lava.

submitted 2 hours ago • 4 comments

Men: "THERES A LONELINESS EPIDEMIC" also men:

submitted 1 hour ago • 42 comments

[road trip] DAUGHTER: I have to use the bathroom. ME: *pulls into rest stop* DAUGHTER: Thanks. ME: Make sure you’re back in 5 minutes. DAUGHTER: I will. ME: We accidentally left your brother behind once. DAUGHTER: I don’t have a brother. ME: Exactly.

submitted 1 hour ago • 28 comments

I have never believed McCool is someone’s real name. It’s just something you call yourself when you are actually that cool.

submitted 5 hours ago • 5 comments

told you

submitted 4 hours ago • 15 comments

These kids opened a lemonade stand where I have MY lemonade stand and I kicked them little shits off my corner like Avon fucken Barksdale

submitted 7 hours ago • 5 comments

I didn't believe in astrology until I found a burn book about the stars and it was like "every stellar clique tries to influence an event that will raise its status" and I was all "I never felt accepted in the universe, except by this popcorn"

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm started to find it suspicious that everyone in my family dies right when they're about to reveal the secret to spending time on your own without drinking

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

Heather Gray, Dusty Brown, and I saw Satin Jade Pearlcoat put on the best ever drag show.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

“come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove”

submitted 6 hours ago • 28 comments

Why does ren get his own fair, but stimpy doesn't. Kind of bullshit if im being honest

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

Please don’t ever doubt yourself. That’s what we’re all here for

submitted 12 hours ago • 6 comments

My wife wrote that I don’t respect her privacy. I’m never reading her secret diary again, it’s too hurtful

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

You don't have to say you don't swing that way no one's asking

submitted 11 hours ago • 7 comments

LOVEY SLEPT OVER TEN HOURS, BUT WHO SLEPT ONLY THREE AND A HALF HOURS? I DUNNO, OLD HOLLYWOOD DARLING AND LOVING MOTHER JOAN CRAWFORD?

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

I made my dad Maurice into every member of Obituary

submitted 10 hours ago • 9 comments

you can say fuck if you want you’re an adult and it feels good

submitted 10 hours ago • 28 comments

orthopedist: i think you’ve got a frozen shoulder jeffrey dahmer: yes. there’s one in my freezer right now orthopedist: what

submitted 9 hours ago • 3 comments

One more dozy reply and I get a set of steak knives.

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

when your cat gets hypnotized

submitted 8 hours ago • 8 comments

listen you can talk about buoyancy density and archimedes all you like but i am telling you what floats my boat is kindness and butts

submitted 10 hours ago • 3 comments

Absolutely love when 5 sparrows are trying to fuck up a hawk

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

she's a ten but she dances like the ally mcbeal baby

submitted 22 hours ago • 7 comments

Phil Collins' "Easy Lover" was a diss track.

submitted 21 hours ago • 5 comments

I don’t know what all the funny looks are about; you’d think my neighbors would be glad I’m finally getting around to painting my lawn

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

So tired of not having a girlfriend and not being able to discreetly watch her while she applies makeup in front of the mirror as I lean against the door frame until her eyes meet mine, and she asks, “What is it?” and I reply, “Nothing,” and she smiles, continuing to powder her face.

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

remember when getting all dressed up to go out on a saturday night was so thrilling instead of it feeling like some sort of punishment

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

going in circles with nervous anxiety cause i've got the doomies

submitted 21 hours ago • 1 comment

A lot of painting a room is just looking at the other person and questioning their approach.

submitted 19 hours ago • 1 comment

I bet being tucked under a tall woman’s arm and carried around feels so safe

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

it’s weird that when women feel lonely they read or something and when men get lonely they mass murder

submitted 1 day ago • 23 comments

the moon is mighty big tonight and either I will eat it whole or it me

submitted 23 hours ago • 13 comments

in this house

submitted 22 hours ago • 1 comment

My titties are less boobs and more two majestic moons that control the tides of men.

submitted 20 hours ago • 29 comments

[talking to myself in the mirror] You’re a fucking slut bro

submitted 20 hours ago • 2 comments

It's okay to press all the buttons, it's okay to pull all the levers. It's even okay to DJ scratch flick a switch. It's what you think is gonna happen next that matters. "I am the one in controls of my destiny mayday mayday I picked the one thing connected to predetermination I'm goin down fate"

submitted 19 hours ago • 1 comment

She's a 10. Fahrenheit. It may not be a sensible unit of measurement, but who cares? She will freeze your nuts off if you try.

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

There is a lot of dark magic you can do with the parts of the body you would normally discard. Please think of me before you throw out your skin tags.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

‘it’s crop top season,’ i say ‘moooore liiiiiiint,’ my belly button ghost demands

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Lifehack: you can pronounce "central" as "sensual" and no one will notice. Sensual Pennsylvania, sensual processing unit, sensual park, etc

submitted 17 hours ago • 5 comments

stealing all your posts for black metal lyrics

submitted 22 hours ago • 2 comments

if you love that puppet on strings so much why don’t you marionette it

submitted 23 hours ago • 5 comments

I'm just glad our private parts don't get calluses.

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

I always book into the quiet carriage on a train so that people can't scream when I start killing.

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments