Profile avatar
damnitjanet.bsky.social
Elegant couch ornament. Standing up just complicates matters Scottish and Queer | she/her My shitshow: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:t3dajzevhocfddfzczceizlp/feed/aaaoojl75k4ve
8,717 posts 14,535 followers 1,450 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 42 Comments 8

if you have a drone and get another now you have drtwo

submitted 10 hours ago • 7 comments

my draft read, ‘I’m a heartbreaker, cream maker’, so there you have it

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

Baby, I want to take you home and correct your grammar

submitted 3 hours ago • 6 comments

I’m sorry for being the 70th heart on your post

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

The smallest type of animal is a minimal

submitted 43 minutes ago • 2 comments

me: you’re telling me this engine is made out of vegetable juice ? car salesman: what

submitted 2 hours ago • 5 comments

I've been called stupid. And dumb. Even idiot. Plus stupid dumb idiot. Also smooth brained donkey, ok that one hurt. A thick derp, a halfwit, actually tbh I forgot where I was going with this..

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Today I’m complimenting people on random body parts. Like hey, you have great ears or damn your elbows are hot.

submitted 1 hour ago • 15 comments

I know it’s Monday because everyone in the office looks like they’re dragging a wet mattress through emotional molasses with noodle arms and existential dread.

submitted 1 hour ago • 7 comments

Can't believe people have trouble finding these, it's literally right there!

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

With everything coming out of one hole, how do chickens not constantly have UTIs.

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

Meanwhile, in England

submitted 8 hours ago • 6 comments

Gary the intern insists that antelope is pronounced like penelope. Unfortunately we have no evidence to suggest that he’s wrong, so we’re just going with it.

submitted 8 hours ago • 10 comments

Goes to have a little whinge Looks around Nvm

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

I’m not really a joiner, I’m more of a rejoinder.

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

didn't show ya'll this fine gato yet?

submitted 5 hours ago • 2 comments

My shadow puppet can kick your shadow puppets ass.

submitted 9 hours ago • 2 comments

at the end of the day, all guys are just looking for someone who doesn’t smirk when you say “deep throat it”

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

A pair of nesting coots debuted their six little goth poof babies around my pond today, so I guess the day wasn’t a total write-off.

submitted 13 hours ago • 8 comments

when I was little my sister and I would pretend our farts came out as little orbs that we could throw, and what I'm saying is I wish I could throw my fart orbs at ICE

submitted 13 hours ago • 10 comments

𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Guys! Stop expecting more followers. This is it, everyone’s here now and everyone knows about everyone and has made their choices. Our duty now is just to survive as long as we can to annoy the journalists but there are definitely no new people on the way ever

submitted 13 hours ago • 5 comments

wish someone would reboot my early twenties when I didn’t even know

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

the couple doing their full weekly shopping at this odd hour is giving grandfather clock vibes

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

"It's not supernatural, it's just a bargain." That's how they got me. And I knew that the savings were a lie but they had used the only implications I could not resist, a mysterious twist for the season finale of my show Ad Campaign Hunters

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

"I DIE, YOU DIE," she bleats at her constituents in her best Gary Numan.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

This initial hurdle has been recognized and hopefully cleared, but there may still be a bear in the way yet. It's supposedly offering us free Moscato, but I don't trust it. It has soft paws

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Our six year old is mad at us because he won't get a military parade for his birthday.

submitted 14 hours ago • 2 comments

Baklava, the most delicious lava.

submitted 15 hours ago • 5 comments

Men: "THERES A LONELINESS EPIDEMIC" also men:

submitted 14 hours ago • 58 comments

[road trip] DAUGHTER: I have to use the bathroom. ME: *pulls into rest stop* DAUGHTER: Thanks. ME: Make sure you’re back in 5 minutes. DAUGHTER: I will. ME: We accidentally left your brother behind once. DAUGHTER: I don’t have a brother. ME: Exactly.

submitted 14 hours ago • 75 comments

I have never believed McCool is someone’s real name. It’s just something you call yourself when you are actually that cool.

submitted 19 hours ago • 7 comments

told you

submitted 17 hours ago • 15 comments

These kids opened a lemonade stand where I have MY lemonade stand and I kicked them little shits off my corner like Avon fucken Barksdale

submitted 20 hours ago • 6 comments

I didn't believe in astrology until I found a burn book about the stars and it was like "every stellar clique tries to influence an event that will raise its status" and I was all "I never felt accepted in the universe, except by this popcorn"

submitted 20 hours ago • 3 comments

I'm started to find it suspicious that everyone in my family dies right when they're about to reveal the secret to spending time on your own without drinking

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

Heather Gray, Dusty Brown, and I saw Satin Jade Pearlcoat put on the best ever drag show.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

“come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove”

submitted 19 hours ago • 33 comments

Why does ren get his own fair, but stimpy doesn't. Kind of bullshit if im being honest

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

Please don’t ever doubt yourself. That’s what we’re all here for

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

My wife wrote that I don’t respect her privacy. I’m never reading her secret diary again, it’s too hurtful

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

You don't have to say you don't swing that way no one's asking

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments