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damnitjanet.bsky.social
Elegant couch ornament. Standing up just complicates matters Scottish and Queer | she/her My shitshow: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:t3dajzevhocfddfzczceizlp/feed/aaaoojl75k4ve
8,754 posts 14,562 followers 1,453 following
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Posts 45 Comments 4

There’s ear-shaped pasta and elbow-shaped pasta but there are some obvious missed opportunities for pasta body parts.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

it's hard being the glue that holds the friend group together (the only one with a printer)

submitted 1 hour ago • 6 comments

Is it wrong to regift old free massage coupons from your ex?

submitted 54 minutes ago • 1 comment

A pint of blood a day keeps most people away.

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

Now, a message from Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof: Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor. Cat races have been canceled due to rain. Cats really hate getting wet. God bless.

submitted 5 hours ago • 2 comments

"Save room for dessert!" I told that waitress, I said, "Grrl, I have a whole suite to fill with sweets.". She was sweet on me, I'll say that. I tipped her a whole 22%.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

lost in thought wondering where that is could I leave a sign so others can find way their way or is this nice as is and you're still talking I could hear words or count them til you take a breath listen for a rhythm stay just beyond a throat clearing away from joining the living who are not in fact

submitted 7 hours ago • 3 comments

buy up all the candy cane chapstick in December and thank me next June

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

Chapstick! It's not just for your butt!

submitted 4 hours ago • 12 comments

repeating my typo to myself like i'm chanting a rosary in a film while the killer is putting an axe thru my door

submitted 2 hours ago • 4 comments

Regular cowgirl so I can see your clown makeup

submitted 3 hours ago • 6 comments

Reckon I could've been a champion at hide n seek as a kid but I just peeked too early

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

every year on my birthday i insist that everyone sing stairway to heaven before i blow out the candles on my cake.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

i’m like the michael jordan of saying “huh?” even though i heard you perfectly the first time

submitted 4 hours ago • 7 comments

Where is a journalist brave enough to tell the truth: Some people on bluesky are funny and nice

submitted 3 hours ago • 7 comments

I do what my eyebrows want not the other way around

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

if thursday isn’t for titties idk what is

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

“i’m still punk” i whisper as i replace the insoles in my new vans w/ dr scholls

submitted 3 hours ago • 10 comments

My boss knows I need to gnaw a little on my pile of bones every time I get stressed

submitted 17 hours ago • 2 comments

Not to get all sublime up in here, but I can play a 4/4 beat on my air drums like a motherfuckin' riot

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

Sometimes, right around a quarter to midnight or so, you just really need some organ meats.

submitted 16 hours ago • 4 comments

Hello? Ok anyway bye

submitted 16 hours ago • 3 comments

my birthstone is sly and the family

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

got a job as a shape-shift supervisor. no one ever believes me when I tell them what I do, but the History channel wants to film me for a reality show.

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

you might think, "will he keep posting stuff that gets 4 likes? has he no shame?" and the answers are 1) yes and 2) no

submitted 15 hours ago • 7 comments

*Yells from the back of an ambulance* “Told you I would bounce”

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

I dog-eared the time you said you had a favorite page, wrote the date on a pretty dried out flower then pressed it for more details. "It was a favorite piece of paper, not too special" and that's why nothing's worth keeping, fire is everything, a book should be anywhere except a freezer.

submitted 15 hours ago • 7 comments

It's not a proper big stretch unless you turn into mumm-ra

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

In the olden days, people had to make vibrators by putting bees in a hollow stick and hoping they got off before the bees escaped

submitted 14 hours ago • 8 comments

Not many people know this, but the Dexter serial killer character is the grown-up version of the Dexter from Dexter’s Laboratory.

submitted 14 hours ago • 6 comments

Woke up startled, thinking I was late for work, only to be relieved to find I was already there.

submitted 14 hours ago • 5 comments

In the olden days, people had to drive cars powered by horses. That’s why the Mustang is so iconic.

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

In the olden days, prizefighters were paid in chits that they could redeem for plastic spider rings, friendship bracelets, or a real rabbit’s foot!

submitted 14 hours ago • 1 comment

Oiling vegetables in their own oil feels wrong

submitted 22 hours ago • 11 comments

It's not spontaneous combustion, I'm just chaffing, bro.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

I'll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I've felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower.

submitted 21 hours ago • 6 comments

It's very confusing hearing my 50+ maga neighbor getting railed bc like I'm happy for her but also I hate her

submitted 21 hours ago • 20 comments

clenching my jaw as a hobby

submitted 20 hours ago • 7 comments

so broke i can’t even afford to be white trash anymore

submitted 20 hours ago • 5 comments

what’s it called when you do the same dumb fucking thing over and over? (asking for a friend ofc)

submitted 18 hours ago • 11 comments

finally learned how to pick locks it didn’t even take that long i just said “those locks please”

submitted 20 hours ago • 9 comments

I would like to pass away now

submitted 17 hours ago • 26 comments

ME, as a 13yo: when I grow up I’m gonna have popcorn and a martini for dinner ME, as a 36yo: I’m gonna have popcorn and a martini for dinner

submitted 20 hours ago • 25 comments

Recipes that say “Serve at room temperature” What room? A sauna? A walk-in freezer? That’s lazy as fuck, grandma.

submitted 20 hours ago • 2 comments

I feel like I am one bad morning away from wearing a barrel with suspenders to work

submitted 20 hours ago • 12 comments