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daniel-barker.bsky.social
I like to think there's a little something for everyone here. There isn't, but I can think what I want.
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It's fucked up that Wayne Rooney is somehow STILL younger than me

For the absolute last time: I *never* said I thought E.T. dressed in the wig and the dress was sexy, I said *I could see why people would think that*

A chance to reminisce about the time Musk bit on the right wing conspiracy theory about Pelosi's husband and a Twitter employee called him a halfwit to his face. He's only gotten worse since then

Just feel like you could've saved a lot of effort by not voting for him in the first place

don't say shit to me unless you're prepared to answer some exciting, insightful, loving questions because I am fascinated by you bro

PREMIER INN, IF YOU ARE STAYING IN A HOTEL IT IS NOT A STAYCATION.

Because nature, libraries, and people are diverse. Happy Pride month! #pride #PrideMonth #LGBTQ

it's kind of wild that tottenham hotspur threw a bigger parade than the us military

I love that a politician can say something like “I believe mice naturally spawn out of grain” and the news will now just treat that as a legitimate line of thought

[Killing Me Softly voice] Chessington World Of Adventures

These are some of my favourite stairs.

*pushes nerd’s face into crystal ball* WHY ARE YOU SCRYING?

Sorry i can't make it to your thing, i'm busy pouring gallon jugs of water into my trashcan to figure out what size garbage bags i should buy

u wouldn't even need to plug me into the matrix u could just leave me to chill in the pod with the weird goo i would have a great time

Seeing Pulp in 2025 was always going to give me a weird burst of nostalgia and time dilation, what a rush. Love to dance to a song about how far in the future the year 2000 is.

Asked to get somebody a drink, the 4yo asks the pertinent question adults don’t dare contemplate: “Does it need to be real?”

I love you Jarvis Cocker you weird mad bouncy goblin pixie wizard

Lizard in Baltic Amber, Eocene c. 40 million years ago

I'm not redoing a joke format when it's like six weeks since we last did it, you have to let the grass grow a little.

[chuckling to my cellmate] they’re not actually allowed to put me in here

One of the most insane 9/11 stories to me -- this woman got laid off the day before, missed the attacks, then came back to work because the HR department all died

You go out for the evening now and you have to spend a few mins checking whether the US still exists.

Got promoted to head crab. Well, it was more of a sideways move.

Good news for all of you

What Order Will You Refuse making a big comeback in the important questions ranking right alongside Do I Have The Fucking Measles

Own up, who awoke the ancient gods

Strong evidence that Trump is a liar with cognitive impairment, this is all I've been able to think about since yesterday, when I was born.

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

The thing is you look at Pulp song titles and roll your eyes like ok yeah Jarvis is love good is it. But you listen to it a few times and you're like shit he's not wrong though you DO got to have love

'All of his problems.'

Tomorrow is the big day: Rachel Reeves announces how much gov departments have to spend over the next 3 years. This is a critical moment for public services like the NHS, police & schools. But what's the *starting point* for services? Team IfG takes a look at performance and it's not pretty: 🧵

and have learned how to hold a grudge.

I'm trying to work out what the healthy alternative to putting loads of cheese on stuff is and I've concluded it's just "sadness."

I briefly worried that this moment of aggressive suppression of speech and protest might undermine my writing on free speech where I characterise the whole debate as a bad faith weaponisation of “free speech” talking points to conduct a culture war against the progressive left, but: nope still true

It’s deeply sinister to hate Greta Thunberg like some do, there’s so much wrong with it I don’t know where to start

I’m actually genuinely quite surprised at how negative the response is to the protests in LA. The ICE people are being nakedly lawless. The President is being nakedly fascist. And a bunch of people who didn’t vote for Trump are for all intents and purposes on his side. Very very weird behavior!

Yes but what you've got to remember is that some students sometimes got over-zealous about encouraging inclusive language and that's where it all went wrong.

“This could poll well with midterm swing voters in Ohio” I remark sagely as I watch a fourth grader get bundled into an unmarked van at recess by armed and masked agents of the state.