david.hunkey.org
I’m a Dad, a happy perpetual student, cybersecurity professional, and an aspiring retired Marine.
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My therapist says “The only way to actually resolve your feelings is to feel them. If you push away or pretend for long enough that they disappear, they will come back in unpredictable ways.”
What do you think?
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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I beg pardon for this silly approach:
-The echos of that tune reflect deeply in my own soul!
-Music rings out of me when that tuning fork is struck!
-This subject makes the air hum so strong that I do too!
-The mathematical ratio between that frequency and my own is a set of rational numbers!
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Pass.
I’ve never felt more lonely than when I was with someone who didn’t actually care about me.
Mi peor es ella. Prefiero nada.
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A no laughing rule feels like black and white problem solving.
… Do they understand the problems that arise from splitting?
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There is a lot of peace in just letting people be who they are and taking note for our own peace and safety.
Learning when to shut up and when to speak up is a self taught skill. It’s fluid and individual and varies by environment. I think the best teacher is consequences.
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Oh yes.
When you’ve been hurt, that pain is legit. If we don’t find a way to resolve the hurt, the scars are gonna deny us a future with someone great.
This is our job. Only we can heal ourselves. No partner can do it. I’m convinced this is what “putting in the work” means in dating.
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It’s been worth every raindrop.
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Of course these questions are only for partners we want to keep. If you’re being abused, these questions don’t help.
Instead, the best you can do with an abusive partner is to talk about the abuse with trusted friends and professionals and make an exit plan that keeps you safe.
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Should I be setting a boundary?
Is my complaint productive?
Am I trying to control something?
Am I doing this in revenge?
Do I feel righteous? Have I exaggerated?
Am I honest AND kind?
Have I left enough room for grace?
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Talk can be abusive-like when it’s untrue or manipulative. But most talk is just talk.
Healthy relationships are both authentic and responsible.
Also, when I express a negative about my partner, I can’t just hide behind “it’s true!”. I could explore what other reasons I have for saying it.
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Here’s some questions that helped me.
Is the relationship threatened by talking or because someone was abusive?
Is the relationship so fragile it cannot handle uncomfortable truths?
Can talking it out ever be abusive by itself?
Is it better to hold your experience inside?
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Your fans would get it, but most of the world isn’t in your audience.
I think your original statement could feel to the uniformed like testing waters. I’m not surprised at all that there are negative responses to it.
People who feel righteous often hurt others. Thanks for being you regardless.
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Awe. Bliss. A little confusion.
God hates a coward but it doesn’t look like he protects the brave from themselves either…
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That’s an attempt to paraphrase Rick Hanson in this episode. Jump to 44:14 for the exact quote.
youtube.com/watch?v=F4hh...
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Teddy has this wonderful quote he gave to a boys college:
“I want to see you brave and manly and
I also want to see you gentle and tender”
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Your feelings will be thankful that you respect them, especially when others won’t. Walking away is beautiful self love.
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For me it’s often boredom. I go on a run or clean something and suddenly I’m less interested in food.
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The two definitions for “make” feels like a lot like swapping the word “fault” for “responsibility”.
Sometimes English is insufficient to explain our inner worlds. I really appreciate the dialogue here.
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I’m sorry that someone taught you that emotions and complaints must be 100% factual before they can be considered for validation. That is a very tough worldview to survive in. I have also felt the same at points in my life.
I’d encourage you to experiment with softening that view. YMMV.
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I could not disagree more. We all need people in our corner. The best environment to improve oneself is surrounded by unconditional love and support. Healing one’s mistakes takes grace.
I think differentiating which moments to validate or challenge is a better model of “maturity”.
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I think it is very true. Emotional maturity can sense and even support when someone’s emotions make distorted words [i.e. all men].
If you’re lucky enough to experience someone trusting you with their anger, responding with facts will eventually lose that privilege. Just validate the emotion.
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The second to last panel here hits in the same ballpark. The negging is just a cherry on top.
imgs.xkcd.com/comics/picku...
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PAY ATTENTION DAVID
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It was bullshit, but in my middle/high school there was an extensive fear of being told you have cankles. Ankle socks were a demonstration that you were proud of your legs and full length was hiding something.
It was bullshit.