deeks549.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

deeks549.bsky.social

Professional Procrastinating Introvert Recovering addict New Posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nt2ee4i355er6jdyv3wpomef/feed/aaaaq5yncb67a Best Posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nt2ee4i355er6jdyv3wpomef/feed/aaagy2zlggk6i

17,360 posts 12,581 followers 715 following

Posts 41 Comments 9

My family loves to pile items in the freezer such that an avalanche of food topples upon whomever opens the door in a little game we like to call ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

Whenever I start losing an argument, I drop down into the splits and punch them under the loincloth.

submitted 16 hours ago • 15 comments

skeeting from my burger phone

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

I enjoy long walks to the fridge and tripping over step stools. I guess you can say I'm a hopeless romantic.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

The great thing about getting older is the ability to fall and hurt yourself without even drinking.

submitted 1 day ago • 25 comments

If I say, "Wow! Sounds great, pencil me in," you'd better have an eraser.

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

Pussy Eating 101: Start like a fluttering butterfly. Finish like a bulldog eating a bowl of oatmeal.

submitted 3 days ago • 12 comments

Go get your own reply gals, pal. These ones are mine

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

We all post stuff that can get people riled up sometimes. So if anyone out there is upset with me for something I’ve posted that they took personally, I just want to reach out and let you know that I don’t care.

submitted 22 hours ago • 13 comments

Don’t forget to spend a little too much time on your hair today so when you go outside, the humidity can turn it into a sewer rat’s ass.

submitted 16 hours ago • 5 comments

do you think it’s bad that I fall asleep every night with my phone or iPad am I gonna die?

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

I thought Grandpa was in the back room practicing his harmonica. Turns out that he was having a fatal asthma attack. I'm so embarrassed.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

My boss, Johnny Four Oysters, is working on a plan that will make us uber rich. We'll soon be taking full control of all vending machines owned by the blind syndicate.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

BREAKING: I have partnered with the gal that used to plastercast all the rock stars she slept with. Well anyway the David Bowie launches next month (not available in Texas)

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

I said “no diggity,” but that look in my eye said yes diggity.

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

Over or under meant something different 45 years ago.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

“dogs have such high emotional intelligence, they know to console you when you’re crying” MY DOG:

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

changing my flight so I can engage with the discourse in a timely manner

submitted 15 hours ago • 10 comments

dirty thoughts with a clean heart

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

how dare you unfollow me without me bitching to my friends about it

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

running a seminar for frozen food brands on what pesto is (and is 𝘯𝘰𝘵)

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

a fart every six minutes keeps everyone away

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

this is my emotional support john cena voodoo doll

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

biscuits & gravy and chill

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

i was reading the bluesky terms of service and was shocked to discover there is NO PENALTY for failing to make a lame sexual double entendre in someone's mentions. i always thought this was built into the protocol layer.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

if i walked in on uncle joe doing the hand jive with my sister i'd sic the doberman on him

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

Building an online subculture on Barry Manilow across all platforms

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Listening to K-LOVE on the way home and throwing devil horns at the truckers

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

we’re hurtling through space and time and so are hot dogs

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

any of u seen my headphone things in here?

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

something i love about bsky is i can say i’m feeling horrible in my head and people will show up and drop happy things and encouragement i can say my vulva is itchy and people will offer to help with that too

submitted 13 hours ago • 19 comments

Face down, ass up, but its me drowning in the bathtub

submitted 12 hours ago • 4 comments

Them: Love yourself. Me: Have you met me?

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

I make up voices for each of you

submitted 1 day ago • 23 comments

If I hosted an end-of-the-world orgy, I’d invite like 6 of you. Tops.

submitted 3 days ago • 46 comments

What have you done for pollinators lately?

submitted 3 days ago • 40 comments

Big thanks to everyone who skeeted birthday love at me today. Me and my Canadian beaver are overwhelmed and moist with gratitude. 💕💕💕

submitted 1 day ago • 62 comments

I have a Zoom job interview today and I’m more nervous about using Zoom than I am about the interview part, is my brand of anxiety.

submitted 12 hours ago • 3 comments