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dopeshow.bsky.social
Cigarette butt collector, esquire. Legal Advice: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7kbe2ppvlcrszkduecbj4syj/feed/aaai5iu6grewk
1,592 posts 1,142 followers 771 following
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Posts 41 Comments 9

brushing my teeth extra messy in the bathroom mirror for everyone watching just in case i’m being truman show-ed

submitted 19 days ago • 4 comments

:::elon throwing his son x at the president::: “AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU!!!”

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

if you count parasitic twins sharing a gastrointestinal tract then yes I’ve had a threesome

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

Spared you my death spiral, please respond.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I could be funny, smart, or insanely hot, but I chose the path of humility.

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

8yo: Dad, do you know about Bloody Mary? Me: The ghost that comes through the mirror and kills children? Sure! 8yo: 😳 Me: Ohhhh you mean the drink! Ya ya

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

Could I bum just a sip of your love and affection, homie

submitted 1 day ago • 14 comments

No way. The "grab 'em by the pussy" guy?

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Jumping to conclusions? With these knees?

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

I will use an entire roll of paper towels to squish and pick up a bug because eww

submitted 21 hours ago • 5 comments

Old enough, when someone says get on the pill, I assume they mean heart

submitted 23 hours ago • 6 comments

I think I'm over this being human thing

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

You don't deserve to know my dogs name

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

The best stories in life start with "Don't ask me how I know this but.."

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

ever hear the news and think "nothing's shocking," then think of naked conjoined twins with their heads on fire instead?

submitted 16 hours ago • 32 comments

there should be an emotional pain scale like 0-10+, how many funny animal reels do you have to watch per day to stay alive

submitted 2 days ago • 16 comments

today’s fun little mystery: are these hives from anxiety or am i just allergic to being alive?

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

The enemy of my enemy is an even bigger little bitch

submitted 18 hours ago • 8 comments

A dad sneeze so powerful, they have to adjust the 10 day weather outlook.

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

sir! excuse me, sir! how do you respond to the recent allegations that you *checks notes* suck

submitted 630 days ago • 5 comments

Fuck old people, start with me

submitted 19 hours ago • 19 comments

Everything is shit so at least we have that going for us

submitted 19 hours ago • 1 comment

Sending a much smaller and younger man to my 30yr high school reunion with a whole Benjamin Button backstory

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Pouring baked beans in your ballcap

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

He’s a ten but he calls Spaghetti Pasghetti.

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

whoever named tiddlywinks was so fucken high

submitted 165 days ago • 6 comments

Sorry i yelled bicycle face when you grew that handlebar moustache

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Me: I'll have a Coke Zero with no ice. BK: LOL fuck you, you're getting extra ice. Burger King, Have It Their Way™️

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

she's a 10 but her boogers taste weird

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

putting a dollar into the dopamine vending machine and watching as the dopamine gets stuck on the way down

submitted 133 days ago • 14 comments

before he died David Lynch told me you're each supposed to send me 1000 dollars

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

feeling kinda depressed should I watch Stepmom?

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

none of you are having sex this is something i am certain of

submitted 1 day ago • 59 comments

I'll wave you out at the four way stop when I damn well know it's not your turn, idgaf

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Seeing white dude's pale legs is probably the worse part of summer for me.

submitted 1 day ago • 23 comments

If I was a deer I would probably say “Oh deer” when things went wrong a lot. Then my animal friends would laugh at my puns.

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Nobody warns you that in Perimenopause several decades of post nut clarity hits you all at once

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

this alphabet soup has too many vowels

submitted 1 day ago • 22 comments

On a positive note, there’s no end in sight.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Imagine hating me and I’m over here not having a clue to who you are

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

*mentally pinning other people’s posts*

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment