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dumbmike.bsky.social
I run a kill shelter for small dogs πŸ’–
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Does anyone have tips for cleaning d**d** out of fabric? I invited ICE kahuna Tom Homan to a nice dinner and he got confused and went on the carpet. It's an intricate colored pattern, so bleach is out of the question.

submitted 22 minutes ago β€’ 2 comments

All I gotta say is: this never would have happened if y'all had voted for the beautiful perfect dream I had one night as a kid. I imagined all about it with the simple brain of a child. And sometimes, today... well, sometimes, I still do.

submitted 19 hours ago β€’ 1 comment

Just doing some casual Saturday research on horse semen and very disheartened to discover a single vial of this cum they're selling up in Saratoga far exceeds my net worth. Very humbling. Feeling grounded. I would go try to steal some but I don't have any horse pussy.

submitted 8 days ago β€’ 0 comments

Immigration Czar Tom Homan just commented on the day's events: "Our officers habba imbodan rull a the when erry aw all comin in to the when an it is almody un to the wherry up un when of it. And that's jusa truth."

submitted 16 hours ago β€’ 3 comments

β€”Can I use the bathroom? β€”Oh sure. Just head outside, find a hole in a cliff, tunnel into the foundation, climb past the observatory to the haunted rumpus room, pass through the gift shop for my house, push a big button to rotate all the walls, and then go through the secret passage to take a shit.

submitted 7 hours ago β€’ 1 comment

Immigration Czar Tom Homan just commented on the day's events: "Our officers habba imbodan rull a the when erry aw all comin in to the when an it is almody un to the wherry up un when of it. And that's jusa truth."

submitted 16 hours ago β€’ 3 comments

submitted 10 days ago β€’ 3 comments

Great. Just picked up a dog turd and rolled it around in my hands to try to identify it. After a while, it finally struck me: it was a big piece of brown shit!

submitted 16 hours ago β€’ 3 comments

RIP Governor Gavin Newsom. He was pursued up a construction scaffold in the rain to the edge of a rickety platform, where he declared "You can't hurt me, I have diplomatic immunity" before Jean-Claude Van Damme said "You aren't immune to gravity" and roundhouse kicked him off the building

submitted 18 hours ago β€’ 20 comments

What I like thinking when I see footage like what's going on in LA is: A lot of Nazis are gonna have a real bad sleep tonight haha. Some of those big tough men are going to wet their beds.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 1 comment

All I gotta say is: this never would have happened if y'all had voted for the beautiful perfect dream I had one night as a kid. I imagined all about it with the simple brain of a child. And sometimes, today... well, sometimes, I still do.

submitted 19 hours ago β€’ 1 comment

President Donald Trump has just signed a Presidential Memorandum authorizing the mobilization of my two fat nuts to the back of his throat.

submitted 19 hours ago β€’ 3 comments

At house parties in this neighborhood, I'm usually thought of as "the charcuterie board guy". Because of the time an eyeball flew out of my head when a host hit me in the back of the skull with a charcuterie board.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 1 comment

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. ~ Fred Rogers

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 0 comments

The only good genre of post is when a white poster says "White people love living in a place with 'amenities'" and a clown car of bingo hall racists pulls up outta nowhere to scream "That's not TRUE I'm White and don't even have Walls in my house since Charlie drove his F150 home from church Drunk"

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 0 comments

What I like thinking when I see footage like what's going on in LA is: A lot of Nazis are gonna have a real bad sleep tonight haha. Some of those big tough men are going to wet their beds.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 1 comment

As a healthier dessert option, try incorporating more fruit into your diet. Anything from a fresh red apple to a bloated sandy banana to a bucket of tide water you've been soaking bananas in before you push them slow, whole and unchewed, down your throat makes a great alternative to a "Kit-Kat" bar.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 1 comment

Not familiar with Pride? Educate yourself! I just learned it's a celebration. It's also a powerful statement about courage, community, and determination. We honor the trailblazers who came before us, join arms with those leading the fight for equality today, and empower the next generation to liv

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 6 comments

How is it that we have gone, in such short order, from β€œCall me Ishmael,” to β€œcall me maybe?” The dereliction of intellectual faculties continues apace.

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 0 comments

At house parties in this neighborhood, I'm usually thought of as "the charcuterie board guy". Because of the time an eyeball flew out of my head when a host hit me in the back of the skull with a charcuterie board.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 1 comment

🚨 PSA AND WARNING 🚨 There is NO SUCH THING as a "male IUD". The process is painful, personal and has no effect at all on male pregnancy prevention. Further, the promotional cowboy hat they send for getting the procedure is a child's size. It feels humiliating to be asked about all day at your job.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 4 comments

This is just like Kendrick vs Drake .. Except with two damn Drakes!! Took a nap yesterday when drafting this and forgot to send until now. Can't remember what this was in regard to.

submitted 1 day ago β€’ 6 comments

I have fallen down different 30-foot holes directly in a straight drop onto my bent ankles so many times this week that now I'm hugging the floor and army crawling everywhere I go. ___ π‘‡β„Žπ‘’ π‘‘π‘’π‘“π‘–π‘›π‘–π‘‘π‘–π‘œπ‘› π‘œπ‘“ π‘–π‘›π‘ π‘Žπ‘›π‘–π‘‘π‘¦ 𝑖𝑠 π‘‘π‘œπ‘–π‘›π‘” π‘‘β„Žπ‘’ π‘ π‘Žπ‘šπ‘’ π‘‘β„Žπ‘–π‘›π‘” π‘œπ‘£π‘’π‘Ÿ π‘Žπ‘›π‘‘ π‘œπ‘£π‘’π‘Ÿ π‘Žπ‘›π‘‘ 𝑒π‘₯𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 π‘‘π‘–π‘“π‘“π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘’π‘›π‘‘ π‘Ÿπ‘’π‘ π‘’π‘™π‘‘π‘ . β€” π΄π‘™π‘π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘‘ 𝐸𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑑𝑒𝑖𝑛

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 1 comment

Not familiar with Pride? Educate yourself! I just learned it's a celebration. It's also a powerful statement about courage, community, and determination. We honor the trailblazers who came before us, join arms with those leading the fight for equality today, and empower the next generation to liv

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 6 comments

Wife raised the garage door to pull in when I was filming myself naked in there doing the Chris Pratt flex from Guardians - and she thinks I've got what it takes to be in a Marvel movie! Sending Feige a nude sizzle reel soon!

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 2 comments

MODERATOR: Gov. Cuomo, why should you be the next mayor of New York City? CUOMO: I am known by all as a stonecold zaddy who serves. MODERATOR: Mr. Mamdani, you have 30 seconds to respond. MAMDANI: It's true. The governor is mother and she ate.

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 0 comments

I have fallen down different 30-foot holes directly in a straight drop onto my bent ankles so many times this week that now I'm hugging the floor and army crawling everywhere I go. ___ π‘‡β„Žπ‘’ π‘‘π‘’π‘“π‘–π‘›π‘–π‘‘π‘–π‘œπ‘› π‘œπ‘“ π‘–π‘›π‘ π‘Žπ‘›π‘–π‘‘π‘¦ 𝑖𝑠 π‘‘π‘œπ‘–π‘›π‘” π‘‘β„Žπ‘’ π‘ π‘Žπ‘šπ‘’ π‘‘β„Žπ‘–π‘›π‘” π‘œπ‘£π‘’π‘Ÿ π‘Žπ‘›π‘‘ π‘œπ‘£π‘’π‘Ÿ π‘Žπ‘›π‘‘ 𝑒π‘₯𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 π‘‘π‘–π‘“π‘“π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘’π‘›π‘‘ π‘Ÿπ‘’π‘ π‘’π‘™π‘‘π‘ . β€” π΄π‘™π‘π‘’π‘Ÿπ‘‘ 𝐸𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑑𝑒𝑖𝑛

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 1 comment

Wife raised the garage door to pull in when I was filming myself naked in there doing the Chris Pratt flex from Guardians - and she thinks I've got what it takes to be in a Marvel movie! Sending Feige a nude sizzle reel soon!

submitted 2 days ago β€’ 2 comments

Candy does seven thingsβ€”it relieves your hunger, quenches your thirst, fills your stomach, cleans your teeth, makes you sleep, helps you digest, and colors your cheeks.

submitted 445 days ago β€’ 6 comments

Let me be EXCEEDINGLY clear: the "round thing in your face" that gets you "sprung" in Baby Got Back is a woman's huge ass. I'm sick to death of seeing people on the timeline argue it's something else spherical or circular. This is the exact sort of erasure of women's huge asses Mix tried to address.

submitted 3 days ago β€’ 46 comments

If you're the sort of leftist that won't put your unconditional support behind nepo babies, have I got news for you: you aren't a leftist at all. But you might be. It's more for you to decide.

submitted 3 days ago β€’ 3 comments