eiknx.bsky.social
19 posts
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9 following
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perhaps i should strive to be extremely extraordinary as a life-lasting goal
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perhaps i just need to become more principled, something to guide my life upon
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i just need to devote myself to something for once
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even though i'm pretty numb, i'll try to not give up and find the meaning i'd care about
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if i had the means of killing myself with one quick action, like an already prepared noose or a gun, i'd probably do it.
it's just to a point where i don't care about dying itself even if deep down i wished for it
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i used to care about people deeply, i would give myself away for people, but now it just seems that i'm self-absorbed
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the very essence of my being is probably just that i don't actually "care" about anything, i'll dwell on things but i won't deeply care about them, i won't really try to pursue them
it really is a motivation issue
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well, atleast i'm able to accept those feelings now, it seems that my teenager self was always apathetic to them, maybe i'll feel different in 5 years.
it probably just does boil down to "just keep pushing"
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i wish i could romanticize my life in the ways some people do, but it just never works.
i always keep tracing my thoughts back to my sister who passed away from cancer that kept telling me "you're too logical"
maybe that is the case, but i can't change myself either way
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yeah, that sounds relatable. keep at it, you never know
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it's hard to keep being interested in a person/thing once you gained the knowledge about them and likewise their actions become predictable which breaks the overall mysteriousness about them, it just gets painfully boring to get accustomed to the same exact person, does it feel like that for you?
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do you think that the essence that made you keep talking to that person is now completely vanished up? a new met person is usually just a black box i'd like to know more about but once you put everything in place it just gets boring and you move on to the next black box,
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o shit
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✋