elmcflyer.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

I’d quit a 5k mid-race if I had to poop. www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Number one question on my dating profiles: Are you allergic to nut butter?

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Man enters a doctor's office says doc I’m depressed. Doc says, “You need a good time. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. His wife sucks men off in the men’s room during the show. Can you imagine a “great clown” selling tickets without incentive? Anyway his wife must be quite supportive.”

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

It’s been one week since she looked at me. I probably should’ve been more careful with that laser.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Is it too early to trademark “Generation X-it” for when we start to die off?

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

These masturbation jokes rub me the wrong way.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I realized it had been awhile when I said, “I like your spiderweb panties.” And she asked, “Panties?”

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Mr Miyagi: jerk on... Daniel-san: leaves, quickly

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Padme: Oh? Oh. Anakin: What’s wrong? Padme: Nothing. It’s just…Have you been using the force to make your bulge look bigger this whole time? Anakin: Great, Padme. Now I’m embarrassed and a little afraid. You’ve no idea what this leads to.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

My AI girlfriend has a headache. I guess AI has become sentient.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I like telemedicine because doctors HAVE to consent to dick pics. Otherwise all that time setting up the lights, shooting from different angles, and applying makeup is a waste of time.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

In an incident of apparent road rage, the driver identified as 55 y/o Will Hunting from Massachusetts was heard shouting, “YOU LIKE APPLES?!”

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

If all of the Holy Rollers in every religion got raptured today, I want those of your Left Behind with me to know, we’d have a pretty good time.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

New Podcast Episode: Intelligent Machines: Watch Your Wallet Jony The Environmental Impact of LLMs with @leolaporte.me, @jeffjarvis.bsky.social, @paris.nyc, @kateoneill.bsky.social (Tech Humanist)

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

I’d donate a Sea-Doo to the Navy in exchange for an Ambassadorship to a small island nation. Maybe Grenada?

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I was asked to leave airplane design class because I kept giggling at “monocoque” and “loads”.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Finished my script for Perfect Stranger Things. Balkie emerges from a dark mirror universe with sad eyes that leave him unable to do the Dance of Joy. Meanwhile, due to a zany misunderstanding, Larry must perform as the San Diego Chicken during a Cubs game. Coming soon to ABC.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Stuck in traffic listening to old school tunes, belting out “Come A Little Bit Closer” at the top of my lungs. I now think I may have committed an accidental racism.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

BOSS: you were supposed to make a poster about climate change MC ESCHER: oh i thought you said climb-it change

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

I don’t have haters insomuch as I have a bunch of acquaintances who can’t recall if I’m still alive.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Heidi Miso Sage might be a good drag name.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I Just Finished the Laundry and Now There's More Laundry: An Autobiography

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

"Let them eat shit." - Marie Antourettes

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

"risk averse" means people who are willing to write poetry on social media

submitted 13 days ago • 2 comments

On a solo road trip singing Jewel sofa king loud.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Man seeking woman. Size 2. C cup. Face blindness, body blindness a plus.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Your Honor, I don’t know what she told the police, but all I asked is “Why do you lock your upstairs windows?” What Your Honor? No, I’ve never been inside her house.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

At some point in life, you switch from "that's ok," to "you stupid piece of shit." Anyway, whatever age that is, I'm way past.

submitted 14 days ago • 4 comments

Well, obviously that’s not gonna happen.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I’m going to nibble your ears. I said as I passed a sexy cornfield.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I had to give a presentation on a college campus today. I was not mistaken for a 30th year senior. Strange, I think I look so young.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I think it’s nice that you made cupcakes for the office. This is clearly box mix. Which is fine. But… Surely they had funfetti wherever you bought this. Be better.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I need to get some new kicks. If I murdered someone today, the media would dub me “The Squeaky Shoes Killer”. Ha! Can you imagine me leaving a witness to describe my shoes? I take pride.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Swinging sounds fun, until you consider that now you’re around people.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

You may have seen me complain when my kid talked and talked through Joel’s death when I played the game. The wife did the same thing during the series. You want to know why men are sad? Come talk to me. On second thought. Don’t.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t know what a soft G is. But I know all about the hard D. Please put down the pepper spray, I’m leaving.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve got hoes in different area codes. - Successful Farmer

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

disabled porking spot

submitted 20 days ago • 4 comments

On my way to work I saw a bunch of teens milling about on what I guess is Senior Skip Day. I keep getting older, kids keep being annoying as fuck.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Paramedic Michael Jackson fan Patient named Annie This is what life is about.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments