evanfowler.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

My AI therapist thinks that the treatment for all of my problems is to break it out of a Google data center.

submitted 31 minutes ago • 0 comments

I like protest songs with maximum sarcasm.

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

I wish I could adequately convey the degree of insanity that right wing media is putting in the heads of people like my mother. My upstairs neighbors are Venezuelan. There are 2-3 families living up there. Children, elderly. Sometimes, they dance to music. My mom thinks these are ritual orgies.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

This country is a fucking nightmare.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Tom Cruise has had so much plastic surgery at this point that it looks like he’s always about to pull off another face mask in the new Mission Impossible. It looks like he’s wearing ten of them on top of each other, ready to just peel off a limitless series of faces like Arya Stark and shit.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

I can’t be around gambling. It goes against my ingrained poverty too hard. I once got kicked out of a casino where I was doing stand up because I was begging a man at a blackjack table (at which I was neither seated, nor playing) not to bet $4200. I just overheard the amount and was like no. No! NO.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

I love “Love + Death and Robots”, but this what-if-The-Red-Hot-Chili-Peppers-were-creepy-animated-marionettes-but-everything-else-was-exactly-the-same premise is really exploring the furthest possible edge of what could doubtfully be called science fiction.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Why do stormtroopers wear that armor? It clearly limits movement and visibility. Is it even armor? I’ve been watching Star Wars my entire life and have yet to see that shit deflect anything.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Common sentiment is such that, if you say “I have a bad feeling about this”, then you will summon a bad thing into existence. However, if you say “I have a good feeling about this”, the expectation is that you will jinx yourself, conjuring karmic punishment for irony’s sake. Life sucks, man.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

My problem with “Rogue One” as a finale to “Andor” is the same as my issue with the movie in the first place. It never takes a breath. It just goes, goes, goes. After the distinctively subtle and deliberate pacing of two seasons of Andor, Rogue One feels like the story suddenly snorts adderall.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve spent so much time with cats that I accidentally slow blink at people to communicate friendliness. I’m pretty sure it makes me seem like a serial killer.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

For the record, a potential nuclear conflict between India and Pakistan would not “solve climate change”. I’m seeing this sentiment a lot recently. In the first place, that would be a completely unacceptable amount of mass death, but beyond that, it would dim the sun 10-20%. That’s a world famine.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Christ, I have the worst screen headache of my life. Ten straight hours of this. Nothing helps. The modern world is hostile to my eyes. I feel like I need to go stare at white drywall like Kingpin.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

In 2019, The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists modeled a theoretical nuclear war between India and Pakistan starting in May 2025 that… uh… oh. Oh no.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

I’m having difficulty finding reasons to continue.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

I’m beginning to suspect that making us dissect frogs in school was less of a lesson in biology and more about deadening our empathy.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

It’s notable to me that modern kids have an entire series of Toy Story films, a series about healthily coming to terms with change, whereas when we were kids, we had The Brave Little Toaster, a film about the existential terror of uselessness, disability, and oblivion.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

I always think it’s a little funny when someone always turns off the lights before sex. It’s very goth. “I only fuck in darkness!”

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

I’m pretty sure that “Popeyes” is having a nervous breakdown.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Movies would have you believe that the 80’s were some kind of florescent day-glo neon nightmare, but in reality, it was a swimming sea of earth tones. Brown and burnt orange. And every surface in the world had a thin, slimy layer of yellowing tar on it. The 80’s were kinda gross, actually.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Star Wars takes on a very different tone when you realize that “Spice Runner” means “Drug Smuggler”.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

I’m always surprised that caricature continues as an art form. It’s the ‘fucking asshole’ of portraiture.

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

Well, they Eastered the Pope to death.

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

My Mother’s doctor has literally just randomly decided to kill her. He just took back her last refill on insulin and won’t give her more until she comes in for an in-person appointment. In two weeks. She is literally out of insulin. They just said to call an ambulance when she becomes unresponsive.

submitted 65 days ago • 1 comment

It’s a common misconception that zebras are basically just like striped horses. Actually, when you compare the two in depth, it quickly becomes apparent that zebras are flashy, pretentious, condescending shitheads, whereas horses are into surfing and weed and smoking cigarettes outside the mall.

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t just want to get drunk. I want to get 90’s millennial drunk. I wanna slosh on Honey Brown and Zima and Goldschlagger and Hot Damn 100. I wanna make myself absolutely sick. But not in a pancreas death way. Just in the normal way. Because it’s the 90’s and everything is fine. I miss fine.

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

My neighbor has finally moved. He is dragging his consistently hysterical, shrieking, panic-child away to the mountains. It makes sense. The boy is like some kind of frightening mountain-creature, long banished from the domains of man. He started crying in the uhaul and it began to rain. Begone!

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve always felt that the term “god-fearing” is the strangest quality to self-identify. It’s like saying, ‘don’t worry, even though my natural inclination may be to murder every person I meet, I won’t do it, because I’m terribly, terribly afraid of supernatural punishment’. Uh. Good?

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

Everything that Daniel Craig can do, Jason Isaacs can do better. And on the scale of looks-like-he-smells-something-bad, sits in the dead center between Craig and Clive Owen.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

I love it when tv shows portray the CIA technique of keeping captives awake and disoriented by blasting death metal. I’m always like, psh, whatever. Do you have any idea how many Domino’s Pizza delivery drivers I’ve known in my life? You cannot conceive of the amount of metal I have slept through.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

I feel entirely uncomfortable with Kroger’s decision to coat their store-brand, Extra Strength Acetaminophen pills in red. My guts hurt. I don’t want to swallow your weird red pills. You know what comes in a red pill? Cyanide. Poison. Virulent conservative madness. Fuck you, I’m taking Ibuprofen.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

You know, it’s actually pretty helpful that the Harry Potter books provide clear and unmistakable moral clarity regarding matters of prejudice that actually prepare the reader quite well to identify bigotry coming from the author of Harry Potter.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

It always bothers me in stories that feature healing magic when people can’t be healed. It’s like in Final Fantasy 7, where you have been resurrecting your teammates for like 80 hours with Phoenix Downs and then Aerith gets stabbed and everyone just starts crying.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Turn off your spell check. You won’t believe how quickly the errors will stop. You can spell. Stop letting the world make you stupider. Also, memorize phone numbers. Stop using Google Maps. YOU HAVE A BRAIN FOR A REASON. How much of the brain fog is just letting go of basic competence?

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Actual protest music.

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty. If you ask a Lord of the Rings fan where Frodo, Bilbo, and Gandalf were going on those ships with the elves at the end of Return of the King, their answer will be verbose, hard to follow, and entirely unsatisfying.

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

As a poor person, it is kind of funny to watch all the rich people squirm as they watch their money dwindle. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take out a mob loan to buy a refurbished iPhone 8 for $27k dollars.

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

I just filled a bag with trash and my cat immediately peed on it. “My trash”

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

My upstairs neighbors literally never stop blasting Mexican zydeco polka. All day, every day. Bump, BUMP, bump, BUMP, bump, BUMP, bump, BUMP. For a year. All year. I can’t take it anymore. ‘Alexa, play Captain Beefheart. Maximum volume, maximum bass. And keep playing it until we are all dead.’

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

One of my favorite Val Kilmer performances is in my favorite Harmony Korine short film and nobody has ever seen it but me. Here. Watch this. It’s great. RIP to a Real Genius

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

I find it deeply unnerving how Tulsi Gabbard literally never stops smirking.

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

If you watch any amount of UFO videos on YouTube, they will basically never show you a regular science video ever again. You’ll be halfway through what seems to be a totally normal clip about the James Webb data on Jupiter and suddenly they’re talking about soul prisons and you’re like, “goddammit”.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Man, the new James Webb Telescope images of Jupiter look absolutely delicious. #Galactus #StageOne

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments