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flynntoff.bsky.social
Every time you shake hands with a dog you are entering into a dog contract whose stipulations you could never understand
75 posts 57 followers 211 following
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Posts 11 Comments 39

While running down the garden, I got caught up in a fantasy and jumped to head an imaginary football, the washing line I hadn't seen caught me right across the bridge of the nose flipping me onto my back

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Introduce yourself with some jobs you have done apart from what you do now: In no particular order 1. Cocktail barman 2. Wetherspoons barman 3. Real ale barman 4. Trainee accountant 5. Philosophy tutor 6. Gardener

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Nevermind airplanes you'd accept as a bribe. What about ones you'd regard as a threat?

submitted 9 days ago • 3 comments

I had done this genuinely just as an enquiry and Google suggested that people are always putting their thumbs in their anuses

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Fund and run a hovercraft bus service up the Thames from Teddington to Greenwich with stops at Richmond, Kew/Chiswick, Putney/Fulham, Vauxhall, Westminster, Blackfriars, London Bridge, Tower Hill and then I don't know where after that. Plus an express Richmond-Westminster service

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

It’s only embezzlement if it’s from the Embézzle region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling corruption.

submitted 54 days ago • 104 comments

The Matrix released 26 years ago today 🤯 In its honour, here it is, but all the Agents are Mr Blobby.

submitted 61 days ago • 27 comments

NAAA NAAA NAAA NA-NA-NA-NAAAAA NA-NA-NA-NAAAAA GEORDIIII8UIES

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

🐷🏗️ I built a #Styscraper 🔺8.59m high! Rating: 🐽🐽🐽➖➖ vole.wtf/styscraper/

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

@profanity.accountant have I even posted enough to register

submitted 77 days ago • 1 comment

This is just obvious nonsense, my work were generous with paternity leave, well over statutory minimum, and it wasn't enough to adjust, also I liked spending time with my kids, I didn't want it to end, also its a few weeks out of a whole life, also what the fuck guy

submitted 108 days ago • 0 comments