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fulkery.bsky.social
13,629 posts 9,175 followers 1,752 following
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Posts 47 Comments 3

me showing up in the timeline

submitted 46 minutes ago • 7 comments

the world would be cooler if we put more hydraulics on stuff

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

Listen, I'm no "hero." I'm just a guy who always parks within the lines drawn that you are supposed to park between.

submitted 57 minutes ago • 5 comments

“YOU COULD JUST CALL THE DOUBLE QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE A HALF POUNDER WITH CHEESE” I scream while being dragged out of McDonald’s in handcuffs

submitted 1 hour ago • 9 comments

Life is like a box of chocolates that someone shit in.

submitted 54 minutes ago • 5 comments

Don't see many pogo sticks these days.

submitted 5 hours ago • 8 comments

i feel like i’m another bad news cycle away from becoming one of those people you see in the store wearing only one shoe

submitted 22 hours ago • 6 comments

elf in the streets hobbit in the sheets

submitted 10 hours ago • 5 comments

when you deactivate what do you do with your time? think about what i’m posting?

submitted 9 hours ago • 12 comments

I wanted to take her to Poundtown, but only got as far as

submitted 3 hours ago • 14 comments

one of the best pickup lines i’ve ever received was at a christmas party when a man named monty said he saw me through a pair of reindeer legs and knew he had to shoot his shot

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

me: *with a black eye and missing a front tooth* them: omg what happened to you? me: i tried to kill a fly

submitted 4 hours ago • 4 comments

sometimes i wake up and think how can i be this exhausted already but then i look around and am like oh yeah right

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

Un-keh-noan

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Brandy and Monica just announced “The Boy Is Mine” tour and I hope it’s just them singing that song 12x

submitted 3 hours ago • 4 comments

can't wait for conservatives to discover that I voted for Mamdani twice: once as a she and once as a her

submitted 8 hours ago • 5 comments

Remain soft. No, not you

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

Updating my resume: Nervous Breakdown 2016-present

submitted 21 hours ago • 7 comments

The masculine urge to pay out all my 401k and buy a boat, change my address to a tax haven in the Caribbean, and transport illegal things for expenses until the end.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

Oh if I’m a Jedi I’m supposed to let go of things? I’ll let go. Of my enemies. With a fuckin’ proton warhead.

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

[offers you an ice cold shrimp cocktail for your sunburn]

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

Arranging for my tombstone to provide suggestions of similar humans you might like

submitted 8 days ago • 6 comments

Please take everything I post seriously.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

neighbors are having their regular tuesday meeting to discuss exactly how much I lowered their property values this week

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

People keep getting mad when I pronounce the parentheses.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Charging your electric bike in your truck before you ride some trails in a somewhat hilly set of pastures is not quite as rugged as you hoped, solar power generator company.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If you want proof that Melon Husk is lucky and not brilliant, look no further than him completely not understanding that AI is just prevailing opinion.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Having to worry about having healthcare and basic living expenses is not a competitive environment, people compete best when they are not afraid. Fear is best for discouraging people from taking risks and encouraging compliance to the establishment.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If you look at the percentage of people that are billionaires who didn’t inherit millions, you will see that there is no point in emulating them, following them, or listening to their advice. It’s less than 1% even with the inherited wealth in the US.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Another way of saying it would be "quantified favoritism."

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Ohh a "meritocracy," where the dominant ethnic culture decides whatever they do has merit.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I suddenly have more Bluesky followers than xfwitter followers. Interesting, but it’s still just like 12 actual people on each platform.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Let me in your food storage facility, I have done a taxes.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Hello there fellow humans, wanna go do some opposable thumb bipedal warm-blooded stuff? Let’s be careful not to lose any of our one set of adult teeth, amirite? Ha ha. Yeah.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

That is a fine patina you have there. Skin. I meant skin. I am not a robot.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Just gonna start responding to everything with “really? Extraño” until people stop saying things to me.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i have grown accustomed to my compounds and elixirs

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

The first three tacos were for my stomach, the fourth my soul.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

'light of Aurora' (2021) Anastasia Trusova

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Look! It’s Enrico Palazzo!

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

I'm smart if you don't count my taste in men.

submitted 573 days ago • 7 comments

Oh to be your touchscreen and feel your OW okay why the fuck is the space bar right there?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

centipede human wears pants with 100 legs and goes to work from 9-5

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

bratwurst, try a little self-confidence. how about "princessbest"

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Pretty hard to avoid inflation when existence itself seems to have no value. Oh a $40 pencil? Yeah sure I guess. I’ll take the payment plan.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

proving how old i am by letting you count my penis rings

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

If you chew through five mouth guards they will put your picture on the wall at the dentist

submitted 1 day ago • 42 comments