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grommit56.bsky.social
Marriage, my dogs, golf, work, Disney parks, general stupidity. Blue is much more soothing than red. For mediocrity, press the link below bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cwzjygusjn5xjsu47dtcp2tl/feed/aaacbkeptqwsw
1,307 posts 2,488 followers 1,157 following
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Posts 46 Comments 4

I got kicked out of planet fitness for making fart sounds when people bend over.

submitted 32 minutes ago • 3 comments

collateral hammage, is this anything?

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

I no longer wish to participate in this (gestures everywhere)

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Wanna play a game? I'll hide and you go fuck yourself.

submitted 4 days ago • 12 comments

My theory is that hair plugs can become sentient, and that's what's really running the US these days.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Long story short, never eat chocolate while changing a diaper.

submitted 56 minutes ago • 3 comments

Always be kind, you never know who might have air conditioning.

submitted 47 minutes ago • 3 comments

It was kinda nice

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

*Kicks last night's underwear out of pants leg* Hi, I'm here for my job interview.

submitted 1 day ago • 17 comments

THEM: your heart's in the right place ME: where the hell else would it be

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

Once I make 3 friends, it’s over for the rest of you average people

submitted 48 days ago • 3 comments

FACT: penguins 𝙘𝙖𝙣 fly, but always get frisked by airport security.

submitted 5 hours ago • 2 comments

Never thought I would find myself looking forward to paying someone to stick a needle into my spine but never say never I guess.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

My fridge has seen more of me at 3AM than most humans ever will.

submitted 10 hours ago • 2 comments

I do all my best work in the morning. (It’s very late at night in case you’re wondering).

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

Genuinely considering having cake for dinner tonight.

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

running around the wild west complaining I'm the rowdiest cowboy but hey why didn't anyone teach me to ride a horse

submitted 15 hours ago • 6 comments

you can’t hurt me, you’re not a spicy ramen noodle i sucked up my nose

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

Him: What do you look for in a partner? Her: Serious ink. Him: slowly opens an overcoat, revealing 19th-century fountain pens in perfect condition Her: [whispering] I think I love you

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

I’m out being wholesome instead of hoesome, and honestly I’m a little disappointed in myself

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

My coworker just asked if I could ‘circle back on this later.’ Bro, I’m not circling back. I’m not even circling forward. I’m parking this conversation in a ditch and setting it on fire.

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments

-I̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶a̶u̶l̶t̶- -W̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶t̶a̶k̶e̶s̶- -P̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶s̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶- Fuck you

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

Feeling butterflies in your stomach is not love, it’s called being hungry. Go make yourself a sandwich

submitted 157 days ago • 23 comments

I’m a facts are not optional kinda person

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

In my day you could trade a cyber handjob for 2 RTs and a favstar trophy

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

out of nowhere and without warning your favorite songs just start turning up on the classic rock station and it hits you like a ton of bricks, these fuckers finally got some good taste in music

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

Fig Newtons are a form of therapy. It's a process but I'll keep at it.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

(robot eating an apple like a titanium sphere) at least dogs make it seem like tennis balls want to spend more time with you

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I would call this the crunchwrap supreme court but that would be an insult to taco bell

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

The more I see clips of Shoresy on TikTok the more I think I have been missing out on an off the wall gem.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

congrats to everyone involved in changing Twitter from a social media app to an antisocial media app

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

a wife is never more passive aggressive than when she says FYI the dishes in the dishwasher are clean

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

my son is 18 now so it's time to have the talk. I think he's ready to learn about the importance of assembling a good cable and cord drawer.

submitted 137 days ago • 19 comments

When a big account nicks your post

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Other than complete organ shut down, I don't really have a five year plan.

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Who called it a hillbilly wedding and not a trailer hitch?

submitted 96 days ago • 3 comments

I'll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I've felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower.

submitted 7 days ago • 9 comments

Reality sucks, as the purity trolls are fast finding out.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

My best 5 days ever: 1. birth of my 1st child 2. birth of my 2nd child 3. first time I saw boobies 4. birth of my 3rd child (I love her just as much, but kinda got the t-shirt already y’know) 5. t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶d̶̶̶a̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶v̶̶̶e̶̶̶n̶̶̶t̶̶̶e̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶P̶̶̶̶̶o̶̶̶̶̶p̶̶̶̶̶-̶̶̶̶̶T̶̶̶̶̶a̶̶̶̶̶r̶̶̶̶̶t̶̶̶̶̶s̶̶̶̶̶®̶ my wedding day

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

The first rule of fight club is: you do not tell your mom that I let you watch fight club, kids

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

"How can you make jokes at a time like this?" It's pretty easy when the alternative is throwing myself off a building

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

THEM: how can you joke about Kristi Noem being hospitalized for having an allergic reaction ME: easily

submitted 1 day ago • 879 comments

I was never a super huge fan of Dairy Queen but I'd do some evil shit for a grape Mr. Misty right now. Or maybe just pay. I could do that instead.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

I heckle happy people.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Nice authoritarian government. Be a shame if more people hated you and your choices, and think you’re a sociopath, than think you’re wonderful. Oh wait…

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

*snuffs out a cigarette and exhales* here’s the thing, if I start posting moobs again, you’ll never put your phone down and you already spend too much time on it I don’t want that on my conscious

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments