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havishaf.bsky.social
I'm funny. I just don't show it because I'm humble. I'm also highly intelligent. And humble. Fuck genocide! 🇵🇸 La crème de la crème here 👉 https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xiql7unalmesci5sgalfj6on/feed/aaae4ledalxss
3,461 posts 6,773 followers 1,903 following
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Posts 41 Comments 9

Word Up Bitches 🤘

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

oh bsky's dying again, is it? bring back invite codes do over

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

i could be trusted with hundreds of thousands of followers i ain't finna complain yawl just get my nonsense

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Earwax STILL tastes bad. I do the science, so you don’t have to

submitted 2 hours ago • 5 comments

How did I JUST learn about LaBrea? Holy hell.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

on a cloudy, drizzly day in late 1980 a doctor handed me to my mother and said ‘good luck lady this one is gonna be weird’ and here I am today … being weird

submitted 15 hours ago • 3 comments

I found a bag of weed in my dad’s garage and I called the cops; not because it’s illegal, but because he’s buying street trash

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

In my own wise words -- I don't know, I don't care, whatever.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Another day of existing for what???

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

I dreamt I found a lost Sopranos episode where they go to Latvia to get in on a liquor racket, it was titled Riga Tony Alla Vodka

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

Furniture salesman: I'm sorry, I can't process a return for a couch in this condition, even if it did, as you say, "talk back to you", Mr Vance

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

Just slammed an energy drink and a glass of wine. My heart is like bitch, what do you want from me.

submitted 10 hours ago • 20 comments

I really am a sweetheart. If you’re mean to me I’ll be like, someone needs a hug and then give you a scratch and sniff sticker for your shirt.

submitted 9 hours ago • 6 comments

Got my dog some duck jerky and couldn’t help but think, I bet that’s what they call a happy ending at a duck massage parlor

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

Charlie Brown singing Twisted Sister: 🎶 I GOT A ROCK!

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

I dress for myself, which is why 80% of my outfits look like a laundry basket threw up on me.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

My body is a temple, and this temple has a 24/7 nacho fountain in the lobby. Come eat me.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

My fridge has seen more of me at 3AM than most humans ever will.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Tea? Yes please. Milk? Please. One lump or two? Huh? Yeah it’s out of date by two weeks.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Simba: more like Graffiki what a baboon

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

-I̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶a̶u̶l̶t̶- -W̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶t̶a̶k̶e̶s̶- -P̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶s̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶- Fuck you

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I'm at the pain emporium which is right next door to the crying showroom (the gym)

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

The guy at the next urinal laughed that I have the word "Tiny" tattooed on my penis. He stopped laughing when I got excited and he saw that it’s actually "Ticonderoga pencil company".

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i woke up in a cold sweat wait no its warm pee again

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

despite all my rage shitty fuckin minimum wage

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Worst thing about being married to a werewolf is wandering around in the dark with dog treats because he won't come back in after peeing at 3am.

submitted 402 days ago • 8 comments

*Walks into the gym at 9pm* (It's wall to wall gym bro douche canoes) Oh, riiiiiight. This is why I come in the morning. I remember now.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

According to my wife of 30 years, the secret to such a long and happy union is low expectations, apparently.

submitted 152 days ago • 27 comments

that’s one long mermaid

submitted 1 day ago • 14 comments

sometimes I make the mistake of speaking. and breathing. forget asking a question.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Trapper was a keeper

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Wedding planning is organized crime.

submitted 531 days ago • 3 comments

That’s enough, I shouted, as the bride’s vows went into a fourth bullet point.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

My best 5 days ever: 1. birth of my 1st child 2. birth of my 2nd child 3. first time I saw boobies 4. birth of my 3rd child (I love her just as much, but kinda got the t-shirt already y’know) 5. t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶d̶̶̶a̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶v̶̶̶e̶̶̶n̶̶̶t̶̶̶e̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶P̶̶̶̶̶o̶̶̶̶̶p̶̶̶̶̶-̶̶̶̶̶T̶̶̶̶̶a̶̶̶̶̶r̶̶̶̶̶t̶̶̶̶̶s̶̶̶̶̶®̶ my wedding day

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Who called it a hillbilly wedding and not a trailer hitch?

submitted 97 days ago • 3 comments

As a dad I believe it’s my duty to embarrass my kids every chance I get, whether it’s with bad dad dancing at family weddings, telling funny stories about them to their friends, or pointing to them as public proof that someone has had the sex with me at least 3 times.

submitted 381 days ago • 8 comments

This day in history. 2018. Koko the long-lived western lowland gorilla who understood English and used sign language died, her last words "Long-lived rhymes with arrived you blockheads."

submitted 366 days ago • 1 comment

I do all my best work in the morning. (It’s very late at night in case you’re wondering).

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

The more I see clips of Shoresy on TikTok the more I think I have been missing out on an off the wall gem.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Fig Newtons are a form of therapy. It's a process but I'll keep at it.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Men will confidently argue about female anatomy after failing 10th-grade biology. Dude, you can’t even find her clit without a laser pointer.

submitted 2 days ago • 14 comments