microlitigator.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Luke: Leia: Darth: This is stupid Luke: I told you I had a bad feeling about this Leia: Both of you shut up Family therapist: No, it’s okay, this is where the healing begins

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Defying gravity

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Quinoa locked in on groundhog on lawn. #caturday

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Here are the Top 5 Dogs of the week!

submitted 3 days ago • 132 comments

my kids: grandpa what kinds of toys did you have growing up? my dad: a potato

submitted 3 days ago • 53 comments

I'm sorry I called your outfit courageous

submitted 3 days ago • 7 comments

I bet zombies just want waffles. Not once have I ever seen anyone try & give them waffles. If a zombie apocalypse happens I'm making waffles

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

Found this on the fridge this morning....

submitted 7 days ago • 23 comments

“Everyone say cheese!” “Cheese!” “Cheese!” “Cheese!” “Cheese!” “Fuck you, Theresa.”

submitted 9 days ago • 35 comments

He's a 10, but he's a dog, so he's a 70.

submitted 12 days ago • 3 comments

May you all have a glorious day where your pants are unexpectedly looser, someone brings you a coffee, your email is full of amazing news, you have an incredible bunch of funny people who text you back and leave voice notes and you find a dollar deep in your pocket or purse.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

a comically large pizza wheel that i can carry on my back like an anime character could fix me

submitted 12 days ago • 18 comments

Update on planning with 21-year-old son

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

"there's a word for this in german," i say, fairly confident that foreigners also experience spilling their entire coffees on themselves.

submitted 27 days ago • 4 comments

Planning with 21-year-old son

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

bug cops just arrived to arrest me for bug murder. didn’t even know that was a thing. they showed up in a teeny little police car and everything. I’d guess it’s about the moth I got with a flyswatter last month, but I can’t really hear them. kind of obvious what to do here but I feel bad

submitted 18 days ago • 27 comments

I could use this kind of nap.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Bank's drive up ATM has a line. Wife: You could go inside to the teller. Me: I could. In an alternate dimension.

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

Another day of telling people that they have "hands of a fact-checker" simply to see the response it provokes.

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

have we tried hitting all the bad crap with a sword?

submitted 18 days ago • 4 comments

The first giraffe born at Greeneville Zoo is now expecting her own bundle of joy! Stretchy McLongneck is due to give birth in July. We will not be holding a naming competition.

submitted 19 days ago • 4 comments

Please be careful with your belongings. The otters invented a religion based on car keys that were dropped in their enclosure.

submitted 19 days ago • 14 comments

inventing a kitchen drawer that occasionally empties into an incinerator

submitted 18 days ago • 35 comments

She sometimes did drugs But she wasn't a junkie She crawled down the street Her gait slow and clunky Her head pounded like It was kicked by a donkey Her eyes were on fire Her stomach felt funky And then she saw it All grinning and spunky It was surely not real but

submitted 19 days ago • 11 comments

His kids disappoint him He's pissed off at life He screams at the news He yells at his wife He once punched a Girl Scout Who looked at him wrong He tripped an old woman For singing a song Just stay out of his way Or risk a black eye He's

submitted 19 days ago • 19 comments

One day you’re young and the next thing you know, a bird feeder has become 80% of your entertainment.

submitted 741 days ago • 11 comments

it was a girl and she put on pulp fiction

submitted 19 days ago • 2 comments

escape room with 20 five year olds inside and you can only spend $500 to negotiate your way out

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

What's the stupidest way you've hurt yourself? Oh I'm so glad you asked! I knocked myself out with a frozen bag of omelettes.

submitted 21 days ago • 738 comments

What’s the stupidest way you’ve hurt yourself? Oh I’m so glad you asked! At the beginning of the first Covid summer, I dropped a 200-lb ping pong table on my left foot.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

@uncleduke1969.bsky.social is a modern Ogden Nash.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

He’s walked under a ladder Told his wife to calm down Saw a face in the sewer And talked to the clown He once finished a meal And swam right away He once met Chuck Norris And pointed out the toupee He’s taken expired Advil And torn tags from a bed He’s

submitted 20 days ago • 9 comments

You wake up in the morning With gray clouds overhead And you struggle for the will To rise up out of bed The world outside is frightening A sad and dismal place You pray for inspiration A moment of pure grace Maybe there’s something out there To take away these blues Perhaps

submitted 21 days ago • 10 comments

Your team’s rework of my college campus - when it’s the day before finals and I haven’t attended any classes - has been on point.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

gentle reminder to drink some water today, folks

submitted 25 days ago • 6 comments

Dogs know.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

POLICE REPORT: Victim approached assailant in bed at approximately 0900 and said, “you’re welcome.” Assailant inquired what she should be thankful for. According to both parties, the victim reminded her that without him she would not be a mother. Assailant reached for the nearest

submitted 29 days ago • 1 comment

I drove to a craft beer store during a long work call & while checking out I was asked a question. I unmuted and said "sorry, had to pick something up from the pharmacy." Unprompted, the cashier said, "any questions about your prescription?" This is the society I want to live in.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

yoour post was so funny i went door to door showing it to my neighbors. one guy loved it so much he showed me his gun

submitted 25 days ago • 4 comments