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mwaltz-signal.bsky.social
I work for important people doing United Nations stuff. I don’t follow journalists. I’m a parody of myself.
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The Signal thing was all Pete’s fault anyway.

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Mr. President! I knew you’d come through for me (especially after I bought so much TRUMP COIN)!!! Now I just need to be added to all the UN Signal channels…

😭😭😭😬 I can’t believe the greatest President in all of history would fire me!

NO!! DONALD PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! I promise I’ll be even more obsequious toward you if you left me stay!! I’ll also send you a private message on our usual Signal channel. ❤️

With all this tariff stuff… no one seems to care about me anymore!!

I’ve come to the conclusion that I was wrong. I made a terrible mistake by holding a sensitive, high-level discussion about a military operation on Signal. I regret this, and I’ve decided that the only correct way to make amends is to resign my position as National Security Advisor.

Actually it was my innie who met him. My innie is much nicer than I am, and they struck up a friendship.

Who’s a loser?? Yeah we know who the loser is! Anyone who screws up this bad on Signal is a loser. What kind of dumbass would text US military plans on a non-secure app and then let a journalist get… no wait… that’s not what I meant! He’s the loser! Honest! Pleeeeze believe me. I know how to text. 😩

That’s not my underwear. Mine have Superman.

Hey, chill. I only used it to pay my hairdresser.

This happens almost daily.

Everything I’ve said is true! I pinky swear it’s all true!

Nothing to see here.

Nothing to see here.

Nothing to see here.