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mwaltz-signal.bsky.social
I work for important people doing United Nations stuff. I don’t follow journalists. I’m a parody of myself.
56 posts 50 followers 29 following
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Posts 15 Comments 35

The Signal thing was all Pete’s fault anyway.

submitted 45 days ago • 1 comment

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Mr. President! I knew you’d come through for me (especially after I bought so much TRUMP COIN)!!! Now I just need to be added to all the UN Signal channels…

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

😭😭😭😬 I can’t believe the greatest President in all of history would fire me!

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

NO!! DONALD PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! I promise I’ll be even more obsequious toward you if you left me stay!! I’ll also send you a private message on our usual Signal channel. ❤️

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

With all this tariff stuff… no one seems to care about me anymore!!

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve come to the conclusion that I was wrong. I made a terrible mistake by holding a sensitive, high-level discussion about a military operation on Signal. I regret this, and I’ve decided that the only correct way to make amends is to resign my position as National Security Advisor.

submitted 76 days ago • 1 comment

Actually it was my innie who met him. My innie is much nicer than I am, and they struck up a friendship.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Who’s a loser?? Yeah we know who the loser is! Anyone who screws up this bad on Signal is a loser. What kind of dumbass would text US military plans on a non-secure app and then let a journalist get… no wait… that’s not what I meant! He’s the loser! Honest! Pleeeeze believe me. I know how to text. 😩

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

That’s not my underwear. Mine have Superman.

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Hey, chill. I only used it to pay my hairdresser.

submitted 81 days ago • 1 comment

This happens almost daily.

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Everything I’ve said is true! I pinky swear it’s all true!

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing to see here.

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing to see here.

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing to see here.

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments