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neiltypewriter.bsky.social
1,307 posts 1,236 followers 824 following
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Posts 24 Comments 26

i just took ai's job

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

i am the friend that’s too woke btw :3

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

Pretty sure my obituary is going to read “sneezed while driving”

submitted 4 hours ago • 2 comments

So my experience on the MakroMusic Dating app has been as follows: - A bot telling me about songs that don't exist - A sex worker politely offering their services - A person trying very hard to emotionally bond with me only to then ask me to move the chat to some app to talk about a crypto coin

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

a spay and neuter company called Houdineez Nutz

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

MEAT RUNE

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

I'll be your gun holster, partner.

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

Four out of five dentists told me I had a pretty mouth. The fifth one said it with their eyes.

submitted 10 hours ago • 2 comments

Just caught a wiff of my own coffee breath and it's not completely impossible that someone didn't p00p in my mouth when I wasn't looking wtf

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

In tears watching the finale of Handmaids Tale when June finally gets all the Infinity Stones and punches Darth Vader in the diqq now on Disney Plus.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Pretty sure I just talked to an AI bot on a dating app. Good thing there's Plan B: Dying Alone.

submitted 20 hours ago • 2 comments

Oh what is love but a bout of indigestion and a pinch of vertigo?

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

Everybody is so focused on pineapple on pizza meanwhile olives over here committing war crimes on pizza

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Me: Yeah, I just don't consume anything with food dyes. Also Me: Cherry Coke Zero is my Slurm!

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Eating fettuccini alfredo with both hands, like the prophecy hath foretold.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

*in the bedroom Me: Just gimme a minute, babe, I’ll be right back. *goes to washroom and frantically googles, “how to use a vanjiner.”

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

you just know that eating ass will be millenial's "we drank from the hose"

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

you think your life is hard? I'm an american trying to keep up with dr who

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Skeet the rainbow.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

My afternoon meds are only my afternoon meds because I am taking them in the afternoon and choking them down with a beer.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. And also log off. No one wants to hear about that shit.

submitted 2 days ago • 12 comments

I'm hoping whoever murders me turns out to be a real sweetheart.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

I actually got a black eye from my kid once and you see where I ended up. Not Mars.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Most physical material in the universe can't understand jokes, and that's no laughing matter

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment