Profile avatar
octopuscaveman.bsky.social
Painter
2,099 posts 10,704 followers 972 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
Posts 23 Comments 27

Whoever named green beans: Keep your lazy ass out of the naming business from now on, OK?

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Ah yes the 2 genders

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

Breaking: 2 ICE agents have been spotted eating a hot dog together “Lady and the Tramp style” near the dumpsters behind the Ross dress for less in Huntington Beach CA

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

The crossover we needed

submitted 17 hours ago • 2 comments

It’s funny that Dave Mustaine claims he wrote all of Metallica’s biggest songs when I like a lot of Metallica songs but don’t care for a single Megadeth song.

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

this is what you see when you die

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

A few years ago my mom called me to tell me she was helping promote my music career and she had played my whole album at a dog’s funeral and everyone seemed to enjoy it. That’s the mix of unhinged and supportive that you can expect from me and my family.

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

Cower while basking in the soft glow, mortal enemies! 🤣

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

give one of these to an ex & finally get back a tiny fraction of the energy you spent on the relationship

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Level 1000 petty! 🤣 💞

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

You’re only as old as the sounds you make when you get out of the car

submitted 4 days ago • 52 comments

I want these but for my enemies so they know I’m still holding a grudge.

submitted 2 days ago • 62 comments

i always keep an excel spreadsheet close by in case kelly rowland tries to text me

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

Heavens Gate is easily my favorite cult because they didn’t hurt anyone, it didn’t become a creepy sex thing. They just built the internet and then peaced out

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Donald Trump looks like a guy who has never eaten pho

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

If there was a movie about my life it would end with me walking right into the Olive Garden and telling the manager it wasn’t me that clogged the toilet and I don’t deserve to have a lifetime ban and the theme to Officer and a Gentleman would play as I triumphantly carried out a bag of breadsticks

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Which Goonie would win if they all fought?

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

(seal team 6 cranking up shania twain) let's go girls

submitted 2 days ago • 11 comments

If you say “galdernit” in the bathroom mirror three times my grandpappy shows up and spits a mouthful of Copenhagen into the terlet

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Travis Tritt looks like an overzealous mortician did Ted Cruz’s makeup

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

I wish Google had memories like Facebook where it would say on this day 6 years ago you googled “is Bruno mars gay” and “how to stop diarrhea”

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Breaking: 2 ICE agents spotted jacking off together near the dumpsters behind the Ross Dress For Less in Huntington Beach CA

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

this is true chaotic good

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments