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pattonoswalt.bsky.social
Writing and yelling.
543 posts 655,291 followers 527 following
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Posts 49 Comments 1

a nation on edge holds its breath as the former host of celebrity apprentice huddles with his advisors, the wrestlemania ceo and the former co-host of fox & friends weekends

submitted 10 hours ago • 416 comments

LOW TICKET ALERT! An all-new Patton Oswalt & Friends this Sunday, June 22nd at Largo at the Coronet! I’ve got a lot to rant about.

submitted 13 hours ago • 7 comments

💯💯💯💯💯💯

submitted 13 hours ago • 152 comments

This is the last thing the BBC needs

submitted 1 day ago • 163 comments

NEW YORK! I'm bringing my 10th hour of brand-new material, BLACK COFFEE AND ICE WATER, to Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre on July 11th & 12th. Grab your tickets here: pattonoswalt.com/tour/

submitted 1 day ago • 62 comments

I have been shown a cosmic truth at the Del Prado, CA Mobil station and I invite all of you to follow me on this path.

submitted 1 day ago • 53 comments

See you in NYC July 11th & 12th! Get tickets here: pattonoswalt.com/tour/

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

“Just”?

submitted 1 day ago • 20 comments

The world may be terrible, but remember there are cute baby animal stamps at the post office right now

submitted 1 day ago • 79 comments

Bloody hell, @pattonoswalt.bsky.social , thoroughly enjoying listening to you read Silver Screen Fiend - I’m identifying strongly with much of it! Tell me you’ve seen ‘Capt. Kronos’ since - it’s my favourite Hammer, and you can’t deny yourself its Janson/Munro sumptuousness.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Oh, you're doomscrolling current events? That's baby shit. I'm doomscrolling the events of 536. A volcano just erupted in Iceland. Snow just fell during the summer in China. Crops are failing. All of the crops are failing.

submitted 4 days ago • 117 comments

Uh…yeah. “Fox in the Fedora.” That guy does an EERILY perfect imitation of me. Which is weird ‘cuz it’s totally not me. A guy doing an impersonation. Yes.

submitted 4 days ago • 32 comments

We need a full cabinet removal. We need Gavin to bring in California Closets to redo the whole thing.

submitted 4 days ago • 35 comments

comicbook.com/comics/news/...

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

submitted 5 days ago • 79 comments

Holy shit Chuck Schumer just went OFF about Noem’s actions: “Are the Democrats weak & behind the times? Does Macy’s tell from Gimbels? I’ve written a terse letter and as soon as we mimeograph a million copies everyone’s gonna wake up tomorrow and find one rolled up in their milk delivery!”

submitted 5 days ago • 134 comments

Forgot to tag @thelaurenelyse.bsky.social on this one.

submitted 5 days ago • 27 comments

Bad week for troubled geniuses.

submitted 6 days ago • 54 comments

Straight from a Chaplin film from 1918.

submitted 6 days ago • 101 comments

submitted 17 days ago • 140 comments

When it’s time to throw in the towel.

submitted 6 days ago • 88 comments

unlike Vietnam or Afghanistan at least the Marines coming to.L.A. know exactly what this fight is all about

submitted 7 days ago • 588 comments

Back in 1992 I got James Ellroy to sign my copy of WHITE JAZZ and his inscription — “Fear the comedy of the patriarchy on the skids!” — is exactly what we’re experiencing right now. Frightened wanna-be alphas who are lashing out for the lulz.

submitted 7 days ago • 26 comments

Everything that’s happened over the past six months has been a response to an imaginary crisis. There is no immigrant invasion. No trade crisis. No scientific or governance crisis. Just people completely high off their own supply trying to fundamentally reorder society. None of this had to happen.

submitted 9 days ago • 898 comments

RIP Mara Corday. She’s in heaven now, pouring way too much sugar into a large, black to-go coffee.

submitted 8 days ago • 13 comments

I’m coming to Indiana! See you Friday, October 10th at Horseshoe Hammond Casino in Hammond, Indiana! Tickets are on sale this Friday, June 13th at 10:00am CST. Grab your tickets at the link in bio!

submitted 8 days ago • 17 comments

I mean, the “right side” of this one is so easy.

submitted 9 days ago • 87 comments

There’s a Twitter account that just posts screenshots from BlueSky for them to yell at. Drama-addicted Complain Queens, all of ‘em.

submitted 9 days ago • 60 comments

Came to the edge of my building and saw the heart of Los Angeles march by. 💚❤💙💜💛 This right here is what makes my city great. Don't let the dictator or his cronies tell you different. #LosAngeles #NoKings #LittleTokyo #ArtsDistrict

submitted 9 days ago • 69 comments

submitted 9 days ago • 612 comments

Yesterday on Larchmont: weird dude all in yellow, and then his starfruit avatar on the side of a produce truck.

submitted 10 days ago • 45 comments

At the ICE raid and subsequent community resistance in Paramount, California this morning, this skater kid ate dozens of munitions from Border Patrol agents, walked away slowly and flipped them off.

submitted 10 days ago • 1158 comments

good GOOD (this whole thread is stunning)

submitted 10 days ago • 112 comments

ha ha fuck you TODD

submitted 10 days ago • 328 comments

The second issue of our first ever crossover has been solicited! @archiecomics.bsky.social Vs Minor Threats #2 is on sale 9.17.25! YOU are not ready for the Redport Battle of The Bands!… but Barfly, Jughead AND Josie & The Pussycats certainly are! @darkhorse.com @pattonoswalt.bsky.social

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Which one’s Joan and which one’s Bette?

submitted 12 days ago • 139 comments

Tent your fingers, Elon. TENT YOUR FINGERS.

submitted 12 days ago • 141 comments

Well said.

submitted 13 days ago • 49 comments

Not the same. NOT THE SAME

submitted 13 days ago • 38 comments

SOMEBODY BRING THESE BACK PLEASE

submitted 13 days ago • 372 comments

Someone should make a movie where a 1994 Geo Metro becomes a serial killer and use this hype video as the trailer.

submitted 13 days ago • 134 comments

they will have to Zamboni the shit off his grave

submitted 15 days ago • 82 comments

Today in L.A. felt SO FUCKING WEIRD. Weird weather, the sky was never the right color, the air felt like it’d been pumped in from a different dimension. Thunder but no lightning. 4pm felt like 9pm and sunset felt like dawn. An ominous day — felt like we’d all been lured into it.

submitted 14 days ago • 167 comments

Yep, that should do it.

submitted 14 days ago • 146 comments

In South Park, San Diego, US citizens stigmergically rose up against Trump’s Gestapo. The revolt erupted midday when ICE began rounding up people at a restaurant; patrons and passersby alike dropped everything to confront the regime storm troopers. #3E #EndImpunity #StopICE

submitted 14 days ago • 188 comments

The XXX-plorers must stop an anti-sex despot from ruining the universe--by taking him to the salad bar at Whole Foods? Secure your copy of MONEY SHOT BIG BANG #2! Cover art by @garthft.bsky.social #MoneyShotBigBang #VaultComics @hackintimseeley.bsky.social @pattonoswalt.bsky.social

submitted 15 days ago • 3 comments

Now they’re using tear gas & stun grenades on the crowds that witness their cowardly “raids.” They’re shit-scared. This is gonna lead to bystander deaths. Look at these zilches in their Judge Dredd cosplay. This is the happiest moment of their miserable, forgettable lives.

submitted 16 days ago • 135 comments

“What’s our target?” “Several dishwashers and a prep cook.” “Damn. We’re gonna need body armor, night vision scopes and stun grenades for this one.” “…wait…” “IF IT BLEEDS WE CAN KILL IT.”

submitted 17 days ago • 117 comments