postsfromthefuture.bsky.social
Officials provide no comment on how these got here.
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Officials advise against attempting to don Thor's Helmet.
Unless, of course, they are worthy.
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After several decades, SNAP recipients still awaiting order to eat perfectly balanced food.
Several recipients note:
"I'm sore, I'm tired, and really really hungry."
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Citizens with arachnophobia advised to steer clear of Spider Nebula.
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Cup o' Cappuccino galaxy confirmed.
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Recommendation:
All Citizens avoid contact with Snapdragons. Side effects of contact include eternal damnation and an upset stomach.
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Officials recommend all Citizens avoid travelling near the "Black hole jet". Several casualties have already been reported.
Military studies ongoing on how to best weaponize this anomaly. Suggest so far including luring the enemy towards it through promises of snacks.
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Former country spotted inside storm on Saturn.
Rescue efforts still ongoing.
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Officials denounce comments on being referred to as a "bullshit machine".
Scientists confirm that they are so much more than just machines.
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"Half-tree, half-person" dedicated in resident's living room.
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New trend discovered!
Walking on the stars.
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Officials advise caution when travelling in and around the Flame Nebula. Fire crews are on scene, but attempts to keep the blaze under control have been less than successful.
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Confirmation:
Universe having identity crisis. Officials recommend avoiding contact until the Universe figures itself out.
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Congratulations! It's a ████
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Confirmation: Possible fresh water source detected in new solar system.
Nestle CEO issues statement: "you better believe we'll be there."
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Officials confirm Hallmark movie with a new plot set to come out "sometime in the next several decades. Maybe next century. We'll see. Don't hold your breath."
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Scientists issued statement recommending not staring in to the Cat's Eye for prolonged periods of time.
Unreported claims of the Cat's Eye staring back are cause for concern.
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Officials welcome our "Space News" overlords.
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Officials insist that while Io may have the appearance it is still NOT CHEESE and to cease attempts at consuming it.
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Scientist Officials confirm:
It's pretty gosh-darn big.
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Officials advise against travelling to the following years:
2020-2021
2024-2025
Officials warn anyone travelling to the above years may have the following symptoms:
Nausea
Paranoia
Regret
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Engines on Enceladus believed to once again be active.
Attempts to escape will not be tolerated. Apprehension team enroute to return Enceladus to it's proper orbit. More at 11.
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Officials name January 19, 2025 "Day of Armageddon Avoidance". Asteroid confirmed destroyed by famous actors trained to be oil drillers trained to be astronauts.
Confirmed Casualties: 1
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Confirmation:
It's all still here.
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Officials advise against exploration in to Eldritch knowledge. May result in loss of sanity, visual impairment by way of possession, and being able to communicate in a long dead forbidden language.
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Receipt confirmed:
1 Space picture of ████
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Officials issue follow-up statement:
"Delicious."
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Officials confirm that while it may seem confusing, it is important to note we are, indeed, not ChatGPT.
Moreover, a comprehensive delve may be required.
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Officials confirm that life on other planets is █████████
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Officials recommend avoiding direct eye-contact with this anomaly. Failure to do so may result in ȩ̷̜͍͘l̵͔͇̜̓̃̈ͅd̵̨̻͆̈́r̵̝̭̯̍̾̆i̷̪̼͒̆̔t̴͚̻̗̘̋c̴̝̠̈́̚͜ĥ̵͖͉̕ ̸̙̪̣͝h̷̦̾ā̸̡̢͇̀̅ẑ̴̩̞͇̜̓͛́à̵͍͙̬̯r̸̠͈̈́̋̐̚d̶̤̂̓͂š̵ͅ ̶̡̙͎̱͗b̷͕͌ē̷̛̠ý̸̩̦̾̋o̵͍̱̝͇̔̈n̶̛͔̩̊͌́d̷͎̬͇̯̊̒̒ ̷̫͈͉̭̾̈̏o̸̫̍ų̸̤̋̀̿r̷͈̜̒̀͗̍ ̷̩͕̮̓́̀̓c̶̘̱̝̍͘͝o̵̺̦͒̅̉͝m̵̺͙̔p̶̺̐́̊r̴̯̈́̑̊̚e̵̥̜̯͌̈̚h̴̠͓͘͜ȇ̴̳n̸̛͎̎̈̃s̴̞̖̀ỉ̵͙͝ȯ̸̘̳̜̈͌n̵̘̾̆̈͠
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Andromeda galaxy confirmed freed after being held captive by the Hubble Space Telescope for several decades.
Andromedins celebrate by building another, much larger telescope.
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The future accepts your apology.