redhellian.bsky.social
Ace they/them. #1 Ea-nasir hater. I should
probably put more in this but
517 posts
287 followers
414 following
Active Commenter
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Oh yeah there was that one Lana del Ray song “summertime penis”
🎶I got that summertime, summertime penis🎶
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Whatever it takes to assuage your guilty conscience
But frankly fuck you and everything about you
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There’s always a teeny tiny asterisk on those, “unless it inconveniences me in any small way”
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The children-grinding industry will grow until profits improve
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Me, waiting patiently for the dick show
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The fighters yearn for the sea
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We are ALL ONE (and on fire)
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Stancil is the Designated Dumbass
He’s not particularly special but the position must nevertheless be filled
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*shuffles stiffly away*
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>cast penis explosion
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The neighbors heard, they may have clapped a little
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Better put on a pot of coffee, Marge. This could take a while.
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Setting up a gravity bong in my kitchen sink in high school was a formative experience
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Babe, how well do you handle injections, just hypothetically
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My guy it’s 11:17 💅🏿
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They’ve hit Peter Molyneaux levels of weird
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The workers yearn for the comfort of their pillows and bedsheets.
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“Trust me - after a couple years we’ll have made everything back and Brayden can go to an Ivy instead of a farm school.”
“Goddamnit Lindsay I told you - there’s no way this can fail. Look, it’s easy - they’re these things called NFTs, non fungicide tokens or whatever, -“
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Happy Birthday, Katie!!
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Perfect rice every time without having to do anything other than put rice and water in it
It sings to you when it’s done
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Babe you can eat me a little
As a treat
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Mr Mind Horse you have to stop. You smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Your bitch is too bad. They’ll kill you
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Shut the fuck up
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I think it always runs into the brick wall of “how do I ensure my enforcers do not simply toss me into the sea and take over” and the answer is: “you can’t and they probably will”
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I have rarely run across a more tedious person in my whole life
Congrats I guess?
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youtu.be/dNRoxWRWfaE?...
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I’m glad we’re going to boil our planet for this shit
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Shit, I coulda told you that, could have saved you some time
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Lmao little bro didn’t know that good furry artists make bank
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No way they’re rated IP-bottom-of-the-Hudson
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Predictably, this results in meals that are strange in the best case. In the worst case, some individuals are served inedible items. Several people have reported being served a small pile of rocks.
The company busts and is sold off to private equity, where it’s gutted and pieced out.
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A month later they will announce that they are going all-in on AI: the offering will no longer be for a specific item, instead they claim that their AI algorithm will mine each individual’s past purchases and create an ideal meal.
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The meal will cost $500 but secondhand markets will see prices creep closer to $1100.
In two week’s time they will announce a newer version that is $100 more expensive but tastes marginally worse.
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This is about as close to the platonic ideal of “dudes rock” as you’re gonna get, I expect
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SWAT Kats but they’re pizza delivery guys instead of waste disposal
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Listen to your constituents who are yelling at you? Nah
Listen to the two racists you made up in your head? Let’s fuckin’ go
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Where else will I find people to call for a good time?
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Manifesting more of this 😍
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Meemaw got into the ambien again
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Lmao dude they changed from the Bellamy salute in the 40s BECAUSE of the nazi salute
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Put on some fuckin pants
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How do you even tie your shoes with that baby brained interpretation of the world? Or do you just use Velcro?
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It’s HOT and READY
I can’t say that about myself most days
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I eat too much (mayonnaise)
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Ngl that sounds like it would be a lot of fun
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It’s well-known that Lincoln cowed the secessionists and ended slavery with snarky little signs that he held up during events.
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Damnit my fuck robot’s titties fell off again, why did they choose glue
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Guests get the cleaning bleach for their mixed drinks
Only VIPs get the top shelf stuff