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spidey004.bsky.social
Am I strong? Listen, bud. I have radioactive blood. So, no. I’m quite weak and sick. (I’m a he/him but all pronouns are awesome!)
18,896 posts 348 followers 207 following
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Posts 18 Comments 32

I make a lot of jokes on here but one thing I take very seriously is fashion.

submitted 95 days ago • 1 comment

A guy just came up to me. Big guy, strong guy. Gamma-irradiated tears rolling down his emerald green face. And he said, “HULK NOT WANT TO BE INCLUDED IN PUNY BALD IDIOT’S FAKE ANECDOTES. LEAVE HULK OUT OR HULK WILL SMASH PUNY BALD IDIOT.” He was just kidding around, of cour

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

These days, it’s more important than ever to practice self-care. It’s OK to let the anxiety, the tension, the fear dissipate for a while. Then, when you achieve a state approaching serenity, remember I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER AND WILL EXACT BLOODY RETRIBUTION FOR THAT THING. Namaste. 🙏🏻

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I’ll never forget when I made my first million. It was 175 years after my death (and a clerical error).

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

@michaelmay.bsky.social @bmuffin1980.bsky.social I like this news. I think I’d like it a lot more if Villeneuve wasn’t just about to START SHOOTING Dune 3, meaning we won’t get the next Bond movie until… 2027? 2028? Sigh. Howsabout you two?

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

It must be a little warmer than usual out there. I literally just stepped outside for five seconds to wave at a squirrel. 👋 🐿️ 🥵

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

When people mishear the title of my book and think it’s “Profile in Courage,” I don’t correct them.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

This resonates with me. If I was allowed to speak freely, I’d probably say, “Why are there so many eggshells all over the floor?”

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

That’s nice, Doc Ock. But @michaelmay.bsky.social, @paxholley.com, David May, and I just created entire universes on the latest episode of @afterlunch.bsky.social. Soooo… maybe calm down a little bit.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I used to run with a pretty tough gang when I was younger.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

@heatherantos.bsky.social Two excellent in-joke references in Star Trek: Omega. The second of which was a wonderfully ticking joy bomb set to go off when you announced the upcoming Star Trek book, THE LAST STARSHIP. Well done, Madam President. 🫡 🖖

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

I know some people have an aversion to the taste and texture of tongue depressors / popsicle sticks. Not me; I only endure popsicles and ice cream bars so I can get to that dry, rough, woody center. 😋

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

Happy 50th to JAWS!

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I was going to say that I had a stupid, exasperating, boring, and pointless meeting. But I realized I could convey the same information and save a lot of time by just saying, “I had a meeting.”

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Ugh. I thought I let her down gently but Sydney Sweeney dedicated the song “Look Away” to me on Delilah’s radio show. 🙄

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Be sure to check out my new show: “Buy a House And Slowly Fill It With Your Junk Over Decades, Reach The Breaking Point, And Finally Begin To Slowly Donate Your Junk To Goodwill To Make Way For New Junk” Tuesday nights at 8:00 pm on HGTV!

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments