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tchotch.bsky.social
Chicago my brand is I'm a person and here's all of that, uncurated. Ask about my typos! if you try to ketchup shame me I will fucken block you
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My mom has a Siamese cat named Ptah. It's like the word path but the a and t are switched, or it's like the word Utah except that instead of the U there's a P, or it's like the first four letters of the word hatpin spelled backwards

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

The extra R in hemorrhoids is to make sure you pronounce it with a unnecessarily long rolling R

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

The main theme of the Lord of the Rings is that evil must be actively fought or else it will prevail

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

"money can't buy happiness" that's cool i'm not trying to buy happiness i'm trying to buy groceries without having a panic attack

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

you know a diner is good when it's open 24/7 and it looks like where parents would meet during a custody battle

submitted 1 day ago • 35 comments

This post brought To you by ANUSOL™

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

A little kid on the train is imitating the doors closing sound 🥹

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

A bed is a shelf for storing people when they are not in use

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

As an empath I eat your feelings

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Have you tried skeeting about it?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Sorry to tell you but Grunge was always a type of country music

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i have just become aware that it is 3am

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I kind of miss the days when every single time Elizabeth Warren posted on Twitter a hundred people posted snake emojis

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Me, an efficiency genius: What if we relocated SpaceX HQ to Iran?

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

This article systematically explains what happened. You'll note that the "volunteer peacekeepers" who were hired for their military or police "de-escalation" experience, coordinated a lie in order to protect one of their own and frame one of the victims

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I'm sorry that I am always such a bummer but it is my duty to inform you that Harrison Ford is probably not going to be alive for very much longer

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Kristi Noem was hospitalized but is ok? Oh no!

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Arranging for my tombstone to provide suggestions of similar humans you might like

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

My brother just said "I need to calm down" and then immediately ordered a quad shot latte

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

You snooze, you LOSE? Literally all of my problems stem from consciousness.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I actually say this all the time

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I'm having myself put into a garlic bread induced coma for a couple of days

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

If I was Peter Frampton, every time I made love I'd chuck them in the shoulder and say "you got Frampted"

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

TIL Philip K Dick's father outlived him

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

People who need ski masks for their jobs: Bank robbers Highway men Skiers

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

They do not actually

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Crambledegg

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

This account is going to be even more psychologically unhealthy than my last one

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Oh look, another line has been crossed

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Seized up now, been sitting too long. A coffee I think, and some slow movement. Is that why the Tai chi people move so slowly? All got crippling office jobs.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

man who invents a time machine specifically to go back to 1979 and give hinckley marksmanship training

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Guns are super stupid. What happened here (it was hard to learn what happened because of lies about the incident), was that a 2nd amendment activist was walking around with a gun not pointed at anyone, and volunteer security shot at him without concern for the people behind him, killing one

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

ADHD executive functioning is like having a CEO in your head (get nothing done, cause problems, upset all the time) neurotypical executive functioning is like having an idealized pretend CEO that doesn't actually exist in reality in your head (efficient organizing, effective tasking, calm & stable)

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

Feeling extremely smug that I bought an ice cream maker when all my friends bought instant pots

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

90% of bumper stickers could be replaced with a plain black and white one that says I AM STUPID

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

I don't want to be on my phone right now but a cramp has locked it into my hand and my eyes have dried open

submitted 4 days ago • 7 comments

youtu.be/t86ZjhGxwAY?...

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

For years my best friend was a severe alcoholic, a skill he learned from his dad, (happy Father's Day!), and this guy was the absolute best at puking out of a car door real quick while driving. I'm telling you, you just couldn't do it better than this guy did. You just haven't put in the hours

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments