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teejit.bsky.social
PDX Cat dad Cishet asshat Writer and editor Just tryin my dang best https://www.instagram.com/tjcgoofs?igsh=ZXdvMHZsbjFwd3E3
521 posts 1,323 followers 46 following
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Posts 41 Comments 9

Just spent way too much time figuring out the perfect song to play while I scoop the cat litter

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Why is my algorithm going so hard on apple cider vinegar?

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Why do I feel the urge to throw my phone into the river every time I walk across a bridge

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

People with hyphenated first names are cheating. Now sure at what exactly, or for what advantage, but they’re cheating.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

I just used 5 separate machines on my head/face. We live in future times.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

It was dark, and I was in bed trying to sleep, but my cat still wanted to play. I told him, “read the room,” but it had little effect

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Cheddar cheese and salmon. Someone take me to jail.

submitted 40 days ago • 1 comment

I’d rather be hungo’er than hungover ✨ poetry ✨

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Anyone else think of Seattle as the Pokémon evolution of Portland?

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Crying is like barfing for your feelings

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Communion wine? How bout Bud Light?! Drink up brother 😎 🤙

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

HE’LL COME INTO YOUR TOWN HE’LL THE WEAR THE PAPAL CROWN HE’S AN AMERICAN POPE ✝️ 🔥 🎸 🎸 🎸 🔥 ✝️

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Don’t know if I could write a book, but I could probably write a dust jacket

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Thunderbolts is definitely a back door Veep movie

submitted 59 days ago • 1 comment

How has Slim Jim not released a gourmet offering called Slim James

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

IT HAPPENED. EVERYONE I PRESENT BABETTE

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Someday I would like someone to test me on how many 30 Rock jokes I can remember. I bet it is in the triple digits.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

🎵 Chardonnay and chicken nuggets because fuck it 🎶

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

Whoever developed the “read” feature of text messaging gets off on human misery

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

Was typing “yeah” into a Google doc and the autocorrect thrust “Yahweh” upon me. Proof that autocorrect is monotheistic and also I’m bad at typing.

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

Lotta hot moms at OMSI. More like MOMSI, am I right

submitted 79 days ago • 1 comment

Just found out it’s “pepperoncini” and not “peppercini.” I’ve embarrassed myself at Subway countless times

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

MILFtoast. Is that anything

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Ate a pepperoni stick from a gas station because, and I cannot emphasize this enough, fuck it

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Listening to the Sleigh Bells Radio on my music streaming service, and every song is just hitting

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

I know there’s already a good spread of kitty emojis, but imma need a kitty version of every emoji please and thank you

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments

“Return to form” is a funny way to say something has been suckin for a while

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments

Scratch is a pretty good slang term for money. Now how do I spend all these scratches from my cats

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

Minnie Driver fukkin rules

submitted 98 days ago • 0 comments

How dare they let Danny Elfman do the music for Good Will Hunting

submitted 98 days ago • 1 comment

I get frustrated in movies when they shoot at the thing with machine guns even though the thing is very obviously unbothered by bullets

submitted 98 days ago • 0 comments

Trader Joe’s mozzarella sticks—MVP after a night out

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

When folding clothes, I like to pretend the folded clothes piles are skyscrapers and I’m creating a mini city skyline

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

Need a 10-hour supercut of Helly R. walking places with purpose

submitted 102 days ago • 0 comments

Someday I hope to understand how points are awarded in pinball

submitted 102 days ago • 1 comment

This is gonna sound made up but this morning my dentist looked in my mouth and said “thank you for this.” Dental hygiene game on lock 🔒

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

Anyone else still attempt to write your real signature on those digital signature dealies? I have to believe it’ll look normal one of these times

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

I’m wearing green today but you can still pinch me

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

Was all set to be productive as hell today, but the breakfast burrito I made for myself was too delicious and filling so I took a nap

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

Lunch is slept on

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

Came way too close to buying a Morris plushie from Shang-Chi and the Legend of the 10 Rings

submitted 108 days ago • 0 comments