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themilkwitch.bsky.social
Whimsy. Ice cream. Avi by @fairyirl.bsky.social Search link: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:23fxxtlnt6ucvjb5rhbkpi6o/feed/aaalmevks3sty
722 posts 6,876 followers 510 following
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Posts 45 Comments 3

Never realized how often I let my dog sniff items I’m holding just because I want him to feel included.

submitted 48 days ago • 32 comments

"Where's the pope?" He's under the sauce

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Tetris taught me that trying to fit in will make you disappear.

submitted 56 days ago • 6 comments

god gave me allergies bc he knew i’d be too powerful if i could breathe

submitted 58 days ago • 13 comments

[facilitating an icebreaker] so everyone let's go around and say your name and how you think you'll die. I can start

submitted 58 days ago • 78 comments

as soon as i loosen this belt it's over for you britches

submitted 59 days ago • 2 comments

[all four The Voice judges noticing you in the audience] BRING US THAT ONE

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

The horrors persist, but so do new, as yet unimagined horrors

submitted 61 days ago • 5 comments

they should just pick one of the St. Louis cardinals

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

There’s nothing in the rule book that says a dog can’t be pope

submitted 61 days ago • 2 comments

Saw white smoke at the Rice Krispies factory. They must have chosen a new Pop.

submitted 60 days ago • 10 comments

[on a date] her: are you on bsky me: 😁 her: are your posts any good me: 😔

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

I think if Earth were smart it'd speed up a bunch and make us all fly off

submitted 104 days ago • 26 comments

you can give your bologna any first name you want, mine's is craig

submitted 95 days ago • 16 comments

fire departments hate house warming parties

submitted 95 days ago • 1 comment

why's it called a bbq competition and not a meat up

submitted 60 days ago • 7 comments

I'm not cheap and obsolete, I'm antique and expensive

submitted 60 days ago • 3 comments

kate bush running past sisyphus

submitted 181 days ago • 67 comments

Me: [putting my best foot forward] My other foot: WOW. Just wow. I mean that guy? Unbelievable

submitted 60 days ago • 3 comments

I got my peg leg stuck in the claw machine again and I’ll just get a new one.

submitted 65 days ago • 5 comments

Looking for a good Schrödinger’s Caturday Service this weekend.

submitted 65 days ago • 3 comments

Give him the Trix, you monsters.

submitted 62 days ago • 3 comments

I found so many eggs please let me back in the house it’s dark

submitted 62 days ago • 2 comments

I TRUSTED YOU. YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT US. DID YOU— YOU NEVER EVEN LOVED ME DID YOU is something my neighbor Darin just heard me yelling at the television

submitted 62 days ago • 1 comment

Doing a whole parade float as a promposal to my favorite chatgpt voice

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

🔵 ┗┓ 　┗┓　 ヾ○ｼ 　　┗┓ ヘ/ 　 　 　 ┗┓ ノ 　 　 　 　┗ ○ く|)へ 🔴 〉 ￣￣ Now you're thinking with portals

submitted 62 days ago • 1 comment

I'm so far along in this relationship that I'm on lithium diisopropylamide, which I think in chemistry means I'm on a strong base.

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

Computers are great because they always listen PROGRAM IS UNRESPONSIVE

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

I'd be ok w being verified, but only if I don't have to ask. trying is so embarrassing.

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

TV shows in a donkey monarchy get interrupted by Bray King News

submitted 61 days ago • 2 comments

still hoping Dr Gregory House will pop up with proof the Pope was poisoned

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

it's too bad the Pope didn't live long enough to get his bsky blue check

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

a show about an evil donkey monarch, Bray King Bad

submitted 61 days ago • 1 comment

Me: i'll have the eggs Cumberbatch please Server: *winks* it's Benedict btw Me: *winks* i'll have the the eggs Cumberbatch please Benedict

submitted 68 days ago • 5 comments

date: tbh i'm looking for no strings attached pinocchio: *sighs* i see

submitted 68 days ago • 4 comments

imagine if spiders could breakdance

submitted 66 days ago • 29 comments

[first day as a financial advisor] have you considered embezzlement?

submitted 66 days ago • 9 comments

You aren’t just fumbling her, you’re fumbling every guy who has also fumbled her

submitted 64 days ago • 4 comments

*at my first peep show* Where is she hiding the marshmallows?

submitted 63 days ago • 4 comments

Was not prepared for the portion of parenting a senior dog where they see ghosts

submitted 63 days ago • 12 comments

Happy Wet Monday, everyone! Throw water on a coworker today and if they get mad, they simply aren’t respecting your religious beliefs.

submitted 61 days ago • 2 comments

I don’t think white people actually like Paula Deen. I think we just like butter.

submitted 61 days ago • 22 comments

Doctor prescribed me 50mg of cuttin up with the fellas

submitted 60 days ago • 9 comments

sure, social media is a maze and we're mice stuck inside, but don't worry, any minute now I bet they're going to give us a piece of cheese

submitted 65 days ago • 35 comments

a woman posted a pic in a group chat of a baby turkey she bought thinking it was a chicken. She captioned the pic "IS THIS A TURKEY?!?" Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it

submitted 63 days ago • 64 comments