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theneedling.com
Seattle's Only Real Fake News (Satire/Parody) Have a hot headline tip? Send it to [email protected] TheNeedling.com
1,533 posts 10,930 followers 978 following
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Posts 44 Comments 6

There are some decent responses here but I urge you to do better. I need to be entertained. Many thanks.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

Fascist McFashface

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

I shall christen the riot tank Saturday evening with a piss balloon

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

I know we all got to name new snow plows (eg CTRL+SALT+DEL) but this is… ummmm… unexpected

submitted 16 hours ago • 3 comments

I snarfed my tea.

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

I propose the name of... Jenny Durkan... She did such a great job teargassing everyone during the protests in 2020, she deserves this honor!💥

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

Help SPD Name Its New Urban Warfare Tank! tinyurl.com/yysvmwa4

submitted 16 hours ago • 81 comments

I finally am willing to consider the possibility that SPD is at all invested in public safety

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

“'I’ve been too scared to stand up to a bunch of rich Denny Blaine waterfront home owners, a group of transphobic religious freaks &... my own racist AF staff, I’m definitely not going to be able to stand up to our country’s 1st dictator,' Barnes said as he checked himself into a holding cell"💥READ💥

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

“Seattle residents deserve to use their legal right to protest and even be nude at their favorite nude beach without being harassed, physically harmed, and jailed by a bunch of fascists I’ve been the boss of for the last three months,” said Barnes as he handcuffed himself.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

‘I’ll Go to Jail to Protect Seattle,’ Says Seattle Police Chief Arresting Self: tinyurl.com/y9tpbfzz

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

the bars are out of control, the needling is peak journalism

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

“Seattle residents deserve to use their legal right to protest and even be nude at their favorite nude beach without being harassed, physically harmed, and jailed by a bunch of fascists I’ve been the boss of for the last three months,” said Barnes as he handcuffed himself.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

‘I’ll Go to Jail to Protect Seattle,’ Says Seattle Police Chief Arresting Self: tinyurl.com/y9tpbfzz

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

I know this is satire, but that’s totally something RFK Jr. would say.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

DO NOT TEMPT FATE

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

FDA Bans Unleaded Baby Formula: tinyurl.com/mtehcxsf

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

“Modern American babies have become soft, barely able to hold their own head up high because the quacks at the FDA have been withholding the nutritious lead our children desperately crave,” said RFK Jr.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Mrs. Charles and I will start bootlegging the non-ethanol super-unleaded baby formula from Queets. I’ll help Queets make Medina look like Kent in comparison.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

That'll knock the 'tism out of those weakass babies

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

“Modern American babies have become soft, barely able to hold their own head up high because the quacks at the FDA have been withholding the nutritious lead our children desperately crave,” said RFK Jr.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

This is some top quality MS innuendo posting.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing says MAHA liking feeding babies lead

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

The logo embodies the sexual tensions of the MS founders, who had to do everything w 3.5" floppies.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

FDA Bans Unleaded Baby Formula: tinyurl.com/mtehcxsf

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

“At first I couldn’t tell which team he played for, but after learning that he’s Power BI, he’s been on my mind 365.”

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Such a great way to deliver the vibe in a cost efficient manner. Are you paying attention Port Townsend?

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

“At first I couldn’t tell which team he played for, but after learning that he’s Power BI, he’s been on my mind 365.”

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Sexual Tension Builds Between the Two Guys in the Microsoft Teams Logo: tinyurl.com/43a7stwf

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

You can get the same produce any day of the week for less money, no crowds, and a far superior vibe at Top Banana.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

more like Microsoft Meats amirite

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Chef’s kiss

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

“nonbinary cheesemongers with knit caps rolled up over their ears” Ok but I would stop at that stall. I know that cheese is bomb. And also $657.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

both gentlemen are developing a 'growth mindset'

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Ballard Farmers Market Begins Being Provided for Ambiance Only: tinyurl.com/2vprwxax

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

LA melts them. 🔥 Seattle freezes them. 🥶 #TeamworkMakesTheDreamWork

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

😂😂 I needed this.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

"We were getting a lot of complaints that learning how much hard, dedicated work it takes to farm local, organic produce and how little profit it generates was a real bummer. These folks will like our new changes."

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

LA melts them. 🔥 Seattle freezes them. 🥶 #TeamworkMakesTheDreamWork

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Sexual Tension Builds Between the Two Guys in the Microsoft Teams Logo: tinyurl.com/43a7stwf

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Shocking lack of reporting on how this will or will not affect the four nearly-identical flower stands across the market. Does it count as a purchase if it aids in the Ambiance by carrying a bouquet in your tote bag?

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

This was my home farmers market back in 2018, and it was already well on its way to this 😁

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I would have guessed Fremont would make that transition first, but… alas.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Ballard Farmers Market Begins Being Provided for Ambiance Only: tinyurl.com/2vprwxax

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments