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theregoesrichie.bsky.social
the world below is made up emissions: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:o6jndh2ipxyybvilzriehr4t/feed/aaaoywnnxteqg
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*leans into 🎤* 𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙙𝙡𝙮, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙧

Every photo of a planet looks like a giant gumball that I'd pay 25 cents to chew

me an hour after going to legal dispensary for the first time

I’ve got two turntables and a microphone and a skateboard and a Batman comic and a purple buttplug.

If you're barking up the wrong tree, does it still make a sound?

Impale me with lit dynamite, so I know it’s real

A sommelier but for french fries

oh nothing just drinking my attention juice

I just want to know what kind of drugs people were using in the 70s to be able to enjoy 20-minute drum solos.

Sometimes refreshing the page refreshes my rage

I’m going to all the rock shows I can this summer. 🤘🏻

A spinning top suggests the existence of a stationary bottom.

If you squint and look at the world sideways, it’s still fucking terrible.

I shudder to think how much money I’ve spent on alcohol over the years. Or maybe that's delirium tremens

It was the best of awful times, it was the worst of awful times.

Me: I am very easy going Also me: just put it back where it belongs

Just bought a box of kitchen garbage bags at Costco that will definitely outlive me.

I divide history into before pizza and after pizza.

Girl, They Know: A memoir

I recently successfully broke away from social media for a while but I didn't have anyone to brag about it to.

they should make a rotisserie chicken you can vape

i won’t come down to your job at the dick sucking factory and smack the dick out of your mouth but i will tell you how to unionize your workplace

The only reason I don't carry a purse is because I mix up sunscreen with the pepper spray.

If the Rapture preppers are right and their sky daddy is coming- let’s get this over with. We won’t miss any of you

A "break from reality" is probably less relaxing than it sounds

Wanna come over and hit me with a frying pan?

we can each have a teaspoon of hope, as a treat

I just found out that the wheels will fly off a shopping cart if you get it up over 20 mph.

You bring the vhs tapes of MTV Friday Night Videos and I'll bring the Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers.

Updating my resume: Nervous Breakdown 2016-present

Tony Bennett left his heart in San Francisco and I left my penis pump in a Rancho Cucamonga Motel 6.

Ties you up just to make you watch me eat a popsicle.

Sometimes you just need someone to rub your butt and tell you a story.

Murder, She Said Into A Fan

*rides off into the sunset* *returns to get melatonin*

So honored to be the valedictorian of my anger management class.

if you sweat while eating, it totally counts as a workout

Well, fuck.

If I ask you why you're screaming it's a rhetorical question.

I bought oat milk. My dad saw it and asked if I was dying.

The sheep, out of hatred for the rabbits, voted for the wolf to preside over the farm. They all died. Even the chickens, who didn't vote.

despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage (eats like, ALOT of cheese)

People who become very sick at the cryogenic clinic are sent to the IcyU ...and send

Don't forget to spay or neuter your neighbors

Yes that was me who invented the viral catchphrase “I just burned my hand yet again grabbing a hot skillet please send help”