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vitruvianmonkey.bsky.social
Livin’ the farce, baby!
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This joke of a horseman does not have the trust of his mount, and it’s really obvious why.

American schools won’t teach you that the answer to “what if a turtle falls on its back?” is turtles are loyal comrades who will never let a comrade fall without helping them back to their feet.

I didn’t even feel it.

cop: do you know why I pulled you over? me: because you had an emotionally distant father, an overbearing mother, married a woman just like her, your kids hate you, and you’re taking your anger and frustration out on me? cop: [holding back tears] because your gas cap is open

If you’re a male gay your male gaze is for male gays.

Kills me that a lot of people still think he was being poetic or metaphorical when he was really just saying the light shining through the bottle looked like windows in a cathedral.

We don’t have ALL the wine moms on our side.

The rain hides the flop sweat but accentuates his pig-like features.

Finally the police start fighting the real bad guys.

Honestly, everyone up there just looks bored to death. They forgot parades are boring.

NYPD deploying a thousand foot soldiers to be used against anti-ICE/pro Palestine protesters. The protest has been peaceful, yet NYPD is itching for violence and arrests. All violence so far has been by cops with Eric Adams and Trump coordination. Legit police state now.

Don’t get him started on orgone energy.

I’ve seen better attended high school track meets.

Why can’t we ever do these things in the winter? I am boiling.

Actually, David, I’m an adult and I can look at two different situations that really only have one thing in common and come to completely different moral judgements on both of them. Because, again, I am an adult with adult reasoning skills.

So is Fortnite just unironically the shared IP universe from Ready Player One?

Oh, you're doomscrolling current events? That's baby shit. I'm doomscrolling the events of 536. A volcano just erupted in Iceland. Snow just fell during the summer in China. Crops are failing. All of the crops are failing.

You know things are bad because my educational nature documentary consumption is through the roof.

Just got kicked in the balls by an ogre, but I deserved it because I said we might be better off without The Testicle Kicking Ogre.

Give Iran nukes. Give blah blah blah nukes. Give ME nukes. I am tired of a lot of people.

Oh yeah? Why?

Godsmack is God’s Mack, and it refers to the Lord’s big rig.

I’m the soldier on the secret moon base. They sent me up here in 1986 to test secret duplication technology stolen from the Soviets. They say if I make it to 2026 without anyone revealing my existence to the public they’ll ship up some beef. I’m really sick of eating me for dinner

Looking forward to stacking another constitutional crisis on top of the six others we have going when Trump just says no. This one will involve trained soldiers, which should be a ratings winner.

The things are not generally good but on the upside the world has to end soon at this rate.

I feel like we’re falling toward a singularity of pure worldwide disaster.

oh so we should dissent peacefully?? through legitimate channels?? like by being elected to the united states senate and asking questions at a DHS press conference???

Oh, so there is a Nazi moonbase.

KRISTI NOEM: I’m ordering all law enforcement to shoot liberals on sight. TOM HOMAN: We’re turning LA into a concentration camp for Hispanics. DONALD TRUMP: You know you can still get the supersize if you ask, but they don’t put it on the menu any more. With this executive order, they have to.

On we’re just doing the whole fucking poem again, are we?

Pretty remarkable how little time it took to turn the federal government into one man’s grift machine.