Since I have begun thinking about my DID I have been aware of some self-protection mechanisms that I didn't control. One was that anytime I would think about how my mind works it would lose its emotional content, become an unreal daydream, and it would fade to nothing. - ThreadSky

system-nine.bsky.social • 54 days ago

Since I have begun thinking about my DID I have been aware of some self-protection mechanisms that I didn't control. One was that anytime I would think about how my mind works it would lose its emotional content, become an unreal daydream, and it would fade to nothing.

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system-nine.bsky.social•54 days ago

Another happened any time I thought about anything painful or embarrassing. If it wasn't something I needed to deal with right then a random number would pop into my head (not just integers, real and imaginary numbers too) and I would be distracted and think of something else.

system-nine.bsky.social•54 days ago

I wasn't sure if there was an alter controlling these or if it was just some smaller fragment of my mind coded with these rules. On the theory it was an alter I gave it the place holder name Manager. I don't like being managed and I think I did it to tweak its nose.

system-nine.bsky.social•54 days ago

Then there was a discussion about hypnosis and I thought about the self-hypnosis I learned in college. I used it successfully in my 30s to eat more healthily for a while. I tried it again about a decade later and my mind strenuously rejected it.

system-nine.bsky.social•54 days ago

Remembering that Manager was an alter and I decided to try self-hypnosis again to get a reaction from him. My wife said that it would be aggressive/controlling to do that so I decided not to. But as I was thinking about it he started distracting me and I was able to see him.

system-nine.bsky.social•54 days ago

So this morning I consciously gathered myself together, blending with all of my known alters, and we spoke to him. We let him know that we weren't angry about being managed. We know he protected us when we were a child but we have outgrown the need. We let him know that we need him to join with us.

system-nine.bsky.social•54 days ago

We need his strength, watchfulness, and self control. He joined us. He doesn't have words but I asked for a number and he said 42 which was the number I was using to indicate I could deal with something when he would try to distract me with a number.

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