Apparently this needs to be said but you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to have a sexual preference with genitals. And nobody should be shamed for their preferences. HOWEVER, a persons identity is NOT dependent on whether or not you want to fuck them.
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Love this. I've been screaming this for ages. I hear the "My lesbian friend was (verbally) attacked because she doesn't want to date a transwoman)" argument - a lot! I always reply that we don't have to date anyone we don't want. And, of course, that I don't believe their story.
I'm trans and have been told by other trans that my (genital) choice in personal partners was secondary to a persons identity. And My view didn't matter. I won't elaborate,A:you won't believe me,and B:It will turn into a huge fight and I'll get banned. But there are people like that. I've met them.
I believe you. I don't believe the people (always terfs) who give the argument I mentioned, but I don't see why what you said is unbelievable. It's equally unfair, though, because we're not all pan. And no one gets to tell you who you should & shouldn't be attracted to. Sorry you faced that.
I hear you. The world is generally unaccessable & hostile to most. It's also terrifying right now, especially for trans & disabled folk. Having those extra burdens will no doubt amplify your experience x100. Being in panic mode is exhausting. No wonder you're confused!
You can have a sexual preference for anything. Hair colour, height, body type, fashion and style even. And, believe it or not, personality, sense of humour and things like that.
Who would even think another person's identity was in any way related to whether or not they wanted to fuck them?
This is constaly at play in Cis relationships as well, or are we going to pretend that no one has ever broken up with someone after seeing them naked for the first time and deciding they weren't that attractive after all. And whether that person is cis or trans, don't be a dick about it.
This was actually something i needed to square-up in my mind pretty early on while I was still figuring out my gender identity/sexuality. And while this is basically where I landed on this point, I dont think I could have ever conveyed it so concisely.
They don't really care whats in your pants. Change whats in your pants they just move the goalposts. Then it won't count because it wasn't ALWAYS in your pants. Learned that the hard way over the last 25 years.
It's like we either get hit with the "well people just want mens/women's genitalia" or some gross monologue about how disgusting someone finds the genitalia they assume we have based off of our assumed gender identity and it's like you don't have to fuck us obviously but
Could you not be fucking weird about it thanks
Like I might have a magic cock that grants insane psychedelic orgasms or insane waterfall pussy that tastes like gushers or like idk red bull or smth they don't know and they never will bc it's none of their damn business 🗣️🗣️🗣️
How many cons are being caught checking out trans fetish sites? I’m not gonna be lectured by people who want to demonize and fetishize the same group of people. Trans people are human beings, they are not toys to have their lives played with by the most selfish people in the world.
Yeah, but it's important to recognize that that differential response to different types of genitals is part of sexual orientation and not some random preference. It's because of a preference for a certain type of person (in terms of sex or gender).
Like I am a trans girl but as I'm pre-everything, I straight up look like a vaguely androgynous dude. Someone into women not finding me attractive is obv logical, as an example.
But that doesn't extrapolate to every trans girl out there.
I hate how much this question gets asked, because it ultimately ends up being objectifying and dysphoria inducing.
It is also often with the underlying transphobic idea that we are “pressuring people into having sex with us”, which carried over from serious dangerous assumptions about gay people.
A few, and I mean a FEW trans identified people feel that their sense of self overrides the free choice of others. I've met some, its kept me away from the community for many years. And I've been worse off for it.
I will also say that your use of saying a “trans identified people” is apart of language that gets used to dismiss trans people *as* our genders in addition to how we experience said gender. Whether or not you mean to, this is how that language is used
I know it sounds unbelievable but I'm TRYING to use good words. I'm old, I was a Rethuglican before I came out. Back then we were transsexuals. It was pretty straightforward. I'm old and despite my trying I seem to be constantly putting my foot in my mouth. I'll go away, didn't mean to offend.
I just pointed it out because I didn’t have enough information whether or not to, in case it was relevant
You’ll get no argument from me about the words that you used growing up. The way we described our experiences growing up changed and evolve and will continue to. It is what happens.
The "right word" one day is the" wrong word" the next. I still use Transsexual for myself, and I get hell for that too. I had somebody tell me I can't say it because its a slur. I simply said I can call myself any damn thing I want. Isn't that how its supposed to work?
I'm 60, but my partner is a Vtuber, (She cracked my egg so fast I beat HER to the hospital) we are both gamers. Cosplayers, regular con attendees. We don't do "old" but the words change and change. I've been online for thirty years. 2,700 websites when I started over a billion today.
I have never met nor spoke to any trans person who would insist for someone to not want to sleep with them to do so. If they do, that’s something a cisgender person may also do
Problem is that this comes with an idea that trans people sexually coerce others, reinforcing the idea of us as sex pests
The phrasing was that since they were female identified their penis was female genitalia and my refusal to accept it as such in MY own personal life was bigotry. I transitioned the better part of thirty years ago, I've seen a lot of change. That was a long time ago Maybe its different now.
Oh, I understand. I found your initial response a bit confusing because of the overall context of the post.
Yeah, sometimes language used may feel more empowering to some trans people but not to others. Not everyone feels like they can embrace every single body part; dysphoria happens regardless.
Cishet men are so fucking dramatic with this 😭 they have to make it painfully clear that they'd never date a trans woman bc the thought somehow threatens their existence as a man 🙄
They only see Trans people and nonbinaries as fetishes to them, it's disgusting "you only exist because I wanna look at you and get hot but you shouldn't exist !"
Exactly. I wouldn’t date a trans woman and that means nothing more than my own sexual preference. At no point do I decide a person’s identity or value based on my sexual desire toward them. It’s certainly not how I’d want my value or rights judged.
100% correct. Too many people are treating people like a shallow transaction. I wouldn't want to sleep with someone that everything was an 'you scratch my back and I will scratch yours' relationship.
I have my own preferences. I’m not attracted to every single woman. That doesn’t mean they’re not women or that they’re a threat to my sexuality. The world doesn’t revolve around my tastes.
I feel this and agree completely 💗I'm a lesbian myself and it took me time to understand all of it. Women are still real women if that's who they are, which is what truly counts
Preference has a more general meaning of "both options are fine, one is better", and not the filtering deal-breaker meaning that people use in this context.
But regardless, complaining loudly that you *dislike* an option is boorish behavior.
I’m tall and lanky, I’ve had girls I’m in to prefer short curvy girls. They didn’t invalidate my identity or make me feel unattractive. We can be respectful while also making our needs and desires clear.
I’ve been with trans girls and cis girls (about to celebrate 3 years with my cis partner). Honestly, my preference is for what the girl I’m in love with has. Im attracted to my gf for a billion non-physical reasons but, yes, we also have physical preferences that we’re attracted to with each other.
Feel this so hard
The amount of times I've been told that for my sexuality to count: I either have to want to fuck everyone equally,
Or that I'm not allowed to find trans people sexy as Bi person is frankly pretty weird..🤦
I'm demi sexual
I just want to crush on couple of my friends every few years😆
I’m aroace, so I don’t get the genital preference personally, but I HATE when people (esp “allies”) say they support trans people, but “just want real women/men/body parts.” But when I pointed that out to people, they’d get so offended and think I was trying to force them to date trans people. 🤦
Then they can't seem to understand that bisexual can include attraction to any number of genders - it just includes the same gender and at least one other.
Sorry, ranting. I'm sorry you've experienced so many people policing and erasing you being demi.
🙂no no, is good very good rant
Think the of those 1 that kinda broke my brain was my trans ex saying that..🤦
That was definitely the funniest
They're wanted me to switch to Pan
But outside our community, people really don't know what you mean if you say it
And the whole thing was also abit biphobic
Also (a) you should never assume what genitalia someone has just by the person's name, appearance, pronouns, etc, and (b) you can express preferences without acting like the genitalia you aren't interested in are disgusting/gross/wrong. 😭
Well, and yeah, that's not great to call someone a fascist over. The problem lies more with "... and thus I won't date any trans women" because not all trans women have a penis. Or "... and people with penises are gross" or "...and if YOU do it makes you less a lesbian". 🤷
If you want the details my partner and I have been together nearly 20 years. We both transitioned (medically) decades ago. I was on a forum, and I said, I love her, but if she had a penis we wouldn't be partners. I got actual hate mail. I got called horrible names. it was insane.
But if you're not doing that ??? oh well? More for everyone else. It not the preference or whatever, it's the attitude/reasons behind it or if people make assumptions about if someone does/doesn't have a specific set of genitalia, and we're sorry those people don't get that.
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Who would even think another person's identity was in any way related to whether or not they wanted to fuck them?
Just, goddamn
Like I might have a magic cock that grants insane psychedelic orgasms or insane waterfall pussy that tastes like gushers or like idk red bull or smth they don't know and they never will bc it's none of their damn business 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Also, it’s no one’s business if someone has had surgery
which you should be doing to potential partners anyway!!!
Like, some trans girls have vaginas. Some intersex ones might even been born with one.
But that doesn't extrapolate to every trans girl out there.
It is also often with the underlying transphobic idea that we are “pressuring people into having sex with us”, which carried over from serious dangerous assumptions about gay people.
You’ll get no argument from me about the words that you used growing up. The way we described our experiences growing up changed and evolve and will continue to. It is what happens.
Problem is that this comes with an idea that trans people sexually coerce others, reinforcing the idea of us as sex pests
Yeah, sometimes language used may feel more empowering to some trans people but not to others. Not everyone feels like they can embrace every single body part; dysphoria happens regardless.
Random dude: Hey, you're cute. Wanna dance?
Me: no thanks.
RD: fucking dike!
Like that sorta.
My interest in them
Their interest in me
If I'm not interested in someone, and/or if they're not interested in me, gender is kinda irrelevant. ;-)
Like who you like. Don’t be a troll about it.
People mind your business
Preference has a more general meaning of "both options are fine, one is better", and not the filtering deal-breaker meaning that people use in this context.
But regardless, complaining loudly that you *dislike* an option is boorish behavior.
The amount of times I've been told that for my sexuality to count: I either have to want to fuck everyone equally,
Or that I'm not allowed to find trans people sexy as Bi person is frankly pretty weird..🤦
I'm demi sexual
I just want to crush on couple of my friends every few years😆
They imply that binary trans people aren't the same gender as a cis person. They're the transphobic ones.
Sorry, ranting. I'm sorry you've experienced so many people policing and erasing you being demi.
Think the of those 1 that kinda broke my brain was my trans ex saying that..🤦
That was definitely the funniest
They're wanted me to switch to Pan
But outside our community, people really don't know what you mean if you say it
And the whole thing was also abit biphobic