Growing up I had a fascination with public speaking. I have horrible stage fright which discouraged me from ever pursuing that outside of required classwork, though I have reason to believe I'm skilled by the reviews I received for my presentations. Part of that I attribute to working in a drivethru - ThreadSky

emersonfridge.bsky.social • 3 days ago

Growing up I had a fascination with public speaking. I have horrible stage fright which discouraged me from ever pursuing that outside of required classwork, though I have reason to believe I'm skilled by the reviews I received for my presentations. Part of that I attribute to working in a drivethru

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emersonfridge.bsky.social•3 days ago

I've made people cry real tears of emotion by dragging out the same point and rewording it a little extra with some pizazz thrown on there. I was blessed with having a way with words and no desire or outlet to use it. I dislike sounding smart in a personal setting because it becomes impersonal

emersonfridge.bsky.social•3 days ago

I think my one desire to use that skill was when I was with my ex-girlfriend a few years back. I was so overtaken by love and the desire to fix her that it unconsciously came forward and led to back and forth toxic behaviors between us that eventually tore us apart. I will not deny half of the blame

emersonfridge.bsky.social•3 days ago

Of course I was a shitty boyfriend, I have no emotional sensitivities and I mentally reduced her to an object to preach at and fix as opposed to a human being with intricacies and imperfections. I was an ignorant teenager who fucked up. I've apologized for my actions before, though I'm still bitter

emersonfridge.bsky.social•2 days ago

Two teenagers come together and waste a year and a half of their lives because both of them had faults that were fundamentally incompatible. They're both to blame for some of it because it's usually a two-way street in relationships. Of course I'm bitter about my time, but also because I fucked up

emersonfridge.bsky.social•2 days ago

Because I fucked up so devastatingly bad that I damaged my own view of the world and likely caused her large amount of emotional grief as well, I have grown to resent the parts of me that caused it, be it my personality, ill-timed use of speaking skills, or my autism. Controllable or not, it hurts.

emersonfridge.bsky.social•2 days ago

I try to reflect on my faults by putting it into writing or speaking about it in some capacity. Even if my faults are something I cannot physically rid myself of, like autism, I can still find workarounds. I'll never find a workaround if I don't spell out my faults in some capacity.

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