Anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship knows this: if an abuser wants a fight, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. No amount of silence, kindness, or reasoning will change that. The fight isn’t about you—it’s about their need to dominate.
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What you NOT DO when in that situation is validate the abusers and their world view
Like an entire office will be utterly baffled at what’s going on but I right away see what’s need to navigate (if at all)
Once in therapy, I vented about how vast majority of the Russian diaspora in the U.S. votes for Trump. My therapist said: unresolved trauma draws victims to abusers. Russia/USSR was far more abusive than the U.S.—so they flee to freedom, only to seek out a dictator again.
We all know it: We have blocked the traumatic memories into some secluded area in our brain, but when the trigger comes, shit pours out and hell breaks loose.