Corporate Security Detail Not Sure Why They Guarding Crock-Pot CEO theonion.com/corpora... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 46 days ago

Corporate Security Detail Not Sure Why They Guarding Crock-Pot CEO
https://theonion.com/corporate-security-detail-not-sure-why-they-guarding-crock-pot-ceo/

Comments

vergeclub.bsky.social•46 days ago

Crock, or Crack?
Crock is usually followed by of ...
Crack is usually appended with pot.

melanieteaches.bsky.social•46 days ago

Ah, grasshopper, you have much to learn about the ways of cookery gadgets.

vergeclub.bsky.social•46 days ago

Crockpot is a thing?
I've got a slow cooker.
I'm not sure I've ever heard of anyone being called a slow cooker.

melanieteaches.bsky.social•44 days ago

:D
Crockpot is to slow cooker as Kleenex is to tissue.
I feel like a 'slow cooker' might be a person who shows the potential to eventually be a force of reckoning but have never heard it used!

vergeclub.bsky.social•44 days ago

So crock pot is a brand name as distinct from a descriptive noun? And a slow cooker, someone who is on a slow burn, steady but low-key. You could say that about a lot of musicians.

melanieteaches.bsky.social•40 days ago

Oh, I've never heard 'slow cooker' used for a person!!
But I think it would be a great phrase. :)

ekkochambers.bsky.social•46 days ago

To be fair the crock pot CEO is probably an old man who doesn't get out much or use the internet and just heard "the youngsters are killing CEOs now I think?" from his equally misinformed wife and he didn't know how to google more information and is playing it on the safe side.

kimbeallsghost.bsky.social•46 days ago

Dudes, do you have a new editor or something? This is the second Onion post I've seen today that had grammar errors in the headline. Or is that an intentional joke or riff on some current event of which I'm not yet aware?

mtonak.bsky.social•46 days ago

Pressure Mounts From Rival Instant Pot, but Crock-Pot Executives Dismiss It as Hot Air

franciscodesigns.bsky.social•46 days ago

I had to read this multiple times to make sure your grammar was as egregiously incorrect as it seemed. Hard to believe you’re putting stuff out there like this when you used to mock bad grammar.

caseytheotter.bsky.social•46 days ago

It's headlinese https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Headline#Headlinese

franciscodesigns.bsky.social•46 days ago

Which made sense when typesetting was a thing. So either this is an attempt at humor… poorly executed. Or it’s just a stupid mistake.

caseytheotter.bsky.social•46 days ago

They started as a print publication. They parody newspaper headlines sometimes. This is one of those times

katecamp.bsky.social•46 days ago

Gird your pork loins.

el-bo.bsky.social•46 days ago

Everybody lover the Crok-Pot. I have Three in regular rotation.

keenanmatt.bsky.social•46 days ago

Vengeful “This is Us” fans still hold Crock-Pot responsible for killing Jack.

mothug.bsky.social•46 days ago

Why can't they just set the CEO on low, go do stuff for a few hours and come back later?🤔

drkaz.bsky.social•46 days ago

Crock-Pot is owned by Newell Brands, a company that owns dozens of popular brands (like Rubbermaid and Sharpie). They were suffering from bad profitability until the new CEO raised prices about 10% last year & this year announced high profits.

Chris Peterson's security knows why they guard him.

drkaz.bsky.social•46 days ago

Sorry, I meant to say..."ha ha, that's so HILARIOUS! Could you imagine the guy who runs Crock-Pot might need security!? Oh, you guys are good!"

yulriddick.bsky.social•46 days ago

Because he's the original and legal strongman. That's why.

bertybirdy.bsky.social•46 days ago

I love crock without the r

idletenta.bsky.social•46 days ago

My baby Chihuahua fell into a Crock-Pot and died! That CEO needs the protection

namelessone84.bsky.social•46 days ago

Those CEOs had better pray that their body guards never need to make a medical claim, or have a family member that does.

gamercat365.bsky.social•46 days ago

Now this is a crock of shit

tsimh.bsky.social•46 days ago

Perhaps their healthcare plan is with another company?

rayleighscatter.bsky.social•46 days ago

Watch that crick pot on your six !
I SEE STEAM !

jasdoutho.bsky.social•46 days ago

People need to quit STEWing about it. They need a SOUPed up security detail or things are going to come to a BOIL.

pre3chorded.bsky.social•46 days ago

Those of us who lost family to Crock-Pot know why he has security!

lafloranona.bsky.social•46 days ago

Well, they shouldn’t stew about it.

subhuman7770.bsky.social•46 days ago

Feed Luigi!

bestjason.bsky.social•46 days ago

What? Me fail English? That’s unpossible!

hellsonly.bsky.social•46 days ago

If the revolution were to come will these mercenaries accept the possibility of ending up like Louis XVI's Swiss Guards or not???

wethepeoplestill.bsky.social•46 days ago

Yep, my son in law former military, former correctional officer (retired), is a private security person for a millionaire. Guess who's footing the bill, stockholders/consumers. I've never heard of the guy, so much self-importance.

dreamoffire.bsky.social•46 days ago

I know why he needs the security detail. Have you ever bought a crock pot in the last 10 years? They won't stop emailing you about buying another! Why would anyone need two crock pots or two emails a day about them?

lastthird.bsky.social•46 days ago

I initially misread this as "Crack-Pot CEO" and assumed it was a swipe at Elon

marketmobile.bsky.social•46 days ago

For the money?

aeiman.bsky.social•46 days ago

Because the CEO needs guarding!

piyoinstitute.bsky.social•46 days ago

All guards hired from the state of Luigi-ana!

mwill70.bsky.social•46 days ago

Possibly because he knows when to use “they’re” instead of “they”.

nikola.jborg.dk•46 days ago

Not sure about grammar, either?

ekkochambers.bsky.social•46 days ago

Maybe it's in a southern dialect, I think that's grammatically correct for south, but I'm from central Florida which is basically just the Midwest so I'm not really sure what any of the southern dialects are called or what their grammatical rules are. What was i talking about? Oh yeah the onion

pyrobrine.bsky.social•46 days ago

I see a bunch of people complaining about grammar, but I'm not seeing it. The most egregious mistake is in the title, missing an 'are'. It is also clear a number of people here haven't bothered reading the actual article.

pyrobrine.bsky.social•46 days ago

To demonstrate how easy such a mistake is, I nearly forgot to add the 'is' in the second sentence.

michcarv.bsky.social•46 days ago

My brain read CRACK POT CEO🤭😳

thatac.bsky.social•46 days ago

He can guard me anytime...

sigh stock shot models... i am so lonely.

huckmucus.bsky.social•46 days ago

Money. Money is the reason.

zig24.bsky.social•46 days ago

"they?"

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