“Stupid fucking judge made me put this on my iPhone,” said the head of the nation’s largest government agency theonion.com/pete-he... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 8 days ago

“Stupid fucking judge made me put this on my iPhone,” said the head of the nation’s largest government agency
https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-blows-into-breathalyzer-to-unlock-phone/

Comments

undercoverpirate.bsky.social•8 days ago

🤣

pointythings01.bsky.social•7 days ago

Look at this tool

murphyslaw7.bsky.social•8 days ago

Love the onion

akiva631.bsky.social•8 days ago

Even easier would be to have FaceID check if his eyes are bloodshot.

goddesshoneylight.bsky.social•8 days ago

😆

adamjewell.bsky.social•8 days ago

Is it the same one required to get out of bed?

wacamongus.bsky.social•8 days ago

Have you ever tried to use a drunk iPhone? phsjjjjjhhhh.. I'll dial yar friggin number when I'm good and ready meatbag! hic

johnd62.bsky.social•8 days ago

I love The Onion. It’s the closest thing to the late, great, National Lampoon!

johnd62.bsky.social•8 days ago

🤣🤣🤣

mjayne01.bsky.social•7 days ago

Beta testing the new whiskey app.

tallkim62.bsky.social•7 days ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Whiskey Foxtrot done Tangled now

mateohh.bsky.social•8 days ago

Tell Pam Bondi we said hi

ft-friendly.bsky.social•8 days ago

🙀 This is a disease.

🛑 It's called imbecility.

📌 That "man" is a chief of the army... But...
Can we sleep peacefully?

bluevet100.bsky.social•8 days ago

This alcoholic moron should be fired and then criminally prosecuted for his handling of confidential information.

ayybruh.bsky.social•8 days ago

aposthumousmemoir.bsky.social•8 days ago

I'll bet it was an "activist" judge.

matteice.bsky.social•8 days ago

'Houthi Pub Crawl small group' will be their next explanation as Pete's attempt at a teambuilding exercise that got out of hand.

beel.bsky.social•8 days ago

This is the Onion I expect.

karendaigler.bsky.social•7 days ago

I feel that politicians need to blow into breathalyzers before they're allowed to pass laws

boothillbossanova.bsky.social•8 days ago

Maybe Hegseth has a breathalyzer kink?

solaeracan.bsky.social•8 days ago

Onion always on point

kennedytkennedy.bsky.social•8 days ago

Only the best people

hacker78.bsky.social•8 days ago

Whiskeyleaks!!

leon-skum.bsky.social•7 days ago

Lauren Boebert found out you had the blow into it and wanted one for her phone.

jaddziadax.bsky.social•8 days ago

I wish

m2fiesty.bsky.social•8 days ago

🤣👍

tensleep.bsky.social•8 days ago

Wouldn't it be great "if" the government officials installed a breathalyzer on #hegseth's cell phone. The next headline to run will be: "#hegseth Seen Having Baron Trump Blow Into #hegseth's Breathzlyzer So He Can Open It."