My superior 100th percentile intellect allows me to perceive all possible outcomes of all options at the same time, while the troglodyte army only considers the possiblities of only one option at a time (and generally 2nd guesses the best option right before falling on his face).
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PS I'm friends with Bob Weir's half brother or whatever.
Once upon a time, Wavy Gravy put him on a bus. You love my stories.