A lot of men who have misogynistic beliefs actually don’t hold them too tightly. They mostly want to impress and bond with other men.
Just being unimpressed—or even judgmental!—is often enough to get them to change their beliefs. If they’re encountering that reaction on a regular basis.
Just being unimpressed—or even judgmental!—is often enough to get them to change their beliefs. If they’re encountering that reaction on a regular basis.
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If they can control it around women, they can stop it completely.
This is very true of many, many men. Tons of them are only as misogynistic as it makes them feel accepted and powerful. If the tides turn against that, they’ll typically flex with it.
Obviously there are some who deeply hold those views, but usually it’s negotiable on some level.
Misogynistic men tend to rethink things when they get this kind of reaction from another men. But when feminized people respond this way, it can create an opportunity for misogynists to bond with each other.
Twenty minutes ago, I told a man that the cashier was not flirting with him. He said anyone who’s polite to him is flirting, and I had no reply.
When intervening on harassment, the perpetrator should actually matter to us the least. It’s about protecting and valuing the victim!
(Which is actually the best thing we can do to keep perpetrators in line too.)
Men are products of their environment. They tend not to change their beliefs off of urging from a single person. But if they go into a space where their bad behavior isn’t accepted anymore, we see a lot of ideological shifts.
Men actively participating in fraternities tend to express misogynistic beliefs, but a lot of them tend to shift their beliefs after graduation. Presumably, it’s because they entered spaces that promoted other beliefs instead.
None of us hold a lot of influence on our own. And once people get set into more permanent social spaces (families, workplaces, churches), it’s much harder to create the seismic shift needed in environment.
And even if they don’t change their behavior everywhere, at least they know they can’t spread their misogyny to others around you.
Because means girls and tough boys are ultimately both conferring more power to boys/men.
Even if HE doesn't change, he is infecting others a bit less
Most men are sheep and will follow the lead of a person who passionately and clearly states a principled position.
Better results come when stating those principled beliefs is not accompanied by othering the person being corrected. Be a shepherd, not Sheep a wolf.
https://youtu.be/UG6Ier4UC_8?si=uShuQp6jwTS7fL8x
Maybe I am higher on the scale than I thought I was.
I'm not into enabling bigots or tolerating bullying.
It can hit you like a sledgehammer to the forehead and make your soul wanna curl up and die.
Use this power for good.
When you don't "play along" or chuckle nervously to make the social situation go more smoothly when another dude says some dumb fuck sexist shit, it matters. Works for racism and homophobia, too!
Shame can work in this context. Tried and tested. 🫡
Meaning he lacks confidence & dislikes women for whatever threat they pose to his fragile ego.
Great way to shut it down and let them know it's unacceptable without having to discuss the issues.
"We're just asking for the fair hearing you give The Blacks, and they're not even human".
But it’s honestly the opposite. If they can hold those beliefs AND people start treating them better than before, they have no incentive to change. It’s seen as proof that misogyny works.
Also, if you as a woman cannot be asked to show empathy for men who threaten you, and don’t even understand feminism or their own issues, it still is male allies’ job to understand and educate the dumb and clueless in their ranks.
“My domination makes people more submissive to me. This kindness is proof I’m in control—and that I’m better than all of these people.”
https://bsky.app/profile/nbedera.bsky.social/post/3lobxmq75vk2e
"Some men who show misogynistic *behavior* actually don’t really hold *any misogynistic beliefs*. They only want to impress and bond with other men."
1/2
2/2
Real men respect women all the way